Will I ever trust a nanny?

[Anonymous]

My sister has a great nanny. She is older and very responsible as well as just being a good, loving nanny. Nanny picks up my niece at preschool and drops her off most mornings my sister never calls the nanny to make sure she got there or it went well. One night a week my sister has date night and doesn’t come home to put my niece to bed and my sister doesn’t call.

I just had a baby and don’t think I will ever be that trusting. Will I? Assuming I find a great nanny, will I ever be as trusting as my sister?

[Anonymous]

Yes. When we were starting to look for a nanny when DS was about 3 months old, someone told me I'd feel much better once I'd interviewed a few people and realized that they were normal, wonderful people who love children. In your fantasies, they are all mysterious, weird, cold, potential child-killers, but in reality, you realize as soon as you meet a few people, that your imagination has totally run away with you.

That said, I never quite got over the fear of letting someone else drive off with my children. You just have to smile and get through it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe and maybe not. My friend had severe postpartum anxiety and used to call her nanny every hour and whenever she heard the baby cry on the nanny cam. My friend wouldn’t just tell the nanny something - like don’t use regular dishwashing soap on the baby bottles - she would actually hide the regular dish soap in her bedroom.

She went thru two nannies before getting treatment and then had a terrible time finding a third nanny with the red flag of having had two nannies quit. Her current nanny is just okay - no truly good nanny is going to take a job with a woman who lost two nannies in four months!

Check yourself, OP.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I grew up with nannies so it seems totally normal to me. DH grew up with a nanny so he has a similar attitude.

It was hard with our first DD when I went back to work - I was probably checking in twice a day or so for the first week. DH was watching the nanny cam daily.

But after we kept seeing that things were going well, we relaxed. Now we trust our nanny completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister has a great nanny. She is older and very responsible as well as just being a good, loving nanny. Nanny picks up my niece at preschool and drops her off most mornings my sister never calls the nanny to make sure she got there or it went well. One night a week my sister has date night and doesn’t come home to put my niece to bed and my sister doesn’t call.

I just had a baby and don’t think I will ever be that trusting. Will I? Assuming I find a great nanny, will I ever be as trusting as my sister?

Stay home. No nanny is going to put up with you paranoia.

[Anonymous]

Trust is earned. You can’t trust someone you’ve just met. You get to know them and then trust them. Prior to that you have to go by their references. This is why the best nanny recommendations are personal recommendations from other parents that you know.

I generally have difficulty trusting people, but we’ve had two nannies that I trusted (two different cities). We’ve also had two that were horrible. One was a college student and stole medications from my cabinet. One made herself out to be Mary Pippins, had 15 five-star reviews on Care, and turned out to be a phone nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust is earned. You can’t trust someone you’ve just met. You get to know them and then trust them. Prior to that you have to go by their references. This is why the best nanny recommendations are personal recommendations from other parents that you know.

I generally have difficulty trusting people, but we’ve had two nannies that I trusted (two different cities). We’ve also had two that were horrible. One was a college student and stole medications from my cabinet. One made herself out to be Mary Pippins, had 15 five-star reviews on Care, and turned out to be a phone nanny.

What is a phone nanny?

[Anonymous]

I trust my nanny with my baby more than I do DH or my MIL. That is the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe and maybe not. My friend had severe postpartum anxiety and used to call her nanny every hour and whenever she heard the baby cry on the nanny cam. My friend wouldn’t just tell the nanny something - like don’t use regular dishwashing soap on the baby bottles - she would actually hide the regular dish soap in her bedroom.

She went thru two nannies before getting treatment and then had a terrible time finding a third nanny with the red flag of having had two nannies quit. Her current nanny is just okay - no truly good nanny is going to take a job with a woman who lost two nannies in four months!

Check yourself, OP.

A career nanny will if you disclose that it was due to pp issues, there’s a current treatment plan, you pay higher than might otherwise be expected, and you make sure not to micromanage. If not? I agree, you have zero chance of someone great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust is earned. You can’t trust someone you’ve just met. You get to know them and then trust them. Prior to that you have to go by their references. This is why the best nanny recommendations are personal recommendations from other parents that you know.

