Long Term Nanny - is this Fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the OP: At some point, you stop raising a boy, and you start raising a man. I am on son #4 (he is 13). He was waterboarding himself in the pool the other day because "If I am ever captured by the enemy when I'm a SEAL, no one can torture me with that." I think it is time to cut the cord if your kid still needs a nanny. My kid lives and breathes the U.S. Military and has already spoken with a recruiter.

What does the I have 4 kids brag (which actually you sound neglectful and could have used a nanny) and your child acting up at the pool have to do with the topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please let her go. You say she’s in demand, then it’s time she goes help another family. Your 14 needs to become self sufficient. He’s not gonna have a nanny forever.

At this point she is more of a house assistant than a nanny. DC is fairly self-sufficient....can make meals, takes the bus/metro, does their own laundry, etc. I don’t see forcing additional transition on my kid but maybe I am wrong.

Most families want full-time care so you'd have to find someone who is willing to do less hours. You really need a house manager and cleaner if you don't want to do that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask your nanny what she wants to do. This is a terrible time for your child - the more consistency in his life the better.

This. Any child psychologist will tell you not to do more than one transition at a time. Moves, divorce, changing/terminating caregiver... If you don’t have a choice, they’ll adjust, but it’s better to stagger transitions.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it, and to be honest, I thought many of the responses were harsh. If op had posted in the infants and toddlers board, she would have gotten "hire more help" "don't let a baby or a husband put a damper on your career" "Men are just as capable as women" "It's not worth fighting with your husband, pay someone and you can get the free time you need".
OP is unusual in that she found a nanny that for whatever reason stayed with her family for a long time. Isn't that what everybody wants when they say "I want a loving nanny... someone who is loyal and committed to my family"?

If the nanny wants to keep working for your family during this transition, I'd let her, assuming that you want her as well. Your son probably desperately needs the stability, as well as the daily contact with a woman whom he does not view as sexual. Mom and Dad will probably start dating as well they should, and the kid is very aware that he is becoming a sexual being. He will probably need someone whom he trusts and who you trust to help him process the divorce, how and why it happened, as well as seeing mom and dad start and in all likelihood end romantic relationships with other partners. This is assuming that neither parent meets and then dates anybody truly yucky. Think too about if you want him coming to an empty house, boys can get into trouble with girls just like girls can get into trouble with boys. Nobody cares though until the girl gets pregnant. Being as "open-minded" as this board claims to be, I'm surprised nobody cares about inappropriate and/or premature sexual contact and it's physical, emotional and mental impact on OP's son.


The only thing I'd caution op against is the nanny's demands. Nobody wants to be in any sort of relationship where one partner goes on and on about how wanted they are.... wanted by other people. We are all free to gracefully leave any relationship we want, and that includes a nanny relationship. I'd be tired of that nonsense, which may be the reason the witches jumped on you.