Nanny quit because of my partner

[Anonymous]

I split from DH after I had an affair, I now live with my affair partner as of last week.
My out of school nanny agreed to work between both homes (mine and my exes). However when she found out my affair partner had moved in and she would be seeing a lot of him, she quit. Apparently she hasn't been happy for a while and she didn't want to interact with the man who blew up our daughters life.
Not sure why I am posting but I just wanted to talk it through and ask if this is what other nannies would do.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- Yes I would also quit. It’s hard to work for someone you don’t respect.

[Anonymous]

Trollllllll

[Anonymous]

Troll...me personally I don't care what you do as long as my check clears

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I split from DH after I had an affair, I now live with my affair partner as of last week.
My out of school nanny agreed to work between both homes (mine and my exes). However when she found out my affair partner had moved in and she would be seeing a lot of him, she quit. Apparently she hasn't been happy for a while and she didn't want to interact with the man who blew up our daughters life.
Not sure why I am posting but I just wanted to talk it through and ask if this is what other nannies would do.

OP, YOU blew up your daughter's life.

[Anonymous]

Well well well. Please don't judge OP's life.
You don't know she left her husband and it is none of our business.

You will have to find another nanny, OP.
I am a nanny and wouldn't want to work with someone I feel uncomfortable with.

I am hoping your daughter will feel better and better.

[Anonymous]

Where is all of the outcry from nannies regarding severing close emotional ties? On the long term damage being done to OP's child because of the loss of her primary caregiver?

Shouldn't this nanny be held to the same standard as nannies who are fired because the parent has an issue with them?
Or do those severed emotional ties only have long lasting negative impacts if its the parents' doing the severing?

[Anonymous]

She already hasn't been happy -- this situation cannot be easy for her -- and the AP moving in was probably the last straw. That would be really uncomfortable for her, especially if she is providing care at your ex-husband's home, too.

[Anonymous]

If I was aware of the situation as it unfolded, I would have been trying to help the daughter. However, she’s school age, and you’re now modeling worse and worse choices, so no, I would no longer be willing to provide care. With that said, all of my former charges are allowed to contact me whenever they need or want to talk, and I would have offered bimonthly weekend outings for her, without you, your ex or your AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is all of the outcry from nannies regarding severing close emotional ties? On the long term damage being done to OP's child because of the loss of her primary caregiver?

Shouldn't this nanny be held to the same standard as nannies who are fired because the parent has an issue with them?
Or do those severed emotional ties only have long lasting negative impacts if its the parents' doing the severing?

Oh stop your nonsense! We have no idea if the nanny will visit and stay in the child’s life or not. Everyone understands that nanny jobs end for one reason or another. The damaging issue is and will always be nannies who simply walk away and severe all contact and parents who refuse to let the nanny see the child who has loved and depended on her all her life.

Stop being such a pathetic jerk, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is all of the outcry from nannies regarding severing close emotional ties? On the long term damage being done to OP's child because of the loss of her primary caregiver?

Shouldn't this nanny be held to the same standard as nannies who are fired because the parent has an issue with them?
Or do those severed emotional ties only have long lasting negative impacts if its the parents' doing the severing?

We don’t know that the nanny will refuse to see the little girl. If the nanny does cut out all contact suddenly then she would be wrong.

Are you the mother who read your nanny’s phone and found out she posted something anonymously about you - and then fired her without even getting a chance to say goodbye to your daughter? You damaged your own little girl for nothing but vengeance against the nanny who dared post a criticism of your parenting. You are truly horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is all of the outcry from nannies regarding severing close emotional ties? On the long term damage being done to OP's child because of the loss of her primary caregiver?

Shouldn't this nanny be held to the same standard as nannies who are fired because the parent has an issue with them?
Or do those severed emotional ties only have long lasting negative impacts if its the parents' doing the severing?

1) We have no idea HOW the nanny quit. I don’t judge parents for letting a nanny go, but if they fire a nanny with little or no notice and no plan in place to ease that transition emotionally for their child then yes, that is damaging, particularly if they do it multiples times with multiple nannies.
2) Pop quiz: The person who should at all times be putting the well-being of the child ahead of their own needs is: a) the parent or b) the nanny? I put the kids ahead of my needs 60 hours a week but in my off time and in my overall life I am not responsible for them. One of the basic principles of being a successful nanny: you can’t care more than the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is all of the outcry from nannies regarding severing close emotional ties? On the long term damage being done to OP's child because of the loss of her primary caregiver?

Shouldn't this nanny be held to the same standard as nannies who are fired because the parent has an issue with them?
Or do those severed emotional ties only have long lasting negative impacts if its the parents' doing the severing?

1) We have no idea HOW the nanny quit. I don’t judge parents for letting a nanny go, but if they fire a nanny with little or no notice and no plan in place to ease that transition emotionally for their child then yes, that is damaging, particularly if they do it multiples times with multiple nannies.
2) Pop quiz: The person who should at all times be putting the well-being of the child ahead of their own needs is: a) the parent or b) the nanny? I put the kids ahead of my needs 60 hours a week but in my off time and in my overall life I am not responsible for them. One of the basic principles of being a successful nanny: you can’t care more than the parents.

However sometimes the parents care so little that the nanny has no choice but to care more.

If you figure out how to love less as a nanny, please let me know. Honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is all of the outcry from nannies regarding severing close emotional ties? On the long term damage being done to OP's child because of the loss of her primary caregiver?

Shouldn't this nanny be held to the same standard as nannies who are fired because the parent has an issue with them?
Or do those severed emotional ties only have long lasting negative impacts if its the parents' doing the severing?

1) We have no idea HOW the nanny quit. I don’t judge parents for letting a nanny go, but if they fire a nanny with little or no notice and no plan in place to ease that transition emotionally for their child then yes, that is damaging, particularly if they do it multiples times with multiple nannies.
2) Pop quiz: The person who should at all times be putting the well-being of the child ahead of their own needs is: a) the parent or b) the nanny? I put the kids ahead of my needs 60 hours a week but in my off time and in my overall life I am not responsible for them. One of the basic principles of being a successful nanny: you can’t care more than the parents.

However sometimes the parents care so little that the nanny has no choice but to care more.

If you figure out how to love less as a nanny, please let me know. Honestly.

It all comes down to interview skills. If you don’t want to work for neglectful, dysfunctional parents, it’s on you to screen for that.

[Anonymous]

He didn't blow up the kids lives, you did. Take responsibility. She doesn't want to work for a cheater who cared nothing about her family.