Cultural differences and uncomfortability - Help

[Anonymous]

We are new to employing a nanny and apparently didn't do enough research so please offer advice without judgement.

We needed a nanny immediately and didn't have time for many interviews, so we hired a nanny from Care.com on our own. We have 2 special needs toddler boys - 2.5 nonverbal with Autism who has to be watched carefully and a 4 y/o with social emotional concerns. The nanny was hired to work 7am - 9am (put kids on the school bus) then come back from 12:30 - 4:30. She can leave during the day since the kids would not be home (non work hours for her).

Concerns:
1. We didn't do an application and 4 weeks in she is making excuses for providing us with a copy of her license (we haven't seen it), but she gave us a copy of her school ID. The license is in case she needs to pick the kids in an emergency.

2. She brings her 2.5 yo daughter (we agreed) but her daughter requires a lot of attention, and the 3 kids seem to fight and compete a lot. We didn't realize her child would require so much attention or that her time would be spent mediating fights with her daughter.

3. She stated she doesn't like some of the programs the boys like such as Bubba Guppies b/c "people and dogs don't live under water" and it teaches the wrong thing, so she often plays shows her daughter likes or shows she approves of.

4. Bathing: She never uses the towels we leave out and she doesn't use baby wipes for poopie diapers. Instead, each pull-up change she puts the 2.5 yo in the tub to rinse him off with water.. without use of a towel. This is based on her culture. We have spoken to her about this.

5. Bathing: The 4yo was told that diaper change was private, so nanny changes and rinses in RR, but the other 2 kids are left unattended. Likewise, if she has to rinse her daughter, then my 2 grandsons are left unattended.

6. She has been late several times causing us to have to us EasyPass which has increased our travel expenses by $60 a week when she's late.

Questions:

1. We didn't do a contract, but we did send her an email with her duties listed , work hours, and pay.
2. She did a 1 day trial when my aunt was nannying for us, but we didn't set a trial period. She is coming up on 30 days of work.
3. Can we let her go in a few weeks and can we begin to look for another nanny?
4. Should we wait until the new year to switch nannies. We are off work after Christmas and do not need nanny services during the holidays
4. Do we have to give severance pay and how much and WHY?

Any other advice?

[Anonymous]

Fire her. You hired a dud. But what are you paying? Can’t be much based on the nanny you got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fire her. You hired a dud. But what are you paying? Can’t be much based on the nanny you got.

$20 an hour with a guaranteed rate per week.

[Anonymous]

You mentioned your aunt was providing care before you hired this nanny. Is she available now to watch the kids until you find someone new? Or can you or your spouse take some time off work to watch them? I would not keep this woman any longer. I would terminate immediately and no, you do not owe any severance.

When I saw your $20/hr rate at first I thought that was very high, especially considering she brings her own child along. But then I remembered that:
1. You have TWO special needs children
2. You need the person to work a split shift with no compensation in the between hours.
Both of those things will raise the appropriate rate.

When you hire your next nanny you should not even consider someone bringing their own child along; that is too much work along with two special needs children.

To get a quality child care provider for this situation, you will have to pay a much higher rate than $20/hr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fire her. You hired a dud. But what are you paying? Can’t be much based on the nanny you got.

$20 an hour with a guaranteed rate per week.

Not a good rate to attract a candidate with actual experience working with SN kids or who wants to work a split schedule. Many nannies can get $20/hr working with one non SN child full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fire her. You hired a dud. But what are you paying? Can’t be much based on the nanny you got.

$20 an hour with a guaranteed rate per week.

Not a good rate to attract a candidate with actual experience working with SN kids or who wants to work a split schedule. Many nannies can get $20/hr working with one non SN child full time.

Thank you. We do realize this, but this was her quoted price. Also, we had several people quote $18-23 when we explained our needs. For the most part, 1 kid (the 2.5 yo nonverbal) is in school 3 whole days 2 half days and the 4 yo goes 5 half half days. We wouldn't really have an issue outside of her unwillingness to show her ID and the fact that her daughter requires more care than our 2.5 yo nonverbal grandson. She said she had worked with special needs kids before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned your aunt was providing care before you hired this nanny. Is she available now to watch the kids until you find someone new? Or can you or your spouse take some time off work to watch them? I would not keep this woman any longer. I would terminate immediately and no, you do not owe any severance.

When I saw your $20/hr rate at first I thought that was very high, especially considering she brings her own child along. But then I remembered that:
1. You have TWO special needs children
2. You need the person to work a split shift with no compensation in the between hours.
Both of those things will raise the appropriate rate.

When you hire your next nanny you should not even consider someone bringing their own child along; that is too much work along with two special needs children.

To get a quality child care provider for this situation, you will have to pay a much higher rate than $20/hr.

Makes total sense. Thank you. She quoted her own rate based on what we said we needed. 1 kid is in school 3 full days and 2 half days. The other has half days. We didn't realize that her own daughter would require so much care and time. She requires more attention than our 2. But it makes sense that she's competing for mommy's time. Our main concern is her unwillingness to provide proper ID and leaving children unattended while cleaning / rinsing the other children. The ID and her daughter seem to be the greatest concern right now. We are new at this and totally missed the mark. It's our grandkids. My husband travels for work and both my daughter and I are in education (her kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fire her. You hired a dud. But what are you paying? Can’t be much based on the nanny you got.

$20 an hour with a guaranteed rate per week.

Not a good rate to attract a candidate with actual experience working with SN kids or who wants to work a split schedule. Many nannies can get $20/hr working with one non SN child full time.

