Connected to AP on social now having doubts

[Anonymous]

We matched with an AP who seems like a perfect fit for our family and we recently connected on social media. Lots of cute photos and positive posts which all have given more insight into her personality. I noticed she’s posted a lot about mental health (specifically depression) but it’s always positive saying their shouldn’t be stigma around it etc... which is fine. However, I did see a post (from 10 years ago when she was a teen) with a picture about Bipolar disorder with a comment that “this is me”.

She still seems wonderful but I don’t know if we are prepared to go down a road with someone who may have a more complicated mental disorder. There is nothing on her medical records indicating she had a history of issues and I did ask her if there was anything she wanted to share with related to mental health. I told her transparently, I noticed she posted a lot about mental health and wanted to know if there was anything we needed to be aware of to support her while she’s with us. She said her posts were more messages for a friend who was struggling vs them being about her. I did not address the bipolar post. Again, it was just a photo from when she was a teen but it’s just not sitting well with me? This is our first AP so I don’t know if I’m looking too much into this or a valid concern?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We matched with an AP who seems like a perfect fit for our family and we recently connected on social media. Lots of cute photos and positive posts which all have given more insight into her personality. I noticed she’s posted a lot about mental health (specifically depression) but it’s always positive saying their shouldn’t be stigma around it etc... which is fine. However, I did see a post (from 10 years ago when she was a teen) with a picture about Bipolar disorder with a comment that “this is me”.

She still seems wonderful but I don’t know if we are prepared to go down a road with someone who may have a more complicated mental disorder. There is nothing on her medical records indicating she had a history of issues and I did ask her if there was anything she wanted to share with related to mental health. I told her transparently, I noticed she posted a lot about mental health and wanted to know if there was anything we needed to be aware of to support her while she’s with us. She said her posts were more messages for a friend who was struggling vs them being about her. I did not address the bipolar post. Again, it was just a photo from when she was a teen but it’s just not sitting well with me? This is our first AP so I don’t know if I’m looking too much into this or a valid concern?

I would not worry about it, since it was posted by a child (going through the puberty). I do feel a bit sorry about your AP though since you seem to be a person who likes snooping around.

[Anonymous]

I mean, we are bringing someone (a stranger) into our home and family and trusting them with our kids. That’s a pretty big deal to me. I don’t feel bad at all for trying to collect as much information to make sure I’m making an informed decision. It would be different if I didn’t ask her directly but I did.

[Anonymous]

I would probably address this head on. Say because she’s going to be living in your home you’ve looked at her social media and noticed the post. But- I’m not how you’d know if she was lying in the answer. Picking an AP involves going with your gut. If you’re having second thoughts after taking to her, I would trust them.

[Anonymous]

Definitely think twice. Our last Au pair had been seeing a counselor and there was nothing about it written on her application. She also quit a live in manny position because of homesickness and didn’t tell us. Of course she had a breakdown and left early. We would not have chosen her if we knew about the quitting live in nanny position

[Anonymous]

I would just speak with her again, and don't feel bad about looking or "snooping" as someone put it, you do what you gotta do for your family!!!

Just say, hey, I loved your pictures so much she just kept clicking and clicking and saw the one about bi polar, and you posted this is me, can you tell me more about that?

Leave it open ended and we what she says.

You've got to vet out this person like any employer would do and social media is a PRIME place for that, go you for being SMART!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Posting a meme 10 years ago with a flippant response does not mean she is bipolar. That word as diagnosis is thrown around way too casually by people. I highly doubt this au pair is bipolar. Agencies do have to do some research into candidates, and they would absolutely screen for such mental health diagnoses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posting a meme 10 years ago with a flippant response does not mean she is bipolar. That word as diagnosis is thrown around way too casually by people. I highly doubt this au pair is bipolar. Agencies do have to do some research into candidates, and they would absolutely screen for such mental health diagnoses.

I assume they self- report. I would not trust the agencies to do your due diligence for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posting a meme 10 years ago with a flippant response does not mean she is bipolar. That word as diagnosis is thrown around way too casually by people. I highly doubt this au pair is bipolar. Agencies do have to do some research into candidates, and they would absolutely screen for such mental health diagnoses.

