How are you inclusive with your au pair on weekends?

[Anonymous]

We have had two au au pairs so far. Both were independent and just disappeared on weekends. Now I am interviewing an au pair who asked me this question and I had no good answer because the only two au pairs we had didn't want anything to do with us on weekend and we just gave up and are ok with that. Now I wonder how are other families including AP on weekends? For us weekends are filled with grocery shopping, maybe a birthday party and some activities here and there (museum or hike, our kids are younger), I don't see au pairs having much fun hanging out with us, how do other families include APs on weekends?

TIA

[Anonymous]

We assume AP wants to do her own thing. It's her time off. Do you want to be around your AP on weekends?

Last night, we went out to dinner and invited the AP, but usually we do our own thing, and I would not want an ap to tag along on weekend things anyway. ANd I'm sure she'd rather be with her friends.

[Anonymous]

I would say that she's welcome to hang out/come along with us on our errands, sports practices, etc. Totally up to her. Don't have time to be rolling out the red carpet on busy weekends.

[Anonymous]

We let ours know ahead of time if we are doing something fun that she might like (hiking, go to museums in DC, etc). If she’s free and wants to, then she joins us. Most of the weekends are spend on errands or stuff with the kids, so AP usually disappears like you said and either watches Netflix or goes out with friends. That’s cool for us too Bc it gives us all some breathing room.

[Anonymous]

I have a stage 5 clinger. She wants to he with us all the time. She is in the family room when I wake up and when I'm asleep. She hears me come home she bolts upstairs. She chatters on and in non stop. She is currently upset because we don't include her in things like going to Costco, wegmans, or our family friends houses for dinner. She is more needy than my own children.

We have never had an AuPair like this and it is miserable. This is our last year and I'm counting down each day until her year is up.

All of our AuPairs wanted to do their own thing on the weekends and evenings. We have never asked an AuPair to work on weekends aside from a free random weekends. We like hanging with our kids and cherish time as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a stage 5 clinger. She wants to he with us all the time. She is in the family room when I wake up and when I'm asleep. She hears me come home she bolts upstairs. She chatters on and in non stop. She is currently upset because we don't include her in things like going to Costco, wegmans, or our family friends houses for dinner. She is more needy than my own children.

We have never had an AuPair like this and it is miserable. This is our last year and I'm counting down each day until her year is up.

All of our AuPairs wanted to do their own thing on the weekends and evenings. We have never asked an AuPair to work on weekends aside from a free random weekends. We like hanging with our kids and cherish time as a family.

You could also do your share of the deal and ask her if she wants to join you on these family activities.
Not all the time but from time to time. This way she'll feel included.
It looks like you were not meant to do that programme if you're not willing to share much with the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a stage 5 clinger. She wants to he with us all the time. She is in the family room when I wake up and when I'm asleep. She hears me come home she bolts upstairs. She chatters on and in non stop. She is currently upset because we don't include her in things like going to Costco, wegmans, or our family friends houses for dinner. She is more needy than my own children.

We have never had an AuPair like this and it is miserable. This is our last year and I'm counting down each day until her year is up.

All of our AuPairs wanted to do their own thing on the weekends and evenings. We have never asked an AuPair to work on weekends aside from a free random weekends. We like hanging with our kids and cherish time as a family.

You could also do your share of the deal and ask her if she wants to join you on these family activities.
Not all the time but from time to time. This way she'll feel included.
It looks like you were not meant to do that programme if you're not willing to share much with the AP.

NP. This is really hard if the AP is already everywhere in the house, probably getting out of the house is the only way to get away from this au pair and get some family time.

[Anonymous]

We have had 6 APs and our current one has no friends and it is miserable. Our former Ap’s friends who extended still hang out at our house and still our ap sits at home.

We just ignore her now, it is sad but it is not our job to entertain her. Nice person, just nothing in common with us or the other aps in the area. I am not a social worker to figure out what the issue is.

[Anonymous]

Just tell them to go out and enjoy their year. It's crazy to stay home when you have the world outside.

