Grounds for rematch?

[Anonymous]

First time host mom here, so bear with me. We have a pretty mediocre au pair and considered rematching a few months ago but mutually decided to finish out her year (in June). It’s been OK.

My neighbor struck up a conversation with her at the park recently and she spoke very unhighly of our family, complained that her job was awful, etc.

The specifics of why she hates her job don’t really matter to me at this point — we’ve already had a mediation with her/ LCC and, I assumed, had worked through things. Would anyone/has anyone rematched based on an au pair speaking negatively about your family/her job to others and it getting back to you?

[Anonymous]

No I would not rematch over what someone said my au pair said.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to her and offer a rematch if she is unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Do you never talk badly of your work? AP was dumb to complain about her work/you to neighbors but I would judge neighbor way more for repeating what he heard and stirring drama (which could be terrible for an AP who is already in abusive situation) than I would the AP.

The fact that you don’t care why she thinks the job is awful might mean you may not be in the right program. If your AP is mediocre by all means rematch but you do want to look at your own situation and why your AP is finding herself miserable, if you are a family who break the rules/ask too much of your APs don’t treat her nicely or whatever, the Au pair program might not be for you.

You might want to know also that most new APs you will interview will want to talk to your former AP and if she thinks very poorly of you (or you refuse to pass on her information) most APs would personally find it a massive red flag.

Most APs talk shit about their host families, so if you plan to rematch for this be willing to do it again on repeat. People always have things to complain about and APs live with their boss so obviously it is bound to cause some frustration and create some rants. Let her rant, if you don’t like her I am sure you have ranted about her plenty of times before to other people, it’s fine people get frustrated with each other and complain, as long as she doesn’t take the feelings she has towards your family out onto your kids, I would let it go.

[Anonymous]

She sounds unhappy with her job and all you care about is that she's talking about you behind your back.

How come she doesn't like her job and thinks it's awful?

[Anonymous]

I’d tell her what you heard and ask her if she’s unhappy. As a host mom, the details of why she’s unhappy are very important.

I probably would rematch because the match is clearly not good for either of you. And yes, I’d be really angry if my au pair was talking to my neighbors about me negatively behind my back.

[Anonymous]

APs will talk smack about their host family---but it's usually with other APs. The fact that she showed such poor judgment by discussing with your neighbor (not another AP) really says a lot. I would have a discussion with her, see how it goes. What are her issues?

Personally, I'd be wary of someone who makes such poor decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you never talk badly of your work? AP was dumb to complain about her work/you to neighbors but I would judge neighbor way more for repeating what he heard and stirring drama (which could be terrible for an AP who is already in abusive situation) than I would the AP.

The fact that you don’t care why she thinks the job is awful might mean you may not be in the right program. If your AP is mediocre by all means rematch but you do want to look at your own situation and why your AP is finding herself miserable, if you are a family who break the rules/ask too much of your APs don’t treat her nicely or whatever, the Au pair program might not be for you.

You might want to know also that most new APs you will interview will want to talk to your former AP and if she thinks very poorly of you (or you refuse to pass on her information) most APs would personally find it a massive red flag.

Most APs talk shit about their host families, so if you plan to rematch for this be willing to do it again on repeat. People always have things to complain about and APs live with their boss so obviously it is bound to cause some frustration and create some rants. Let her rant, if you don’t like her I am sure you have ranted about her plenty of times before to other people, it’s fine people get frustrated with each other and complain, as long as she doesn’t take the feelings she has towards your family out onto your kids, I would let it go.

Oh, please. The neighbor did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Did she reveal personal information?

I think this is a big deal. I would rematch if you can find someone.

[Anonymous]

It's 4 more months. Unless she said your husband is raping her or something, suck it up. Think about if what the neighbor told you has any truth to it.

If she said you're boring people, then who cares? But if she said you and your DH are always screaming at each other and that's true, well ....

[Anonymous]

I think the fact she chose to say negative things about you/the job to your neighbour is a huge issue and shows a lack of good judgment. However, nobody is perfect, maybe she was just having a bad day. I give APs a bit of leeway to make some poor choices as long as they don't endanger anyone physically, hurt anyone else's feelings too seriously or damage property. But if this is part of a larger problem and/or she said super nasty things, I'd be looking at rematch.

[Anonymous]

I would let it go. You are almost there, OP. I assume that with June arrival you have already matched with your next AP. If not, you should start the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you never talk badly of your work? AP was dumb to complain about her work/you to neighbors but I would judge neighbor way more for repeating what he heard and stirring drama (which could be terrible for an AP who is already in abusive situation) than I would the AP.

The fact that you don’t care why she thinks the job is awful might mean you may not be in the right program. If your AP is mediocre by all means rematch but you do want to look at your own situation and why your AP is finding herself miserable, if you are a family who break the rules/ask too much of your APs don’t treat her nicely or whatever, the Au pair program might not be for you.

You might want to know also that most new APs you will interview will want to talk to your former AP and if she thinks very poorly of you (or you refuse to pass on her information) most APs would personally find it a massive red flag.

