Considering letting go of nanny versus tracking

[Anonymous]

Looking for advice.

I am in a nanny share for my 7mo old son with one other family (friends with one other boy). I have had a lot of trust issues since the beginning and have chalked a lot of these up to being a new mom. My husband and I both work full time, as do the other parents. She initially mentioned she would go back and forth between the 2 houses, would do light cleaning and occasional cooking. I have been thinking she was mostly at the other house, but now realize that she is not. Truth is, I’m ashamed to say, I have no idea where she is during the day. Twice a week she tells me she takes the boys to the library, but i have never seen a picture of them in the library. She will often report being at the park, but the time she leaves to when she returns is nearly 5 hours. My son doesn’t like to be in one place for that long so it seems unusual. I’ve asked her multiple times to let me know BEFORE she goes somewhere, the location that she’ll be at. She has started sending more pictures recently, but usually after the fact, or only at the beginning/end of the day or close ups of their faces.

My husband and both other parents love her. My husband says I’m crazy. My mom and his mom both validated my feelings recently and told me to fire her ASAP. I’ve interviewed daycares, and would like to move him there. My husband wants to give her another try.

Question 1. Would it be unreasonable to ask her to keep a GPS on my son so I know where he is, especially considering she can’t seem to tell me during the day? What about turning on “find my friend” on her phone while at work and turning it off when she’s home.

Question 2. What are the benefits of nanny over daycare? Right now all I can see is double the cost for double the headache/anxiety.

Question 2. We signed a contract agreeing to a year together. My nanny also requested to be paid under the table, which I think makes this contract somewhat void, especially if I’m considering my son’s safety. If we decide to move him to daycare, do I give her 2 weeks notice or just pay her 2 weeks severance and cut ties?

Thank you for any help!

[Anonymous]

If you’re paying her in cash, she could decide to report you for tax evasion. While you are an at will employer, she could get upset with you for not sticking to the agreement. You never should of agreed to pay cash just to save a few dollars.

[Anonymous]

Put a tracker on your stroller, tell her about it.
When I nannied I would have never agreed to the find your friends. If you are worried pop up. I have had new Moms do that. I never had a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

1. Never pay under the table.
2. Never leave your child with someone your gut is telling you not to trust.

I would tell her you are not comfortable paying under the table and have decided you cannot do it any longer. Ask her how she wants to handle the contract. She may very well want to cancel it.

I would move my child to daycare immediately and deal with the financial consequences of potentially having to pay for both daycare and a nanny while the contract is still valid.

I would not feel comfortable with not knowing where my child is during the day. Especially when you haven’t known her for long and she hasn’t gained your trust.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the replies. Was worried the find a friend was too much of an invasion of privacy so ordered a GPS and will definitely tell her it’s there. Totally agree that i should never have agreed to under the table- first time mom and should have known better. I’ll talk to her and the other family about that today.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely fine to know where your child is at all times however you need that accomplished.

Sounds like nanny was over ambitious with promising housekeeping and cooking. With two kids it isn’t likely or possible. Give that up.

[Anonymous]

She’s probably taking the kids ids to her house for the day. Sounds like she’s leaving them in cribs and watching tv instead of working at home. Sounds super shady. Fire her ASAP.

- nanny

[Anonymous]

Heads up she probably won’t use your stroller anymore and will bring her own and not tell you.

[Anonymous]

How about an exterior security cam at the front door so you know when nanny is at your house and coming and going? Would be good if the share parent can do that too but you can start with your home to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Move on ASAP. Tell her you have a sudden financial emergency and a relative is coming to help with childcare.

Be sweet and profusely apologetic, and make this her last day if at all possible. The other family will quickly replace you.

[Anonymous]

That is all crazy and I would never let my nanny decide on her own what day to be where.

[Anonymous]

Can someone follow her one day ? You or dh ? Friend ? Your mom ? Personally I’d want to know where she is .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is all crazy and I would never let my nanny decide on her own what day to be where.

Our nanny decides where and what she and DS will be doing everyday. She keeps better track of story times, concerts, playgroups and classes than I do. But I always know where they are and can text her if I forget. She knows the times and days when the children’s library is less crowded and if they have any special programs.

[Anonymous]

You hired a crap nanny to save money. Paying under the table should’ve been your first red flag. Move your child to a good daycare. You will be happier.

[Anonymous]

You want to micromanage. You should be in a daycare that sends regular updates.