How To Handle Amazing Nanny Not Social Distancing

[Anonymous]

Our nanny is amazing. Both of our children love her, and she has been with our family since my 2.5 year old was 7 weeks old. She has continued coming to our home daily throughout the pandemic because we trust her and knew she was taking the pandemic seriously. None of us ever got sick throughout all this (we never required her to wear a mask inside our house), so I 100% believe she has been. However, as things reopen that may not be the case anymore. First, she got her nails done. I complimented them on Monday, and she awkwardly said thanks as if she knew it was not a smart decision. Then, I came across her Facebook (we are not Facebook friends; don’t judge me), and unfortunately I saw a photo from last weekend of her at what looked like an outdoor gathering. In the background I saw at least eight people, none wearing masks. She herself was also not wearing a mask in the photo. While I get she’s a single woman in her 20s and deserves human interaction especially after working throughout this entire pandemic and being indoors, I am not comfortable with her going to large gatherings. My children are very small, and we have also started seeing grandparents again who are older and higher risk.

1. How do I appropriately address this without crossing boundaries? I have no right to tell her what to do when she is not caring for my children, but now with COVID her decisions outside of work directly affect my family.

2. Should I mention the Facebook post despite not being friends? It’s a public post, but I think it may come off as if I was snooping.

Again, we love her and she’s awesome so we would really love to get this sorted out in a reasonable way without crossing boundaries. Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny is amazing. Both of our children love her, and she has been with our family since my 2.5 year old was 7 weeks old. She has continued coming to our home daily throughout the pandemic because we trust her and knew she was taking the pandemic seriously. None of us ever got sick throughout all this (we never required her to wear a mask inside our house), so I 100% believe she has been. However, as things reopen that may not be the case anymore. First, she got her nails done. I complimented them on Monday, and she awkwardly said thanks as if she knew it was not a smart decision. Then, I came across her Facebook (we are not Facebook friends; don’t judge me), and unfortunately I saw a photo from last weekend of her at what looked like an outdoor gathering. In the background I saw at least eight people, none wearing masks. She herself was also not wearing a mask in the photo. While I get she’s a single woman in her 20s and deserves human interaction especially after working throughout this entire pandemic and being indoors, I am not comfortable with her going to large gatherings. My children are very small, and we have also started seeing grandparents again who are older and higher risk.

1. How do I appropriately address this without crossing boundaries? I have no right to tell her what to do when she is not caring for my children, but now with COVID her decisions outside of work directly affect my family.

2. Should I mention the Facebook post despite not being friends? It’s a public post, but I think it may come off as if I was snooping.

Again, we love her and she’s awesome so we would really love to get this sorted out in a reasonable way without crossing boundaries. Thank you

I would not mention the FB post. Especially since you aren't friends! I would ask to sit down with her and maybe come up with a plan moving into the summer/fall of what the expectations are on both ends now that the situation keeps rapidly changing. I would even frame it as "everyday a new development comes out re entering new phases and I think we should talk about what we are ok/not ok with on both ends now that the lockdowns are easing" I don't think you can police her life outside of the home BUT she is taking care of your kids.....would a mask make everyone feel more comfortable? Washing hands when arriving, taking shoes off, etc.

[Anonymous]

I would schedule a sit-down talk with her for Monday morning. Give her the new statistics on the spread of this virus and how even a case that doesn’t require hospitalization is incredibly painful. Just tell her what you told us - that you love her and you’re scared for her and your family.

Also tell her that you know how lonely and hard this is for her.

Then ask how you can help her better socially isolate on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Don’t mention the Facebook post but definitely have a sit down talk with her, away from the kids, and press upon her the importance of social distancing and the impact of her failing to do that on your children. The latest data is compelling - the notion that young people don’t get this virus has been proven, without a doubt, to be false. Lay out specific social distancing protocols (wearing masks inside and outside around any other human) and completely avoiding crowds and gatherings.

Good luck! I am so grateful that our nanny is older and gets it. Nanny is making huge sacrifices on her off hours because she loves my toddler and I am pregnant.

[Anonymous]

How do you know whether she did her nails herself or not?

I don't see a problem with an outdoor gathering of 8-10 people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know whether she did her nails herself or not?

I don't see a problem with an outdoor gathering of 8-10 people.

The nanny admitted she got her nails “done” and it wasn’t smart.

Outdoor gatherings still require face masks.

Not OP but I certainly see OP’s issues. Especially now with the virus on the rise again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know whether she did her nails herself or not?

I don't see a problem with an outdoor gathering of 8-10 people.

The nanny admitted she got her nails “done” and it wasn’t smart.

Outdoor gatherings still require face masks.

Not OP but I certainly see OP’s issues. Especially now with the virus on the rise again.

What? No they don't!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know whether she did her nails herself or not?

I don't see a problem with an outdoor gathering of 8-10 people.

The nanny admitted she got her nails “done” and it wasn’t smart.

Outdoor gatherings still require face masks.

Not OP but I certainly see OP’s issues. Especially now with the virus on the rise again.

What? No they don't!

Yes, they do unless you’re maintaining a six foot distance between people at all times.

[Anonymous]

With a newborn, its time to find a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With a newborn, its time to find a new nanny.

Is that pretty easy right now? How would OP know to trust that the new nanny was social distancing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a newborn, its time to find a new nanny.

Is that pretty easy right now? How would OP know to trust that the new nanny was social distancing?

+1. And OP said her kids love this nanny. That’s enough reason to work it out with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a newborn, its time to find a new nanny.

Is that pretty easy right now? How would OP know to trust that the new nanny was social distancing?

You have to do the best you can but OP has a newborn who would be at very high risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With a newborn, its time to find a new nanny.

Is that pretty easy right now? How would OP know to trust that the new nanny was social distancing?

+1. And OP said her kids love this nanny. That’s enough reason to work it out with her.

This. It’s not fair to the child to just dump the nanny. Plus the new nanny might be worse at social distancing but better at lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know whether she did her nails herself or not?

I don't see a problem with an outdoor gathering of 8-10 people.

The nanny admitted she got her nails “done” and it wasn’t smart.

Outdoor gatherings still require face masks.

Not OP but I certainly see OP’s issues. Especially now with the virus on the rise again.

What? No they don't!

Depends on whether they are social distancing. If less than 6 feet, it absolutely does require a mask. Since most outdoor gatherings aren’t strict about 6 feet, yes, please wear a mask.

[Anonymous]

Find a live-in nanny. Pay her to quarantine/extreme social distance.