Most APs talk shit about their host families, so if you plan to rematch for this be willing to do it again on repeat. People always have things to complain about and APs live with their boss so obviously it is bound to cause some frustration and create some rants. Let her rant, if you don’t like her I am sure you have ranted about her plenty of times before to other people, it’s fine people get frustrated with each other and complain, as long as she doesn’t take the feelings she has towards your family out onto your kids, I would let it go.

Oh, please. The neighbor did the right thing.

A French AP was KILLED by her host family in England, she was starved, beaten, strangled and then burned, she had also complained to neighbours/other people about the family.

It's like going to the husband of an abused woman and telling him she complains about him, because you refuse to believe what she says is true, we don't know what the AP said to the neighbour and whatever she said it doesn't even feel like OP is saying AP lied about the things she said, just that AP spoke badly about them.

If someone complained to me about someone else, if I knew the person I might initially take it with a grain of salt but I definitely wouldn't go tell the person about it.

You have no idea what's happening behind close doors, as someone who has been confronted with abuse in different form from people you wouldn't expect at first glance, I would 100% judge someone who prefer to stir drama than actually be on the lookout for signs of abuse and side with the victim just in case.


It was dumb of APs to pick neighbors to complain to but actually sometimes telling someone the family knows and respect will make them so mortify they might change their ways. If OP isn't doing wrong then all the complaints her APs made about her must have been silly surely? If so then what's the big deal.

If you don't want your AP to answer honestly the questions of your friends/neighbours about schedule/kids behaviours etc... then you are knowingly doing something wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you never talk badly of your work? AP was dumb to complain about her work/you to neighbors but I would judge neighbor way more for repeating what he heard and stirring drama (which could be terrible for an AP who is already in abusive situation) than I would the AP.

The fact that you don’t care why she thinks the job is awful might mean you may not be in the right program. If your AP is mediocre by all means rematch but you do want to look at your own situation and why your AP is finding herself miserable, if you are a family who break the rules/ask too much of your APs don’t treat her nicely or whatever, the Au pair program might not be for you.

You might want to know also that most new APs you will interview will want to talk to your former AP and if she thinks very poorly of you (or you refuse to pass on her information) most APs would personally find it a massive red flag.

Most APs talk shit about their host families, so if you plan to rematch for this be willing to do it again on repeat. People always have things to complain about and APs live with their boss so obviously it is bound to cause some frustration and create some rants. Let her rant, if you don’t like her I am sure you have ranted about her plenty of times before to other people, it’s fine people get frustrated with each other and complain, as long as she doesn’t take the feelings she has towards your family out onto your kids, I would let it go.

Oh, please. The neighbor did the right thing.

A French AP was KILLED by her host family in England, she was starved, beaten, strangled and then burned, she had also complained to neighbours/other people about the family.

It's like going to the husband of an abused woman and telling him she complains about him, because you refuse to believe what she says is true, we don't know what the AP said to the neighbour and whatever she said it doesn't even feel like OP is saying AP lied about the things she said, just that AP spoke badly about them.

If someone complained to me about someone else, if I knew the person I might initially take it with a grain of salt but I definitely wouldn't go tell the person about it.

You have no idea what's happening behind close doors, as someone who has been confronted with abuse in different form from people you wouldn't expect at first glance, I would 100% judge someone who prefer to stir drama than actually be on the lookout for signs of abuse and side with the victim just in case.


It was dumb of APs to pick neighbors to complain to but actually sometimes telling someone the family knows and respect will make them so mortify they might change their ways. If OP isn't doing wrong then all the complaints her APs made about her must have been silly surely? If so then what's the big deal.

If you don't want your AP to answer honestly the questions of your friends/neighbours about schedule/kids behaviours etc... then you are knowingly doing something wrong.

who said anything about abuse? they clearly had issues already and had already done a mediation meeting. OP, what did the neighbor say that the AP complained about exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you never talk badly of your work? AP was dumb to complain about her work/you to neighbors but I would judge neighbor way more for repeating what he heard and stirring drama (which could be terrible for an AP who is already in abusive situation) than I would the AP.

The fact that you don’t care why she thinks the job is awful might mean you may not be in the right program. If your AP is mediocre by all means rematch but you do want to look at your own situation and why your AP is finding herself miserable, if you are a family who break the rules/ask too much of your APs don’t treat her nicely or whatever, the Au pair program might not be for you.

You might want to know also that most new APs you will interview will want to talk to your former AP and if she thinks very poorly of you (or you refuse to pass on her information) most APs would personally find it a massive red flag.

Most APs talk shit about their host families, so if you plan to rematch for this be willing to do it again on repeat. People always have things to complain about and APs live with their boss so obviously it is bound to cause some frustration and create some rants. Let her rant, if you don’t like her I am sure you have ranted about her plenty of times before to other people, it’s fine people get frustrated with each other and complain, as long as she doesn’t take the feelings she has towards your family out onto your kids, I would let it go.

Oh, please. The neighbor did the right thing.

Uh, no. Neighbor is a drama seeking busybody