Long Term Nanny - is this Fair?

[Anonymous]

My child has had the same nanny since they were two. They are headed to high school (age 14). Unfortunately, my DH and I are divorcing. Our nanny is part of our family and a stabilizing influence on our child. She makes sure they do homework, enforced chores and does things like write thank you notes. My DH wants to get rid of our nanny but I feel like that even more transition is too much to ask of our child at this point who truly loves his nanny and she loves him. I am proposing we continue to pay her health insurance and she works 10 hours a week (currently 20). She is in high demand and has other families constantly wanting her time. Is this a fair ask of the nanny? Our child doesn’t “need” a nanny but I feel they do need this one at this time in their life.

[Anonymous]

What, pray tell, have you done other than give birth? No 14 year old needs a nanny or a governess!

Your DH is right.

[Anonymous]

Please let her go. You say she’s in demand, then it’s time she goes help another family. Your 14 needs to become self sufficient. He’s not gonna have a nanny forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What, pray tell, have you done other than give birth? No 14 year old needs a nanny or a governess!

Your DH is right.

I work a demanding job with travel and DH also works. The nanny was needed because DH couldn’t deal despite his much shorter hours...he needed to go to the gym, socialize or play golf. Someone had to shop, cook, laundry, etc. When I get home at 6:30/7, I eat with my family and then we take an evening walk or play cards/bird game or help with homework. I have recently been help my DC with training for their sports. We run at 6 am 3x a week and weekends work on skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please let her go. You say she’s in demand, then it’s time she goes help another family. Your 14 needs to become self sufficient. He’s not gonna have a nanny forever.

At this point she is more of a house assistant than a nanny. DC is fairly self-sufficient....can make meals, takes the bus/metro, does their own laundry, etc. I don’t see forcing additional transition on my kid but maybe I am wrong.

[Anonymous]

My brother is keeping his children’s nanny until they are both driving. Their nanny has been with them since the oldest was born.

Depends on what kind of life style you and the children lead. Lots of sports and activities after school means lots of driving and planning in the suburbs. Dance classes, piano lessons, tutoring - someone has to drive them. Summers and holidays take lots of planning.

Plus they love the nanny and truly consider her a vital part of their children’s lives.

It is up to you, OP. Talk to your nanny. I know our nanny loves babies, toddlers and preschoolers and has no interest in elementary school aged kids. She has already told us that while she always wants to be in our kids’ lives, she isn’t going to work as their nanny past my youngest in kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child has had the same nanny since they were two. They are headed to high school (age 14). Unfortunately, my DH and I are divorcing. Our nanny is part of our family and a stabilizing influence on our child. She makes sure they do homework, enforced chores and does things like write thank you notes. My DH wants to get rid of our nanny but I feel like that even more transition is too much to ask of our child at this point who truly loves his nanny and she loves him. I am proposing we continue to pay her health insurance and she works 10 hours a week (currently 20). She is in high demand and has other families constantly wanting her time. Is this a fair ask of the nanny? Our child doesn’t “need” a nanny but I feel they do need this one at this time in their life.

Why do you keep writing “they” for a single child?

[Anonymous]

Ask your nanny what she wants to do. This is a terrible time for your child - the more consistency in his life the better.

[Anonymous]

So, is this really for the child or you. You want her to make your life easier, which is ok. You pay her and use her in your home on your time. A 14 year old and one parent should be fine without a nanny if he/she has active/involved parents.

You need a mom and housekeeper. If one parent travels, the other parent cares for the child. You want someone to care for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What, pray tell, have you done other than give birth? No 14 year old needs a nanny or a governess!

Your DH is right.

I work a demanding job with travel and DH also works. The nanny was needed because DH couldn’t deal despite his much shorter hours...he needed to go to the gym, socialize or play golf. Someone had to shop, cook, laundry, etc. When I get home at 6:30/7, I eat with my family and then we take an evening walk or play cards/bird game or help with homework. I have recently been help my DC with training for their sports. We run at 6 am 3x a week and weekends work on skills.

You cannot shop, do laundry or cook? I think we see why you are divorcing. Both of you should share responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask your nanny what she wants to do. This is a terrible time for your child - the more consistency in his life the better.

+1. Do whatever to keep things the same for a year.

[Anonymous]

Since your child is at that tender stage of adolescence and his entire family dynamic is in upheaval now, it would seem cruel for your son to lose his beloved Nanny.

He really needs someone around who was consistent as well as stable for personal support.

It would be so wrong of you to have him grieve two losses (significant) at once.

[Anonymous]

(Cont.)
I wish you only the best.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your nanny what she wants to do. This is a terrible time for your child - the more consistency in his life the better.

+1. Do whatever to keep things the same for a year.

+100

[Anonymous]

To the OP: At some point, you stop raising a boy, and you start raising a man. I am on son #4 (he is 13). He was waterboarding himself in the pool the other day because "If I am ever captured by the enemy when I'm a SEAL, no one can torture me with that." I think it is time to cut the cord if your kid still needs a nanny. My kid lives and breathes the U.S. Military and has already spoken with a recruiter.