Nanny quit because of my partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is all of the outcry from nannies regarding severing close emotional ties? On the long term damage being done to OP's child because of the loss of her primary caregiver?

Shouldn't this nanny be held to the same standard as nannies who are fired because the parent has an issue with them?
Or do those severed emotional ties only have long lasting negative impacts if its the parents' doing the severing?

1) We have no idea HOW the nanny quit. I don’t judge parents for letting a nanny go, but if they fire a nanny with little or no notice and no plan in place to ease that transition emotionally for their child then yes, that is damaging, particularly if they do it multiples times with multiple nannies.
2) Pop quiz: The person who should at all times be putting the well-being of the child ahead of their own needs is: a) the parent or b) the nanny? I put the kids ahead of my needs 60 hours a week but in my off time and in my overall life I am not responsible for them. One of the basic principles of being a successful nanny: you can’t care more than the parents.

However sometimes the parents care so little that the nanny has no choice but to care more.

If you figure out how to love less as a nanny, please let me know. Honestly.

It all comes down to interview skills. If you don’t want to work for neglectful, dysfunctional parents, it’s on you to screen for that.

In part but not completely. Anyone can be fooled in an interview. This was true in my case when I interviewed with a pregnant couple. I had no idea they would be so selfish since I had no opportunity to see them with their child. They talked a damn good game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is all of the outcry from nannies regarding severing close emotional ties? On the long term damage being done to OP's child because of the loss of her primary caregiver?

Shouldn't this nanny be held to the same standard as nannies who are fired because the parent has an issue with them?
Or do those severed emotional ties only have long lasting negative impacts if its the parents' doing the severing?

1) We have no idea HOW the nanny quit. I don’t judge parents for letting a nanny go, but if they fire a nanny with little or no notice and no plan in place to ease that transition emotionally for their child then yes, that is damaging, particularly if they do it multiples times with multiple nannies.
2) Pop quiz: The person who should at all times be putting the well-being of the child ahead of their own needs is: a) the parent or b) the nanny? I put the kids ahead of my needs 60 hours a week but in my off time and in my overall life I am not responsible for them. One of the basic principles of being a successful nanny: you can’t care more than the parents.

However sometimes the parents care so little that the nanny has no choice but to care more.

If you figure out how to love less as a nanny, please let me know. Honestly.

It all comes down to interview skills. If you don’t want to work for neglectful, dysfunctional parents, it’s on you to screen for that.

In part but not completely. Anyone can be fooled in an interview. This was true in my case when I interviewed with a pregnant couple. I had no idea they would be so selfish since I had no opportunity to see them with their child. They talked a damn good game.

You need to learn to read between the lines. Ask tough questions and wait silently for the answer. The right family will view it as a good sign that you know what you are looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is all of the outcry from nannies regarding severing close emotional ties? On the long term damage being done to OP's child because of the loss of her primary caregiver?

Shouldn't this nanny be held to the same standard as nannies who are fired because the parent has an issue with them?
Or do those severed emotional ties only have long lasting negative impacts if its the parents' doing the severing?

1) We have no idea HOW the nanny quit. I don’t judge parents for letting a nanny go, but if they fire a nanny with little or no notice and no plan in place to ease that transition emotionally for their child then yes, that is damaging, particularly if they do it multiples times with multiple nannies.
2) Pop quiz: The person who should at all times be putting the well-being of the child ahead of their own needs is: a) the parent or b) the nanny? I put the kids ahead of my needs 60 hours a week but in my off time and in my overall life I am not responsible for them. One of the basic principles of being a successful nanny: you can’t care more than the parents.

However sometimes the parents care so little that the nanny has no choice but to care more.

If you figure out how to love less as a nanny, please let me know. Honestly.

It all comes down to interview skills. If you don’t want to work for neglectful, dysfunctional parents, it’s on you to screen for that.

In part but not completely. Anyone can be fooled in an interview. This was true in my case when I interviewed with a pregnant couple. I had no idea they would be so selfish since I had no opportunity to see them with their child. They talked a damn good game.

You need to learn to read between the lines. Ask tough questions and wait silently for the answer. The right family will view it as a good sign that you know what you are looking for.

No. In all professions and occupations, a potential employer can be hood-winked. Has nothing to do with “asking tough questions”. MB here and you will change your tune as you get older and have more interviews and jobs that don’t work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is all of the outcry from nannies regarding severing close emotional ties? On the long term damage being done to OP's child because of the loss of her primary caregiver?

Shouldn't this nanny be held to the same standard as nannies who are fired because the parent has an issue with them?
Or do those severed emotional ties only have long lasting negative impacts if its the parents' doing the severing?

1) We have no idea HOW the nanny quit. I don’t judge parents for letting a nanny go, but if they fire a nanny with little or no notice and no plan in place to ease that transition emotionally for their child then yes, that is damaging, particularly if they do it multiples times with multiple nannies.
2) Pop quiz: The person who should at all times be putting the well-being of the child ahead of their own needs is: a) the parent or b) the nanny? I put the kids ahead of my needs 60 hours a week but in my off time and in my overall life I am not responsible for them. One of the basic principles of being a successful nanny: you can’t care more than the parents.

However sometimes the parents care so little that the nanny has no choice but to care more.

If you figure out how to love less as a nanny, please let me know. Honestly.

It all comes down to interview skills. If you don’t want to work for neglectful, dysfunctional parents, it’s on you to screen for that.

