another lack of common sense story
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Anonymous
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Yesterday kids were off school for election day. AP was scheduled to be on duty for the full day. Kids are 8 and 12. I typically set screen time limits (e.g. 2 hours total time) because kids will use screens as much as they can get away with. However, APs often have trouble enforcing the limits. Therefore, I also sometimes have screen-free days because that seems much easier for everyone. (why is that. . . ?) Yesterday, I explained to the kids and to the AP that it was a screen-free day. All agreed and understood. As I was leaving, 12 year old said a particular soccer match would be on, could that be an exception? I said no to the soccer match (in front of AP). No screens. Left for work.
Got home last night. Asked how the screen-free day went. Learned that they mostly followed it, but that AP had decided the it was ok to watch the soccer match in the afternoon and told the kids that the screen free time did not apply to AP. Of course, kids were they are also watched with AP for part of that time. WHAT!?! We had a serious sit down with AP last night. We asked why? How could that have been ok in AP's mind? Didn't really get a good answer but did get an admission of making a mistake. We are moving forward, but the trust is significantly damaged. We are considering rematch. Would you rematch over something like this? We were very upset. Am I over-reacting? Would you loop in the LCC? |
Anonymous
| Every family is different, but I don't see why a no-school day couldn't have a fun social soccer match viewing party as part of it, especially if you're not completely against screens. I mean yeah, she shouldn't have done that, but seems unnecessarily tough for a day off school. |
Anonymous
+1 OP is being a little draconian. How about having the screen free days when you are in charge of the kids? |
Anonymous
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It seems very extreme to rematch over that. Inagree with PP ^^^ .
Just to be clear, you didn’t limit the pairs screen time, right? She just used that as an excuse to let the kids watch? |
Anonymous
| Was she off when she watched the soccer? If she was still in charge I would be upset too but rematch because of this? Please you can't be serious.. I'm going to assume you are not controlling her free time! |
Anonymous
| AP disregarded your explicit instruction? I would make note of it with the agency, and continue to have reset conversations with AP. Most likely there will be future issues. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I hear you all that you think no screen time is "draconian" and "extreme" etc. Completely beside the point, although I think whether it is draconian is possibly debatable.
The point is I had a rule for my children, which I expected to be followed and made clear to all. AP decided to do for himself, during his work time, the thing I asked them not to do and then allowed the kids to do along with him. He can watch all the soccer matches he likes in his free time. Again, not the point. I expect the AP to follow the rules I set. As I also said, this particular rule ultimately makes child care easier for the AP--at least how things go in my household. Another little fact--AP asked the 12 year-old to find the channel for the match and put it on for him, even though the child told him they were not supposed to watch. It was on the large tv in the family room. He wasn't watching on his phone or something. Maybe I am over-reacting --that's partly what I was coming here to gauge. I still don't see this as no big deal, though. |
Anonymous
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So personally I let my kids watch more TV when I’m with them vs when the au pair is. It’s their job to look after the kids and with the exception of food prep and helping with kid laundry, they don’t have other household responsibility. On a Saturday my kids easily have 3 hours of screen time while I go to Costco, clean the bathrooms, pay bills, answer emails about play dates etc. So I have a “one hour” screen time limit with AP for full days on duty unless someone is ill.
I think a full day with kids with no break really wears you down so this hour is a “break” when kids are off school for a holiday or summer etc. but an hour is it. Directly ignoring your direction is a problem. I wouldn’t rematch over one event of this magnitude but I would be on higher alert. |
Anonymous
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Like PP states, it’s the ignoring of an explicit instruction while on duty that is the problem and potential trust issue. What’s next and how far do you think it could go? AP suddenly decides that the “no alcohol for kids” rules don’t apply to him and he drinks on duty?
In addition, AP was a terrible role model for the kid that knew better. Honestly, I’d have a serious trust issue on whether AP ever followed the screen limit rules during the entire time. Tell AP that they’re on notice and see if their behavior gets better or worse. If worse or nothing changes, rematch. |
Anonymous
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Hide the tablets and turn off the wifi. Or, put restrictions on the tablets with time limits.
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Anonymous
Bingo! |
Anonymous
| Yes she should follow your instructions but if you normally allow upto 2 hours why would you pick a day off school to be a screen free day for no real reason? This is how resentment builds. What was in the plan for the day or did you just say no screens and left? |
Anonymous
But that would mean more parenting. It's not as if a parent's job is actually looking after their children, is it? /s Please, OP. Have screen free days while you are with the children and see how much fun it is. Bonding time!
Yes, breaking the law by providing alcohol to two minors is totally the same than watching a soccer match. |
Anonymous
+1 OP is right that it's completely beside the point that her kids are allowed to watch TV at other times. The problem here is that AP ignored explicit instructions and set a bad example for the kids, who knew they weren't supposed to be watching. OP, I'd be really steamed about this too, but it seems like overkill to rematch over one error unless you have been having other problems. I'd just convey how serious you are about this and rematch only if this becomes a repeat issue. |
Anonymous
Stop trolling and read what it says. It's an extreme example of a rule AP might break because rules simply don't apply to him. You missed the entertaining posts last year about the AP that poured herself a glass of wine and was drinking it when her host mom got home. |