family visiting over holiday

[Anonymous]

AP is having her sibling visit over the holiday; he is staying for just shy of three weeks. we said yes to the visit thinking it would be nice for her to spend time with family and brother has the time off work (works for school), but this is our first time with an AP so we didnt discuss groceries or anything before saying yes. (in hindsight, we know the mistake we made...) do we address it now? They have a weekend trip planned so will be gone for 2ish days, but nothing else. We're feeling like 2+ weeks of feeding another adult 3x a day is a lot. maybe we're wrong... tips/advice?!

[Anonymous]

Decide what you're comfortable with and explain it to her in advance. We never let family visit for that long but that's water under the bridge.

If it was me, I'd say that you're looking forward to getting to know sibling and would like to invite him to a family dinner on x night. Also say that sibling is welcome to help himself to "x" in the kitchen -- you decide what "x" is: coffee? Breakfast? Anything in the cabinet?

Explain that it gets really expensive hosting guests so anything beyond "x", she should purchase herself.

Our APs families were invited to stay with us for a long weekend as our guests -- since they were OUR guests they were free to eat anything. This is different since AP is hosting sibling as HER guest. Do not feel bad about spelling out what that means (she does the extra laundry, she cleans up after, etc).

[Anonymous]

Don't be cheap. Just feed the kid.

[Anonymous]

Oh please, that won’t break your bank. It’s her brother after all! Just feed the kid ! If you consider an AP as part of your family, that follow that path.

[Anonymous]

OP you are right. It is a lot of money. And if you're not comfortable with that (I wouldn't be) you get to set the parameters. It does not make you cheap. Disregard anyone trying to make you feel bad about this. There are trolls (nannys?) on here who try to make you feel cheap if you don't provide your AP with absolutely everything they want. That's not your job.

[Anonymous]

Be open and honest, and as generous as you are comfortable being. I would say this: Larla, we are so happy you are able to host your brother. Also, I need to watch my budget and want to be transparent and honest with you about what we are comfortable with while he is here and how was should handle his visit:
1) He is welcome to eat our cereal and milk and blueberries for breakfast, we will buy more of this during his visit.
2) We are happy to have him join us for family dinner X times per week. THe other nights, perhaps you can take him out or cook something for him.
3) Its very important to me that you continue to do all your job tasks while he is here, including XYZ. LEt me know if something special comes up, and we can try to accomodate.
4) Three weeks is a LONG time for us to have an extra guest, so please explain to him that there may be times we need to have family time or for him give you time to do your job vs. entertain him.
5) We are happy he is coming, and wanted to tell you our expectations early so we are all on the same page.

[Anonymous]

They will probably go out on weekends = no food except breakfast.

And out some nights = no food.

I'd let it go.

If you really can't afford it, just ask her to get some extra groceries ...

But maybe they have a plan of taking you out for dinner to thank you for hosting him ...

Or maybe someday you'll go to their country and their family will host your whole family for 1 or 2 weeks and will be happy to let you eat at their home without asking anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't be cheap. Just feed the kid.

This! FFS.

[Anonymous]

For future reference, we get ahead of this (after being burned once). We do not allow ANY overnight visitors from Dec 24-Jan2. This is because DH and I take this week off and stay home as a family and play games, chill and hang out and THE LAST thing we want is another person underfoot. Cooking for 6 is annoying, especially when 2 of them are 18-21yrs old. They eat a ton! I don't care about the money, I don't want to have to worry about how much food to buy, if it will go to waste, running out of crap, and cooking a large dinner. Our current AP eats double what anyone else in the house eats. Cooking for 2 AuPairs is like feeding 4 extra people. NO THANKS! Plus I don't want to have to battle it out for hot water, put away dishes for this person, clean up after this person, have this person in my kitchen space when I'm in there. NOPE.

I of course would make an exception for a phenomenal AP, but those seem to be few and far between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will probably go out on weekends = no food except breakfast.

And out some nights = no food.

I'd let it go.