I generally have difficulty trusting people, but we’ve had two nannies that I trusted (two different cities). We’ve also had two that were horrible. One was a college student and stole medications from my cabinet. One made herself out to be Mary Pippins, had 15 five-star reviews on Care, and turned out to be a phone nanny.

What is a phone nanny?

A phone Nanny is one who thinks her Smartphone is a fifth limb.

She is constantly checking her email, Facebook, Instagram, etc....

She is simply way too distracted to be a good caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust is earned. You can’t trust someone you’ve just met. You get to know them and then trust them. Prior to that you have to go by their references. This is why the best nanny recommendations are personal recommendations from other parents that you know.

I generally have difficulty trusting people, but we’ve had two nannies that I trusted (two different cities). We’ve also had two that were horrible. One was a college student and stole medications from my cabinet. One made herself out to be Mary Pippins, had 15 five-star reviews on Care, and turned out to be a phone nanny.

What is a phone nanny?

A phone Nanny is one who thinks her Smartphone is a fifth limb.

She is constantly checking her email, Facebook, Instagram, etc....

She is simply way too distracted to be a good caregiver.

I am a nanny and I agree completely. I just never heard the term “phone nanny”.

[Anonymous]

If you want a nanny, want that person to be a true partner in caring for your child, want that person to be open and honest with you, want that person to stay with your family for a year/two/three etc... then you need to trust the person.

If you don't find a way to build and allow trust no good nanny will want to stay with your family.

Interview well, be thorough in your reference checks, prioritize candidates who came to you through referrals from other moms, have your first choice spend time with your kids (trial days), etc... If you do all of those things well then by the time you hire someone they won't be a stranger anymore, you will know a lot about them and you will hire someone you trust with that trust being built on information and observation.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully, yes. There is not much point in having a nanny otherwise.

I trust ournanny completely. Like your sister, after nearly three years, I never check to make sure DD is picked up, got there on time or is happy. Our nanny has a track recons of telling me if something important occurred and notbugging me with minutiae.

[Anonymous]

First, figure out exactly what your top priorities are and hire for that. Don’t try to talk yourself out of pet peeves; lean into them. If you get super skeeved out about indoor playplaces but love the idea of your child spending time outdoors, hire for that! Your irrational biases will most likely not go away and hiring a nanny who cares for kids in a way you are logiocally okay is not going to cut it. You need someone who is philosophically in a realm you FEEL comfortable with.

Second, you won’t be trusting “a nanny,” you will be trusting Olga or Daria or Ameena—it will feel somewhat different when it is a real person who loves children and has glowing references and you have sat and talked with for hours and has held your baby in front of you.

Third, no one expects you to hand over your newborn and just see them 10 hours later. Trust grows over time. Any nanny with newborn experience also know about working with newborn parents and the delicate tightrope walk that requires.

So, first you find someone that you genuinely like. Pick someone with whom you have good rapport and an easy, comfortable back-and-forth. Then you start small. Have her shadow you for a day, then the next day have her handle part of the day solo (such as putting baby down for a nap, handling some feeds, etc.) with you in the house. The next day, have her take over for a few hours in a row (e.g., 9-1 or 1-6) and you leave the house. Ask for and expect updates with photos, questions and so on. Then you are ready to leave for the whole day.

Even once nanny is caring for baby for the entire day, remember that all you need to trust her with at first is to keep your baby safe and loved. You cannot and should not trust or expect her to do everything exactly as you would, but you have chosen someone who agrees with you on the most important things, and your first big leap of faith is to let her try. As you go on there will be points of contention and the way she works with you to resolve them (forthright and respectful) Will put your mind at ease. There were also be things that she does that you never would have Trent to expect or ask for, that are so wonderful and lovely. There will be moments of such natural affection and joy between your nanny and your child that you are overwhelmed with gratitude that this person is in your life. Over time your trust and comfort will grow until you can’t imagine life without her!

[Anonymous]

I trusted my nanny pretty much from day 1 largely due to the fact that she had been with 2 previous families in our neighborhood 5 years and 6 years respectively. I didn’t know the families well but talked to them both and they both raved about her. I did not allow myself to check in regularly, get a nanny can etc. bc no nanny would ever do exactly what I wanted all the time and I knew I’d drive myself crazy over the details versus trusting that she was safe, loving, and acting in the best interest of my child.