Anyone caught off guard by a rematch?

[Anonymous]

First time HM here. Our au pair has been here for a month and we’ve had a rocky start, due to no one’s fault (I got injured her second day here, lots of sickness of both her and the kids, hasn’t found other au pairs she likes yet). Our situation isn’t super easy (young kids, small house) but we’re a warm and loving family and have tried to be welcoming and supportive. I can’t shake the feeling, though, that she’s going to up and leave us, despite this being the job she signed up for. Has anyone been caught off guard by an au pair going into rematch for essentially just not being super psyched about being here?

[Anonymous]

Op here. I should mention that she keeps talking about au pairs she knows who rematches for trivial reasons such as not liking their rooms, etc, which is why I’m getting paranoid. The idea of being left without childcare and having to take time off from work to reorient another au pair is daunting. But I guess whatever happens, happens.

[Anonymous]

just be yourself and can't control other people's irrational behavior. just act rationally yourself.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

March 2017. My au pair was here 2 months. Thought everything was going well. No indication of an issue. Felt she was part of the family, etc.

I came home from a 2 week business trip overseas. The day I came home she said she wanted to rematch. Shocked me to the core.

[Anonymous]

But OP, it seems like you would not be caught off guard if this were to happen, as you seem to be picking up signals of the possibility. Perhaps you are asking whether you should be concerned?

Not being snarky here. And yes, I am sure there are host families who are caught off guard with the request for rematch. I have never rematched so far (knock on wood), but one AP floated it in her extension year, saying child didn't respect her authority. In her extension year with the same family, same situation, same child. Seemed like, in the end, she was trying to leverage something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But OP, it seems like you would not be caught off guard if this were to happen, as you seem to be picking up signals of the possibility. Perhaps you are asking whether you should be concerned?

Not being snarky here. And yes, I am sure there are host families who are caught off guard with the request for rematch. I have never rematched so far (knock on wood), but one AP floated it in her extension year, saying child didn't respect her authority. In her extension year with the same family, same situation, same child. Seemed like, in the end, she was trying to leverage something else.

OP here. Yeah, you’re right. I feel like I would never be completely caught off guard because I realize it’s a hard job and I’m paranoid. I guess a more appropriate question would be whether people have ended up in rematch over nothing in particular other than an au pair who just isn’t adjusting and having to work a full (8 hour) day with young kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But OP, it seems like you would not be caught off guard if this were to happen, as you seem to be picking up signals of the possibility. Perhaps you are asking whether you should be concerned?

Not being snarky here. And yes, I am sure there are host families who are caught off guard with the request for rematch. I have never rematched so far (knock on wood), but one AP floated it in her extension year, saying child didn't respect her authority. In her extension year with the same family, same situation, same child. Seemed like, in the end, she was trying to leverage something else.

OP here. Yeah, you’re right. I feel like I would never be completely caught off guard because I realize it’s a hard job and I’m paranoid. I guess a more appropriate question would be whether people have ended up in rematch over nothing in particular other than an au pair who just isn’t adjusting and having to work a full (8 hour) day with young kids?

OP again. Also wondering if your au pairs have asked for rematch without first airing their issues with you. Our au pair insists that everything is fine but just seems unhappy. Oh well. In need to let it go. Maybe we should preemptively rematch.

[Anonymous]

We have never had an AP leave, but we have had one whose behavior became so intolerable that we asked for a rematch. She would often make similar comments about how other APs rematch for silly reasons. I think she may be testing out your stance on rematch.

[Anonymous]

Over the years, if my APs spoke of the reasons behind their friend's rematches, it was because of their troubles with the HF regarding management of kids, program rules, or disconnection with HF. If my AP was fixated on the trivial reasons for an AP to initiate rematch, then I would ask her if she's considering the same while privately wondering if AP had the maturity or character to have a successful year. She's not doing anything constructive to address her unhappiness, and perhaps she believes a lovelier room or a Disney vacation will make her happier....or maybe she chose your family as a way to get herself to the USA, and was planning on upgrading to an easier, cushier HF. Talk with you LCC and explain what is going on
I think you know what is going to happen, and I would focus on whatever needs to be done to get through a rematch.

[Anonymous]

I would flat out ask her. "Hey AP, you seem pretty unhappy and talk about rematch a lot." And go from there. Explain that it's the last thing you want but also don't want to be surprised.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to her

Ask her if she's happy, if some things could be better, if you can help etc. Maybe she's bugged by something minor that you don't realize is bugging her and that could change her daily routine.

[Anonymous]

Our first year of hosting (in 2005 -- so a very long time ago, before the internet totally connected all APs and gave them a clear picture of AP life before they came), we hosted a 19 year old AP from Germany who came and was lovely. She loved our 3 and 1 year old and was very happy with our 10 hour days and full weekends off....until she met other 19 year old Germans and realized that most of them worked split shifts and occasional weekend hours, but none did what she did. She started to complain that it was all Brazilians who had her hours and she couldn't get together with her German friends. We mutually agreed to rematch after a couple of months, and then we hosted BRazilians for the next few years. Our Brazilians were very happy with their 45 hours spread over 4.5 days since it meant they had 2.5 days off each week, and their friends all did the same. It wasn't that anything was "wrong" with us or "wrong" with our 19 year old german -- she just found herself in an odd situation. We have often said that once our kids turned 4 and 6, she would have been a great AP for us. She was just the wrong AP at the time. This is very possible, and it might make sense to consider if your Ap is also similarly "mismatched" in her schedule compared to her friends.

[Anonymous]

except AP isn't complaining about her hours. She's noting that Aps rematch for not liking their rooms...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

March 2017. My au pair was here 2 months. Thought everything was going well. No indication of an issue. Felt she was part of the family, etc.

I came home from a 2 week business trip overseas. The day I came home she said she wanted to rematch. Shocked me to the core.

Was she uncomfortable being there with your husband? Did he expect her to do more work, which to longer hours, or something else that made her uncomfortable? That would be my concern!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

March 2017. My au pair was here 2 months. Thought everything was going well. No indication of an issue. Felt she was part of the family, etc.

I came home from a 2 week business trip overseas. The day I came home she said she wanted to rematch. Shocked me to the core.

Was she uncomfortable being there with your husband? Did he expect her to do more work, which to longer hours, or something else that made her uncomfortable? That would be my concern!

Single HM.
She worked 20-25 hrs as my kids were in school.
We treated her as part of the family, took her out for her birthday, etc.
No idea on what made her uncomfortable because my LCC at the time would not let me have an EXIT or MEDIATION meeting with her, because in her words "she's made up her mind so what's the point".

So...I was truly BLIND.