Not necessarily. She can lie on her application (happened to us for depression). Or, she might have just called herself bipolar. being bipolar doesn't rule one out if they are treated. However, if she is and lied, that's another issue--and you are naive if you think that agencies will rigorously screen.

[Anonymous]

Q0 years ago? Like when the AP was 12-15 years old? No...I would not take that seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posting a meme 10 years ago with a flippant response does not mean she is bipolar. That word as diagnosis is thrown around way too casually by people. I highly doubt this au pair is bipolar. Agencies do have to do some research into candidates, and they would absolutely screen for such mental health diagnoses.

I assume they self- report. I would not trust the agencies to do your due diligence for you.

I don’t completely trust the agencies but I know they do look at actual medical history. A serious mental health condition that’s been diagnosed will be in medical history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posting a meme 10 years ago with a flippant response does not mean she is bipolar. That word as diagnosis is thrown around way too casually by people. I highly doubt this au pair is bipolar. Agencies do have to do some research into candidates, and they would absolutely screen for such mental health diagnoses.

I assume they self- report. I would not trust the agencies to do your due diligence for you.

I don’t completely trust the agencies but I know they do look at actual medical history. A serious mental health condition that’s been diagnosed will be in medical history.

Not our aupair agency. They *asked* for a medical history which is much different than someone reviewing records. An aupair from south africa arrived here and promptly caught mono and almost died from a preteen host family kid. The aupair didn't have a spleen and knew it but had the doctor sign the form which said she had no health issues! She nearly died in the ER here in DC.

Ask as many questions as you need to because once you match and she has arrived, it's something you get to wade through on your own with little help from the aupair agency.

I wouldn't worry about one post about bipolar but I would ask if she has ever been treated for depression in some tactful way. Depression is not a disqualifying factor but being on medication for depression which is difficult to get in the US or expensive could be. If she is on medicatio at home and thinks she will somehow cold turkey it or try and get a prescription here, that will be tough.

These are your kids and you need to trust her completely. Ask all of the questions now. I know more than one aupair who would decide against a family because a child is on medication or something as little as the house doesn't have an extra bathroom. I think it's fine to judge on whether or not someone has a mental health concern which will need treatment after they arrive here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posting a meme 10 years ago with a flippant response does not mean she is bipolar. That word as diagnosis is thrown around way too casually by people. I highly doubt this au pair is bipolar. Agencies do have to do some research into candidates, and they would absolutely screen for such mental health diagnoses.

I assume they self- report. I would not trust the agencies to do your due diligence for you.

I don’t completely trust the agencies but I know they do look at actual medical history. A serious mental health condition that’s been diagnosed will be in medical history.

Not our aupair agency. They *asked* for a medical history which is much different than someone reviewing records. An aupair from south africa arrived here and promptly caught mono and almost died from a preteen host family kid. The aupair didn't have a spleen and knew it but had the doctor sign the form which said she had no health issues! She nearly died in the ER here in DC.

Ask as many questions as you need to because once you match and she has arrived, it's something you get to wade through on your own with little help from the aupair agency.

I wouldn't worry about one post about bipolar but I would ask if she has ever been treated for depression in some tactful way. Depression is not a disqualifying factor but being on medication for depression which is difficult to get in the US or expensive could be. If she is on medicatio at home and thinks she will somehow cold turkey it or try and get a prescription here, that will be tough.

These are your kids and you need to trust her completely. Ask all of the questions now. I know more than one aupair who would decide against a family because a child is on medication or something as little as the house doesn't have an extra bathroom. I think it's fine to judge on whether or not someone has a mental health concern which will need treatment after they arrive here.

Ours too -- she arrived with a recurring medical issue that she had never reported, was too sick to work for 2 weeks, then ultimately had to leave to go home to get it resolved (for insurance reasons).

[Anonymous]

10 years ago!! Jeez

[Anonymous]

Kids say that kind of stuff on social media without understanding what they are saying or that it could be used against them 10 years later. I'd concern myself with more recent posts, keeping in mind that the current trend is young people being mental health aware and posting to fight the stigma.

I'm more concerned with a post above that says an au pair wouldn't have access to antidepressants in the US. What is that about??? Do Au pairs have no medical care while they are here?