Thank you. We do realize this, but this was her quoted price. Also, we had several people quote $18-23 when we explained our needs. For the most part, 1 kid (the 2.5 yo nonverbal) is in school 3 whole days 2 half days and the 4 yo goes 5 half half days. We wouldn't really have an issue outside of her unwillingness to show her ID and the fact that her daughter requires more care than our 2.5 yo nonverbal grandson. She said she had worked with special needs kids before.

She quoted that rate bc she’s desperate for a job. She knows it’s cheap which means she will be more likely to get responses and a job. As you can see, she isn’t professional, hence the lower rate. You get what you pay for. Period. Any professional and experienced nanny isn’t taking $20 for two SN kids. Nannies with actual SN experience can demand more. Anyone can say they worked with SN kids before and that’s basically what care.com is, a place where people can lie. For SN you need to be looking elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned your aunt was providing care before you hired this nanny. Is she available now to watch the kids until you find someone new? Or can you or your spouse take some time off work to watch them? I would not keep this woman any longer. I would terminate immediately and no, you do not owe any severance.

When I saw your $20/hr rate at first I thought that was very high, especially considering she brings her own child along. But then I remembered that:
1. You have TWO special needs children
2. You need the person to work a split shift with no compensation in the between hours.
Both of those things will raise the appropriate rate.

When you hire your next nanny you should not even consider someone bringing their own child along; that is too much work along with two special needs children.

To get a quality child care provider for this situation, you will have to pay a much higher rate than $20/hr.

Makes total sense. Thank you. She quoted her own rate based on what we said we needed. 1 kid is in school 3 full days and 2 half days. The other has half days. We didn't realize that her own daughter would require so much care and time. She requires more attention than our 2. But it makes sense that she's competing for mommy's time. Our main concern is her unwillingness to provide proper ID and leaving children unattended while cleaning / rinsing the other children. The ID and her daughter seem to be the greatest concern right now. We are new at this and totally missed the mark. It's our grandkids. My husband travels for work and both my daughter and I are in education (her kids).

You are trying to downplay. That nanny sucks and you got suckered. Fire here and look for another professional nanny but, it will cost you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fire her. You hired a dud. But what are you paying? Can’t be much based on the nanny you got.

$20 an hour with a guaranteed rate per week.

Not a good rate to attract a candidate with actual experience working with SN kids or who wants to work a split schedule. Many nannies can get $20/hr working with one non SN child full time.

Thank you. We do realize this, but this was her quoted price. Also, we had several people quote $18-23 when we explained our needs. For the most part, 1 kid (the 2.5 yo nonverbal) is in school 3 whole days 2 half days and the 4 yo goes 5 half half days. We wouldn't really have an issue outside of her unwillingness to show her ID and the fact that her daughter requires more care than our 2.5 yo nonverbal grandson. She said she had worked with special needs kids before.

She quoted that rate bc she’s desperate for a job. She knows it’s cheap which means she will be more likely to get responses and a job. As you can see, she isn’t professional, hence the lower rate. You get what you pay for. Period. Any professional and experienced nanny isn’t taking $20 for two SN kids. Nannies with actual SN experience can demand more. Anyone can say they worked with SN kids before and that’s basically what care.com is, a place where people can lie. For SN you need to be looking elsewhere.

Thank you so much. I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned your aunt was providing care before you hired this nanny. Is she available now to watch the kids until you find someone new? Or can you or your spouse take some time off work to watch them? I would not keep this woman any longer. I would terminate immediately and no, you do not owe any severance.

When I saw your $20/hr rate at first I thought that was very high, especially considering she brings her own child along. But then I remembered that:
1. You have TWO special needs children
2. You need the person to work a split shift with no compensation in the between hours.
Both of those things will raise the appropriate rate.

When you hire your next nanny you should not even consider someone bringing their own child along; that is too much work along with two special needs children.

To get a quality child care provider for this situation, you will have to pay a much higher rate than $20/hr.

Makes total sense. Thank you. She quoted her own rate based on what we said we needed. 1 kid is in school 3 full days and 2 half days. The other has half days. We didn't realize that her own daughter would require so much care and time. She requires more attention than our 2. But it makes sense that she's competing for mommy's time. Our main concern is her unwillingness to provide proper ID and leaving children unattended while cleaning / rinsing the other children. The ID and her daughter seem to be the greatest concern right now. We are new at this and totally missed the mark. It's our grandkids. My husband travels for work and both my daughter and I are in education (her kids).

Also, I forgot to mention, my aunt lives out of state and came down for 4 weeks. She's not available to come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fire her. You hired a dud. But what are you paying? Can’t be much based on the nanny you got.

$20 an hour with a guaranteed rate per week.

$20/hr for two SN children? No wonder you're having problems. Let her go and next time DO.YOUR.HOMEWORK and make sure she has credentials to take care of SN children. Also, no more letting nanny bring her child to work.

[Anonymous]

You are raising your grandchildren? Or are you pretending this is your issue but it's really your adult child's?

[Anonymous]

I agree with not adding another child into the mix if there are already two special needs children. Additionally, you will likely need to offer $25+ for split shift schedule to get someone good. To answer your questions, yes, you can let her go. Tell her it isn't working out because you haven't been able to obtain a copy of her license as indicated in e-mail you sent her, there have been too many conflicts between your children and her daughter, etc. Just discuss main reasons. As for severance, I would say at least two weeks. If these were my own children, I wouldn't want a disgruntled nanny watching them. Thus, I'd say let her go at end of week, give her two weeks severance, and be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are raising your grandchildren? Or are you pretending this is your issue but it's really your adult child's?

There's no need to be nasty. It sounds like OP's daughter is a single mom with two special needs kids so she (grandma) helps as much as possible.