If you really can't afford it, just ask her to get some extra groceries ...

But maybe they have a plan of taking you out for dinner to thank you for hosting him ...

Or maybe someday you'll go to their country and their family will host your whole family for 1 or 2 weeks and will be happy to let you eat at their home without asking anything.

Not even true. I'm the PP who got burnt. The visitors were on a budget and they would pack their food for the day out. I'd go to grab an apple or make a sandwich, fruit gone, bread out, kids snacks for lunch ransacked. She would even call and ask me early in the day what the menu was for dinner and what time I'd be serving so they could get home for dinner. When you live in DC, its just a quick trip back to the house for food inbetween sights. Plus living in the city, everyone and their mother wants to come and visit for a free trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They will probably go out on weekends = no food except breakfast.

And out some nights = no food.

I'd let it go.

If you really can't afford it, just ask her to get some extra groceries ...

But maybe they have a plan of taking you out for dinner to thank you for hosting him ...

Or maybe someday you'll go to their country and their family will host your whole family for 1 or 2 weeks and will be happy to let you eat at their home without asking anything.

Not even true. I'm the PP who got burnt. The visitors were on a budget and they would pack their food for the day out. I'd go to grab an apple or make a sandwich, fruit gone, bread out, kids snacks for lunch ransacked. She would even call and ask me early in the day what the menu was for dinner and what time I'd be serving so they could get home for dinner. When you live in DC, its just a quick trip back to the house for food inbetween sights. Plus living in the city, everyone and their mother wants to come and visit for a free trip.

This has been my experience any time an AP had guests.

[Anonymous]

well I have had 4 phenomenal APs but even I have a 1-week visitor limit. And that is for ONE visitor. No more than 3 visitors per year (it's usually been mom, sister, friend or the like. If it's a boyfriend then they stay at a hotel -- my house is less than 1000 sq ft and there is no privacy -- all discussed in advance during interview process. ) My APs know what a budget I live on (I am a teacher) so they have all been great about buying extra food when the visitors come. I will say when the moms have visited they seem to "get it" and they cooked *for us* most evenings. Friends/sisters? Well, they had to be nudged a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are right. It is a lot of money. And if you're not comfortable with that (I wouldn't be) you get to set the parameters. It does not make you cheap. Disregard anyone trying to make you feel bad about this. There are trolls (nannys?) on here who try to make you feel cheap if you don't provide your AP with absolutely everything they want. That's not your job.

How odd that you blame nannies for being possible trolls, when it could easily be Au Pairs. It would benefit them far more to push OP to pay for extra groceries. Nannies don't have a dog in the fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are right. It is a lot of money. And if you're not comfortable with that (I wouldn't be) you get to set the parameters. It does not make you cheap. Disregard anyone trying to make you feel bad about this. There are trolls (nannys?) on here who try to make you feel cheap if you don't provide your AP with absolutely everything they want. That's not your job.

How odd that you blame nannies for being possible trolls, when it could easily be Au Pairs. It would benefit them far more to push OP to pay for extra groceries. Nannies don't have a dog in the fight.

Oh really? Why do nannies post negative stuffs about the AP here all the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are right. It is a lot of money. And if you're not comfortable with that (I wouldn't be) you get to set the parameters. It does not make you cheap. Disregard anyone trying to make you feel bad about this. There are trolls (nannys?) on here who try to make you feel cheap if you don't provide your AP with absolutely everything they want. That's not your job.

How odd that you blame nannies for being possible trolls, when it could easily be Au Pairs. It would benefit them far more to push OP to pay for extra groceries. Nannies don't have a dog in the fight.

Oh really? Why do nannies post negative stuffs about the AP here all the time?

I’m a nanny and don’t care, just posting here because now we are being accused of being trolls on au pair food threads?! FYI I live out and eat 3 meals a day plus snack at my job and my boss would look at me like I had 3 heads if I offered to buy groceries! It’s been working for 5 years. Anyway, don’t be cheap. Buy a little extra and feed her brother!!