au pair obsessed with shopping and traveling--normal??

[Anonymous]

the day she arrived she asked me how best to get to NYC. now she's been here not even 3 weeks and she's actually off to NYC this weekend (by herself, she says she didn't know anyone there but is just really been interested in visiting). all the spare time she asks questions about where to shop for winter clothes and Christmas gifts for her family and how Black Friday works. and not a single question about the children outside of work time.
is this normal or should I be worried?

[Anonymous]

Normal

[Anonymous]

Probably normal. I’m beginning to sour on the program and think most of these young women are here to travel, shop, make friends and explore the US, maybe learn English and the childcare is kind of what facilitates that but kind of feels secondary. I think it’s the unicorn AP who is truly passionate about childcare and early childhood education and wants to do the best job she can in that area. I’m hoping I’m wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably normal. I’m beginning to sour on the program and think most of these young women are here to travel, shop, make friends and explore the US, maybe learn English and the childcare is kind of what facilitates that but kind of feels secondary. I think it’s the unicorn AP who is truly passionate about childcare and early childhood education and wants to do the best job she can in that area. I’m hoping I’m wrong

Why would APs not want to travel, learn English, and shop? That’s their once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do it. They can still love your children and bond with you. Those things are not mutually exclusive. Our best APs were those that traveled a lot explored. We loved hearing about their adventures and they loved the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably normal. I’m beginning to sour on the program and think most of these young women are here to travel, shop, make friends and explore the US, maybe learn English and the childcare is kind of what facilitates that but kind of feels secondary. I think it’s the unicorn AP who is truly passionate about childcare and early childhood education and wants to do the best job she can in that area. I’m hoping I’m wrong

Why would APs not want to travel, learn English, and shop? That’s their once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do it. They can still love your children and bond with you. Those things are not mutually exclusive. Our best APs were those that traveled a lot explored. We loved hearing about their adventures and they loved the kids.

They absolutely should make the most out of their time here, travel, shop, make friends and enjoy it. But it would be nice to also approach the child care with professionalism and passion instead of doing the bare minimum to be able to do what (many are) really here to do (shop, travel etc)

[Anonymous]

Our ap has also only been here 3 weeks and was out with a friend until 5:45am Saturday morning, then had all weekend plus yesterday off and came down yesterday evening to tell me she thinks she’s getting sick from our air conditioner and isn’t sure she will be able to work today. I am not pleased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our ap has also only been here 3 weeks and was out with a friend until 5:45am Saturday morning, then had all weekend plus yesterday off and came down yesterday evening to tell me she thinks she’s getting sick from our air conditioner and isn’t sure she will be able to work today. I am not pleased.

We had a very similar experience with our last AP. She was constantly sick, thought she would rally to be able to party with her friends at night. After the second week we told her if she wasn't working she wasn't going out, which she didn't like. After the third week of this we'd had enough.

[Anonymous]

Shopping, travelling and little interest in the kids outside of work sounds pretty normal. Some are better at being part of the family, others are really trying to make the most of the AP experience.

If it interferes with her work, talk to her and set limits. If not, just remember that they are in their 20's and have one year in an amazing new place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shopping, travelling and little interest in the kids outside of work sounds pretty normal. Some are better at being part of the family, others are really trying to make the most of the AP experience.

If it interferes with her work, talk to her and set limits. If not, just remember that they are in their 20's and have one year in an amazing new place.

This. Just remember what is was like when you were that age. This is their once in a lifetime opportunity. My AP loves it so much here that she can't imagine ever going back home. We rarely see her on the weekends (unless she has friends sleepover) and she's quite busy after work with classes and the gym.

I'm pretty sure her goal is to make memories and get married. She's excellent at her job, but is pretty much on her own after work day ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shopping, travelling and little interest in the kids outside of work sounds pretty normal. Some are better at being part of the family, others are really trying to make the most of the AP experience.

If it interferes with her work, talk to her and set limits. If not, just remember that they are in their 20's and have one year in an amazing new place.

This. Just remember what is was like when you were that age. This is their once in a lifetime opportunity. My AP loves it so much here that she can't imagine ever going back home. We rarely see her on the weekends (unless she has friends sleepover) and she's quite busy after work with classes and the gym.

I'm pretty sure her goal is to make memories and get married. She's excellent at her job, but is pretty much on her own after work day ends.

That’s great that your au pair is excellent at her job. That’s not the type I’m talking about. Mine is mediocre at best

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our ap has also only been here 3 weeks and was out with a friend until 5:45am Saturday morning, then had all weekend plus yesterday off and came down yesterday evening to tell me she thinks she’s getting sick from our air conditioner and isn’t sure she will be able to work today. I am not pleased.

We had a very similar experience with our last AP. She was constantly sick, thought she would rally to be able to party with her friends at night. After the second week we told her if she wasn't working she wasn't going out, which she didn't like. After the third week of this we'd had enough.

So did she stay or did you rematch? New ap is definitely underwhelming.

Op, our first au pair was obsessed with shopping and had no other interests. We couldn’t hold a conversation with her and should’ve rematched but we didn’t really know any better. She was fine with the kids who were young, but boring for our eldest and a challenging extra adult to have around for dinners and weekends. She didn’t do much or go out, at least, but she also had nothing to contribute to a conversation. It was a tough year. Our new ap isn’t starting out well but I’m trying to be understanding as she’s new and we all miss our last ap who was stellar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our ap has also only been here 3 weeks and was out with a friend until 5:45am Saturday morning, then had all weekend plus yesterday off and came down yesterday evening to tell me she thinks she’s getting sick from our air conditioner and isn’t sure she will be able to work today. I am not pleased.

We had a very similar experience with our last AP. She was constantly sick, thought she would rally to be able to party with her friends at night. After the second week we told her if she wasn't working she wasn't going out, which she didn't like. After the third week of this we'd had enough.

So did she stay or did you rematch? New ap is definitely underwhelming.

Op, our first au pair was obsessed with shopping and had no other interests. We couldn’t hold a conversation with her and should’ve rematched but we didn’t really know any better. She was fine with the kids who were young, but boring for our eldest and a challenging extra adult to have around for dinners and weekends. She didn’t do much or go out, at least, but she also had nothing to contribute to a conversation. It was a tough year. Our new ap isn’t starting out well but I’m trying to be understanding as she’s new and we all miss our last ap who was stellar.

She did not stay. She's in our home as part of a cultural exchange and we pay her to work. If an AP can't do either of those, off they go.

[Anonymous]

Highlight of my Au Pair career was visiting local 7/11 to get a Slurpee. Ofcourse they want to shop and travel. What's the big deal if they do it on their own time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Highlight of my Au Pair career was visiting local 7/11 to get a Slurpee. Ofcourse they want to shop and travel. What's the big deal if they do it on their own time.

Mismatch in expectation? Host parents expect someone who actually likes kids. Au pairs want to have the time of their life and the child care kinda gets in the way

[Anonymous]

Prefer an au pair who is great at child care and is friendly to us as host parents, but who has her own life. So, a shopping, traveling AP does well with us, because we need our privacy as a family as well.