WWYD (COVID communication failure)
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Anonymous
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We have a nanny we love; she has been with us for 2.5 years and takes good care of our infant and young child. She is in her 60s. When the pandemic hit, we asked her if she'd like to move in with us. She accepted and actually fully moved out of her apartment. We hoped/assumed she'd want to stay with us for the year. However, a few weeks ago she told us she wanted to move to a friend's basement (a couple in their 60s).
We have talked a lot about COVID safety and our concerns, especially because we have elderly, dependent parents whom we still see (they do not see anyone else). We are very careful; we do not do playdates, and we have only seen friends outside, at a distance. Our nanny goes out every weekend, but she has said that she stays masked when she has to go into a business or to get her mail at a friend's house. She has said she does not eat inside with people. This seemed like a reasonable compromise to us. However, recently the actions she has taken (spending the day inside with these people, sharing meals inside) makes us think she does not get (or does not want to abide by) social distancing and that her risk will only grow once she is living there. My husband wants to let her go and look for someone new. He says the grandparents are more important. We pay very decently ($30/hr, 2 weeks vacation, 40 hours per week). He is hopeful that we can find a new nanny who either lives alone and takes social distancing seriously or who would be willing to live with us. I am afraid we might be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. And my heart breaks for my kids and for her. We have such a happy arrangement! Nannies and employers, what do you think? Can we find someone who will be safer, or is this par for the course? |
Anonymous
| Yes it's a requirement and a violation, fired to teach a lesson |
Anonymous
| At this point you don’t know who’s being safe unless they live with you. It’s pretty easy to lie about your whereabouts. I don’t think her going out is a problem, as long as she’s wearing a mask and is avoiding large indoor gatherings. In your post you seem even bothered by her doing essential things like grabbing her mail and grocery store runs. You sound a little paranoid and maybe it’s best you either take care of your children yourself or find someone that will live in and abide by your strict rules concerning their personal life |
Anonymous
| Also the fact that you’re expanding your household social bubble to seeing grandparents but not expecting her to expand her social bubble too is absurd and unfair. No wonder she moved out |
Anonymous
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First, try everything possible to get her to change her ways. Stress the importance of social distancing and isolation in terms of “we’ll have to let you go if you don’t”. Tell her the risk she is posing to your kids. Switching nannies is very hard on children who’ve bonded and love their nanny so do everything you can before that step.
Also understand that nannies are in high demand right now. I have two friends who’ve been trying for months trying to get a nanny. |
Anonymous
| Look for a nanny who has her own reasons to quarantine. My asthma is under control, but I know I’m at higher risk than someone without asthma, so I looked for a family who felt the same way. |
Anonymous
You did not read what I said. We are fine with her going out. But she wants to move out of our house to a new house with housemates. And she has been visiting them ahead of the move and spending time indoors with them, eating and other things. She said she was just moving there to have her own space (will have separate kitchenette) and not to socialize, but it has obviously been more than that. I have asked her about it, and she thinks she is being safe since they “sit far apart” and “don’t serve each other food,” but they are still indoors in the same room for extended periods of time Regarding seeing grandparents and hypocrisy, they literally see no one else. And we see no one but them. It is as if they lived with us. |
Anonymous
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OP, your situation is tricky.
On one hand, I can see why you would prefer a Nanny who does not live w/other people & has very minimal if no contact w/other people during this time. Yet on the other hand, it sounds like your current Nanny is being very honest w/you + your husband concerning what she does so her honesty is a good thing. If she is moving out - and will be living w/new people, it is only natural that she will be exposed to them. They will be sharing a household together. If you choose to let her go, you will basically be starting from scratch. Any new Nanny you would hire would start off as a stranger, of course. |
Anonymous
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They could tell you that they live alone & that they take all the necessary precautions to remain healthy and you will be forced to believe them.
At least your current Nanny is being truthful. Considering that your children love her, I would let her stay. At least she can be trusted to tell you what she is doing. We are all navigating uncharted territory now. Issues are popping up that are unique and people are learning different ways to adapt. Hoping you can come to a decision that is best for your family! |
Anonymous
| I currently lie to my employers because they are extreme. I’ve been with them for 7 years. While THEY do socially distanced play dates and go for hikes and go shopping, they expect ME to stay home completely. As in, they want me to get my groceries delivered like they do. The only reason why the groceries are delivered now, is because I refused to continue going to the store for them. So, I am careful and don’t see friends but I am not paying for delivery and tip and overpriced Groceries when I can safely go to the store and shop for myself- one person. If my bosses want to give me a raise to have groceries delivered I’m happy to stay home. But since they sent offering nay extra compensation, I’m going to continue to lie to them. I have also gone shopping to a couple store, because my boss thinks it’s okay for her to go out but not me? I don’t play that game and it’s easier for me to lie and just let them think they control me. When they were staying home completely, I did too. But now that they’re out and about? So am I. |
Anonymous
+1. Good advice. |
Anonymous
| Many nannies are well aware that employers are not hiring nannies that do not live alone, so many are simply lying about this detail when applying and there is no way to verify if they live alone or not, so bringing someone new in is pointless. I would keep current nanny and require her to wear a mask but it is only fair if you all wear one too |
Anonymous
| MB here, and I would let her go. I agree with your husband that the grandparents’ health is more important. We see my parents weekly (they see no one else), and that is the extent of our quarantine pod. We won’t even see friends, socially distanced, with masks. I would be fine with a nanny also saw elderly parents who saw no one else, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with other situations. Our nanny lives with her boyfriend which she was upfront about, but he is working remotely, and they both take social distancing very seriously. |
Anonymous
| You probably took advantage of her being there. |
Anonymous
+2. THIS. OP, this - please! |