Au Pair Social Activities - COVID 19

[Anonymous]

We are in Northern Virginia. We have been very good about social distancing and take COVID-19 seriously. We have permitted our au pair to go on walks and picnics with her friends, and to meet them for social activities in open areas like backyards and patios. Our au pair, however, now wants to do more with her friends because it is summer time. For example, they want to go to Luray Caverns in a group of 4 au pairs (drive there together) and another time they want to go to the beach for the day (a three hour drive each way, all 4 in the car). We certainly do not want to be unreasonable but we also have no idea wherethe other au pairs have been or how seriously they or their families have taken social distancing. What would you do? Would you allow these additional activities with a larger group in more close-in quarters? We want to be reasonable but also care about the health of our family.

[Anonymous]

You can’t control whether she goes. You can control whether she comes back.

[Anonymous]

You do what’s comfortable with your family. We allow our au pair to socialize with group of friends but I also know some au pairs are not allowed to see other au pairs. They are free to rematch if they don’t like the situation of course. Now with many families looking for au pairs you need to understand you may end up without au pair if she decides to leave for family who isn’t social distancing anymore.

[Anonymous]

I would let our ap go. You have to accept some level
Of risk when you trust your ap to be as responsible as possible when out and about.
If ours wanted go to Vegas or a concert I would have issues, but reasonable outdoor socializing I would accept; even if she had a 90 minute car ride to do it.

Or as PP said; AP can rematch in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let our ap go. You have to accept some level
Of risk when you trust your ap to be as responsible as possible when out and about.
If ours wanted go to Vegas or a concert I would have issues, but reasonable outdoor socializing I would accept; even if she had a 90 minute car ride to do it.

Or as PP said; AP can rematch in a heartbeat.

I’d be very concerned about the car ride. If they were going separately, I’d be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

I think you should send her to rematch if you think you have the right to bar her from engaging in legal activities as an adult woman - sounds like a lack of boundaries on your part. There are tons of HFS looking, so she wouldn’t have a problem finding a better fit.

[Anonymous]

Your house, your rules. As long as your family is also social distancing, it's not unfair or hypocritical to ask your AP to do the same. Every family has a different risk tolerance. I would not feel comfortable with a beach trip, especially considering the headlines out of South Carolina/Myrtle Beach becoming a coronavirus petri dish. Depending on your relationship with her, there is always the risk that she will bail to a family with looser rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your house, your rules. As long as your family is also social distancing, it's not unfair or hypocritical to ask your AP to do the same. Every family has a different risk tolerance. I would not feel comfortable with a beach trip, especially considering the headlines out of South Carolina/Myrtle Beach becoming a coronavirus petri dish. Depending on your relationship with her, there is always the risk that she will bail to a family with looser rules.

There are more emotionally stable HFs out there, grant her freedom and quit the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your house, your rules. As long as your family is also social distancing, it's not unfair or hypocritical to ask your AP to do the same. Every family has a different risk tolerance. I would not feel comfortable with a beach trip, especially considering the headlines out of South Carolina/Myrtle Beach becoming a coronavirus petri dish. Depending on your relationship with her, there is always the risk that she will bail to a family with looser rules.

There are more emotionally stable HFs out there, grant her freedom and quit the program.

That's a strange dig that makes you seem... off. Everyone has a different comfort level. Obviously, this is a unique situation. This is a highly contagious virus with few treatment options and no vaccine. It's rational to take these steps and it's what scientists and public health officials have been practically begging people to do since the beginning. Maybe you don't read the news (or take the most basic step like wear a mask) but there've been spikes in all of the states that re-opened. These rules are for everyone's protection, AP and host family alike. Obviously, if the family is going out but not letting their AP do the same, that's a different story. But don't judge host families that are actually sacrificing and doing their part to keep numbers low by staying home (again, as scientists have advised). APs can either accept that, rematch or go home. Thankfully, we have a mature AP who has accepted that and we allow outings within reason like hanging out with a friend who has also been social distancing.

[Anonymous]

Former AP here. I'd let her go but ask her to wear a mask when she's in the car and to open the windows as often as possible. You're not unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has asthma. We have been taking social distancing very seriously (no camps, social distancing, etc)..

We ask our au pair to limit social Interactions to outside based activities - not to ride in the car with anyone else, not to go inside people’s houses, etc.

We know that she may get tired of this and rematch at some point, which would be really tough, but I can’t put my family at risk because we were worried about Losing childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has asthma. We have been taking social distancing very seriously (no camps, social distancing, etc)..

We ask our au pair to limit social Interactions to outside based activities - not to ride in the car with anyone else, not to go inside people’s houses, etc.

We know that she may get tired of this and rematch at some point, which would be really tough, but I can’t put my family at risk because we were worried about Losing childcare.

This exactly. Our family is also high risk due to asthma and we’re the same as the PP. I think it comes down to your risk tolerance as a family. I know some who don’t have any high risk family members and are fine with their AP’s traveling, going to the beach, etc. We aren’t one of those and have to take this virus incredibly seriously. If anything were to happen to one of my family members because I ok’ed our AP traveling, I would never forgive myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has asthma. We have been taking social distancing very seriously (no camps, social distancing, etc)..

We ask our au pair to limit social Interactions to outside based activities - not to ride in the car with anyone else, not to go inside people’s houses, etc.

We know that she may get tired of this and rematch at some point, which would be really tough, but I can’t put my family at risk because we were worried about Losing childcare.

Maybe it’s your AP, who has been hanging out at our house every weekend since the beginning of the pandemic. Please know that you cannot control your APs. If I were you, I would let the AP go and take care of my children myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has asthma. We have been taking social distancing very seriously (no camps, social distancing, etc)..

We ask our au pair to limit social Interactions to outside based activities - not to ride in the car with anyone else, not to go inside people’s houses, etc.

We know that she may get tired of this and rematch at some point, which would be really tough, but I can’t put my family at risk because we were worried about Losing childcare.

Maybe it’s your AP, who has been hanging out at our house every weekend since the beginning of the pandemic. Please know that you cannot control your APs. If I were you, I would let the AP go and take care of my children myself.

Guessing from the last line, I'd bet money it's the "no playdates" poster from another ridiculous thread, or her soulmate. OP, you're right to be concerned about this. Multi hour car ride with three other people is about as high risk as it gets. Can you lend her a car to drive separately or give her money to rent one or make some comparable good faith effort to solve the problem while also acknowledging what a crummy situation this is for her?

[Anonymous]

Our LCC(!) organized a beach trip for 10 APs and suggested car pooling in 2-3 cars. I asked my AP to take only one AP in our car and it is one who we know and trust to have been relatively responsible. I also told the LCC that I thought she was probably putting HFs on the spot by suggesting this with out check with HFs first, and she subsequently sent a note saying they would be limiting it to two APs per car.