Would hiring an au pair be a good fit for our situation?
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Anonymous
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My DH has been offered a job that requires weekly travel so he will be home only Friday afternoon-Sunday. I work full time and we have two kids (DS1 is 5 with high functioning autism and DS2 is 3 and neurotypical). DS1 currently goes to PEP for half a day and an ABA therapists comes to our house for the other half. My mom is here with us until mid-June to help out. DS1 starts kindergarten in the Fall and will be going to Summer camp from 7:30-6. DS2 goes to preschool located in my office building all day. Once DS1 is in kindergarten, we will continue with the ABA therapy but it will be from when he gets home at 4:15 to 6:15.
I would need someone at home for DS1 in the mornings from when I leave at 7:30 to 9 when the school bus comes, and 4:15-6:15 when I get home. The ABA therapist needs someone at home who is over 18. If we get an au pair, we would like her to cook dinner while the ABA therapist is working with DS1 and gave the kids a bath while I clean up the kitchen after dinner. Occasionally, we may need her to help out half day on the weekend if DH can't travel home for some reason so that I can clean the house or when there is no school for some reason. It would be nice if she can do the kid's laundry and enforce having the kids cleaning up after themselves, especially their toys. So I estimate we need the au pair to work 25 hours a week for most weeks. For next summer, we plan on having DS1 continue camp but maybe from 9:30-3:30. Given our situation, would an au pair be most suitable for us? |
Anonymous
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yes as long as you have a plan for when there is no school. Summer camp is great but what about spring break, snow days, sick days, early release days etc.
I also think you should hire a cleaning person weekly or biweekly and not clean when your have been at work all week and not seen your kids much. Not knocking you if you really cant affod it, but if you can I would prioritize seeing your kids on the weekend and not cleaning. |
Anonymous
| Sounds good as long as you have a rock solid back up plan. You may want to look into pro au pair |
Anonymous
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It will probably take you a while to match but it is possible.
Most candidates will not like the single parent during the week set up so just be patient when trying to find a candidate. |
Anonymous
| We have similar hours and have had au pairs for about 4 years now. But both kids are neurotypical so I haven’t had to match with that factor. |
Anonymous
| What does neurotypical mean? |
Anonymous
OP here...neurotypical means they do not have any diagnosed neuro-psychological issues. DS1 is speech delayed and has sensory processing disorders. However, most days he will listen and follow direction, particularly if a routine has been established. However, he does have self-regulation issues and will break down if he doesn’t understand why a change from the routine needs to occur. He is getting better about it and will listen if adults take the time to explain why the change. He is very much the kind of person that feels there should be logics behind things and a simple I told you to do it doesn’t work. Both DS1 and DS2 are the kind that will try to push boundaries so if the Au Pair lets them walk all over her than it would not work. |
Anonymous
| OP again. I can be there for spring break and winter break since I have 5.5 weeks of vacation per year and 6 weeks of vacation banked. I also have sick leave and have a boss that is flexible with me working from home. I live about 25 minutes from work. So there is flexibility for me to rush home in case something happened. I just can’t be watching my kids when I work from home. |
Anonymous
| OP, an AP can make dinner for herself and kids every night. But she’s not expected to cook for you, beyond being part of the family unit, which translates to trading nights with you. Your best option is to have her do dinner for herself and kids, do baths and bed yourself, then eat. |
Anonymous
OP here...if this is the case, I think it might be better to send DS1 to before and aftercare since the ABA therapist can go to the aftercare program. We pass by DS's school everyday to go to work and there is before/after school care right in the school. You can pay extra for half days, delayed openings, and Spring/Winter break. That way, I can get a cleaner for the house that comes a couple days a week to do laundry and clean the house. I can then use my weekends to prep meals and put it in the freezer. |
Anonymous
Sounds like that’s best. |
Anonymous
| I would hire a nanny/housekeeper for your situation because you need help with more than the kids and also because you want stability and APs change every year even if you find a great one... |
Anonymous
| The need to make dinner makes an AP a hard no. |
Anonymous
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I think your situation is a bit extreme and an AP would be a disaster.
APs are really good when things are simple; kids are school age, a few practices for sports they drive to, etc. Expecting them to be a professional, like what it sounds like you need; is definitely a nanny role. And probably a good (experiences and expensive type) one. We love having APs, but our expectations are more that they do not leave a bunch of dishes in their room and keep their car relatively clean. Your expectations of the program and a young individual coming here for an extended travel/fun/some child care may be too high. |
Anonymous
Its a term used to insult kids with special needs or developmental delays by highlighting the differences. Its a completely unnecessary comment. |