In part but not completely. Anyone can be fooled in an interview. This was true in my case when I interviewed with a pregnant couple. I had no idea they would be so selfish since I had no opportunity to see them with their child. They talked a damn good game.

You need to learn to read between the lines. Ask tough questions and wait silently for the answer. The right family will view it as a good sign that you know what you are looking for.

No. In all professions and occupations, a potential employer can be hood-winked. Has nothing to do with “asking tough questions”. MB here and you will change your tune as you get older and have more interviews and jobs that don’t work out.

I’ve been a nanny for 15 years and in that time I have also worked as an NCS so I have interviewed with many, many families since NCS gigs often last only a few months. If anything doesn’t feel right I move on. I have never had a client I couldn’t work with at least through our term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I split from DH after I had an affair, I now live with my affair partner as of last week.
My out of school nanny agreed to work between both homes (mine and my exes). However when she found out my affair partner had moved in and she would be seeing a lot of him, she quit. Apparently she hasn't been happy for a while and she didn't want to interact with the man who blew up our daughters life.
Not sure why I am posting but I just wanted to talk it through and ask if this is what other nannies would do.

Good for her. She has morals and a code of ethics. Too bad you don't.

[Anonymous]

I believe you posted about the nanny reading a card that you displayed from your now-partner. It is what it is. Not everyone will support your decisions. Make sure that you are being thoughtful on the actions you are taking as they do affect your child. Other than that, just live your best life and be happy! You will fond another nanny. It’s a bummer that she isn’t comfortable with the situation but all you can do is reflect on there decisions that you are making, make sure that you are putting your child’s well being above your own, and look for a new nanny. I wish you peace and happiness!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I split from DH after I had an affair, I now live with my affair partner as of last week.
My out of school nanny agreed to work between both homes (mine and my exes). However when she found out my affair partner had moved in and she would be seeing a lot of him, she quit. Apparently she hasn't been happy for a while and she didn't want to interact with the man who blew up our daughters life.
Not sure why I am posting but I just wanted to talk it through and ask if this is what other nannies would do.

Good for her. She has morals and a code of ethics. Too bad you don't.

You are judging a stranger on the internet and think you are the decider of morality??? Think again! Adult relationships are complicated, that is the reality of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe you posted about the nanny reading a card that you displayed from your now-partner. It is what it is. Not everyone will support your decisions. Make sure that you are being thoughtful on the actions you are taking as they do affect your child. Other than that, just live your best life and be happy! You will fond another nanny. It’s a bummer that she isn’t comfortable with the situation but all you can do is reflect on there decisions that you are making, make sure that you are putting your child’s well being above your own, and look for a new nanny. I wish you peace and happiness!

I don’t think it is the same poster. Both OP’s are deeply troubled however so I understand your suspicion it’s the same person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe you posted about the nanny reading a card that you displayed from your now-partner. It is what it is. Not everyone will support your decisions. Make sure that you are being thoughtful on the actions you are taking as they do affect your child. Other than that, just live your best life and be happy! You will fond another nanny. It’s a bummer that she isn’t comfortable with the situation but all you can do is reflect on there decisions that you are making, make sure that you are putting your child’s well being above your own, and look for a new nanny. I wish you peace and happiness!

I don’t think it is the same poster. Both OP’s are deeply troubled however so I understand your suspicion it’s the same person.

“Deeply troubled”!?!? The narrow mindedness is astonishing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe you posted about the nanny reading a card that you displayed from your now-partner. It is what it is. Not everyone will support your decisions. Make sure that you are being thoughtful on the actions you are taking as they do affect your child. Other than that, just live your best life and be happy! You will fond another nanny. It’s a bummer that she isn’t comfortable with the situation but all you can do is reflect on there decisions that you are making, make sure that you are putting your child’s well being above your own, and look for a new nanny. I wish you peace and happiness!

I don’t think it is the same poster. Both OP’s are deeply troubled however so I understand your suspicion it’s the same person.

“Deeply troubled”!?!? The narrow mindedness is astonishing.

Yes, I agree. Both posters are deeply troubled. Nothing narrow minded about markedly unwell behavior as well as the need for public opinions on that behavior. My comment has nothing to do with morality and everything to do with mental health.

[Anonymous]

A person falling in love with someone else isn’t the worst thing in the world, not even close. I am assuming that OP understands the gravity of the decisions she is making and it is in her best interest to make the choices she is. It is absolutely narrow minded to simply assume that everything in life goes as planned or to assume that OP makes these decisions casually. She doesn’t need to justify those choices to us. I do think the place to talk about this is on the relationship forum though, as there really isn’t any advice about nannies needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A person falling in love with someone else isn’t the worst thing in the world, not even close. I am assuming that OP understands the gravity of the decisions she is making and it is in her best interest to make the choices she is. It is absolutely narrow minded to simply assume that everything in life goes as planned or to assume that OP makes these decisions casually. She doesn’t need to justify those choices to us. I do think the place to talk about this is on the relationship forum though, as there really isn’t any advice about nannies needed.

Come on! OP is worried about her nanny and not her own child! OP is not a well woman!

[Anonymous]

obvious troll is obvious

[Anonymous]

I think this one is a toughie OP.

Because on one hand, your daughter has the fresh upset that her family broke up....
Then her beloved Nanny disappears.

That is like double whammy.

But I fully understand your Nanny should not feel obligated to work in an environment where she is no longer comfortable either.

Hopefully things will work themselves out.
In a good way so that all are happy.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP is either a troll or the dumbest woman on the planet. I truly hope she is a troll.