[Anonymous]

Our AP has access to our family calendar and know she is always welcome to come attend a game, etc. I tell her the invitation is always open. She chooses to do her own thing and that is ok!

[Anonymous]

We’re clear in matching that the weekends are her free time and encourage her to go out and explore, make friends, and travel. We’re also clear that she’ll be invited to big family events or occasions that occur on the weekends. We’ve never had a problem. No au pair has wanted to run around to birthday parties and soccer games and errands on the weekend after a week of shuttling my kids around. Occasionally our au pair will join us for Sunday dinner if we cook something interesting. Even our au pairs who didn’t go out as much on the weekends because their friends weren’t free or they were saving up to travel, would mostly take it as down time and hang out in their room and watch movies or talk to friends back home.

[Anonymous]

our Au pair sometimes
Comes
With us to things but really only if they are special Events (our kid’s bday, my parents in town talking us all out to dinner). We sometimes invite her on other things like if we’re doing a day hike or a museum but she usually says no thanks and hangs with her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a stage 5 clinger. She wants to he with us all the time. She is in the family room when I wake up and when I'm asleep. She hears me come home she bolts upstairs. She chatters on and in non stop. She is currently upset because we don't include her in things like going to Costco, wegmans, or our family friends houses for dinner. She is more needy than my own children.

We have never had an AuPair like this and it is miserable. This is our last year and I'm counting down each day until her year is up.

All of our AuPairs wanted to do their own thing on the weekends and evenings. We have never asked an AuPair to work on weekends aside from a free random weekends. We like hanging with our kids and cherish time as a family.

You could also do your share of the deal and ask her if she wants to join you on these family activities.
Not all the time but from time to time. This way she'll feel included.
It looks like you were not meant to do that programme if you're not willing to share much with the AP.

She's with us at all hours in the home except when I sleep, though I'm convinced if we allowed it she would sleep in our room. I need to at least be able to get to the store by myself. It's like I have a toddler and grocery shopping is a relief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a stage 5 clinger. She wants to he with us all the time. She is in the family room when I wake up and when I'm asleep. She hears me come home she bolts upstairs. She chatters on and in non stop. She is currently upset because we don't include her in things like going to Costco, wegmans, or our family friends houses for dinner. She is more needy than my own children.

We have never had an AuPair like this and it is miserable. This is our last year and I'm counting down each day until her year is up.

All of our AuPairs wanted to do their own thing on the weekends and evenings. We have never asked an AuPair to work on weekends aside from a free random weekends. We like hanging with our kids and cherish time as a family.

You could also do your share of the deal and ask her if she wants to join you on these family activities.
Not all the time but from time to time. This way she'll feel included.
It looks like you were not meant to do that programme if you're not willing to share much with the AP.

She's with us at all hours in the home except when I sleep, though I'm convinced if we allowed it she would sleep in our room. I need to at least be able to get to the store by myself. It's like I have a toddler and grocery shopping is a relief.

Sounds like an AuPair from hell. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a stage 5 clinger. She wants to he with us all the time. She is in the family room when I wake up and when I'm asleep. She hears me come home she bolts upstairs. She chatters on and in non stop. She is currently upset because we don't include her in things like going to Costco, wegmans, or our family friends houses for dinner. She is more needy than my own children.

We have never had an AuPair like this and it is miserable. This is our last year and I'm counting down each day until her year is up.

All of our AuPairs wanted to do their own thing on the weekends and evenings. We have never asked an AuPair to work on weekends aside from a free random weekends. We like hanging with our kids and cherish time as a family.

You could also do your share of the deal and ask her if she wants to join you on these family activities.
Not all the time but from time to time. This way she'll feel included.
It looks like you were not meant to do that programme if you're not willing to share much with the AP.

She's with us at all hours in the home except when I sleep, though I'm convinced if we allowed it she would sleep in our room. I need to at least be able to get to the store by myself. It's like I have a toddler and grocery shopping is a relief.

We rematched with one like this. It was unbearable. Smothering.