~ Am Feeling Very Sad/Disappointed/Disillusioned With Being A Nanny Today~

[Anonymous]

I am currently a full-time Nanny to two boys-
One 2.5, the other 5.
Have been with this family since oldest son’s birth.
(Five years)

The family has always been wonderful + fair, though the pay has been a little less than great.
But since the job was so great, I let it slide.
Anyway, the weather today was triple digits with a heat advisory.
I am not allowed to drive them anywhere and am expected to take the kids out for one daily outing per day.
There are a ton of hills in their neighborhood.
The two yr. old rides in a stroller while the five yr. old walks.

We usually walk to the park, library or Rec Ctr.
Today a fellow Nanny invited me + the kids over to her charge’s house for a play date.
Our charges are the same ages and are friends.

Well with the heat and getting all three of us ready to go, I realized when I arrived that I forgot to text MB to let her know.
About ten minutes after arriving, I sent her the text - letting her know where we were.
(My first and only time in five yrs. forgetting!)

When she came home from work, she lectured me.
That next time I need to text her and let her know which I agreed to do.
I apologized for forgetting this one time and promised it would not happen again.
She also told me from now on that I need to text her when I leave the house too.

She said that she didn’t know the family of the house that we went to the play date at.
She didn’t know if they had guns or registered sex offenders on the property either.
*Note:
A few years ago, I took the oldest to a play date at another Nanny friend’s charge’s home and had asked my MB prior.
She told me that as long as I would be there with the son, it was fine.

So that is why this situation caught me off guard today.
I feel that after FIVE yrs she should trust my judgment.
I feel like she doesn’t fully trust me.

I am very hurt about this all and am feeling very disillusioned overall about being a Nanny.

Nannies:
Do your bosses need to meet all the parents of the children you attend play dates with or do they leave it to you to decide if a family is okay?
Do they trust your judgment?

[Anonymous]

My past MB would set up play dates for my charge. I never liked to set them up because I was the only nanny—most of my charges friends moms were SAHM. I’m sorry that you feel like she doesn’t trust you. Maybe it has more to do with her not trusting other people. I would say try to understand her perspective and how her children went to basically a strangers home. If it does happen again, I suggest bringing it up with the mom.

[Anonymous]

I would be upset as well not being trusted after 5 years.

[Anonymous]

This is bizarre. I would feel very micro managed.
Find another job.

[Anonymous]

I would feel the same way, OP. My families have never met the parents of the children we have play dates with, and I have even offered to share their numbers in case they wanted to reach out to the parents, to make sure its okay-- they have met the kids before and my charges talk about their friends all the time, they're both 2 years old. However, I did share the address of the house were going to a while back, but they literally told me they trust me and I don't need to share where I am going because of it-- only when I use my car just because anything can happen on the road and I totally understand that.

Not to take up for MB but maybe she had a rough day (or going through something) and that's why she snapped. She could have easily said "its okay, may you please give me the heads up when you're going to someone's home?" One mom snapped on me once (I snapped back because she was totally in the wrong) because I didn't respond to a text she sent me -- AFTER HOURS (I was asleep). I later found out she was pregnant-- I posted about it a while back.

[Anonymous]

It is way past time for you to find a new job. Your MB is a jackass.

[Anonymous]

1. I refuse to text every time I leave the house and leave one destination for another. We're on the go constantly, we have a family google calendar that they can check to see where there kids are and when (I put in EVERYTHING!), and I would spend so much time texting, that it would simply be ridiculous.

2. After 6 months, I expect to have earned enough trust to not need to vet play dates. After 5 years? Wow...

3. Families will lie about whether there are guns and how they are stored. Families will lie about how medications are stored. They will lie about tons of other things (rules for pools/trampolines, rules for snacks/sweets). The only way to assure that a child is supervised is to have their nanny or parent there, and that works until kinder. After that, you just have to hope that they've listened, retained and understood their family's rules, that way they will be as safe as possible.

[Anonymous]

OP Here:

Thank you to each + every one of you who responded.
I feel really bad about this & am so glad there was not a snarky response in the bunch (thus far!)

I sent her an email yesterday explaining my feelings.
Thus far, zero response back.
I am assuming that she will be forwarding it to her husband first before replying back.

Will keep you posted.

Yes - to feel not trusted after FIVE years w/this family really hurt my feelings.
I am seriously considering quitting based on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here:

Thank you to each + every one of you who responded.
I feel really bad about this & am so glad there was not a snarky response in the bunch (thus far!)

I sent her an email yesterday explaining my feelings.
Thus far, zero response back.
I am assuming that she will be forwarding it to her husband first before replying back.

Will keep you posted.

Yes - to feel not trusted after FIVE years w/this family really hurt my feelings.
I am seriously considering quitting based on this.

Yes, keep us posted! I really hope she apologizes to you!!

[Anonymous]

She may have had a friend or family member in an uncomfortable/dangerous situation and that has her more cautious than normal. Is this out of the norm for your MB or does she always need to know where you are and when?

My MB likes to know what our general plans are because she wants to know what the kids are up to, but she trusts my discretion. We have yet to have playfates at anyone’s house bc the boys are still quite young, but I have discussed it with our friends and that is something I will bring up with her first. I can definitely see my MB being concerned about guns and if she had experience with a child molester (even through a friend of a friend) hat would be a concern as well. She actually doesn’t eat the boys riding behind a bike bc she once saw an accident. I think it’s silly but it’s easily manageable for me. Point being that seeing something happen to someone you know, it can cause concerns that seem unreasonable to others. Hopefully your MB will understand your feelings and be able to explain hers. If not, I may be looking for a new job if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may have had a friend or family member in an uncomfortable/dangerous situation and that has her more cautious than normal. Is this out of the norm for your MB or does she always need to know where you are and when?

My MB likes to know what our general plans are because she wants to know what the kids are up to, but she trusts my discretion. We have yet to have playfates at anyone’s house bc the boys are still quite young, but I have discussed it with our friends and that is something I will bring up with her first. I can definitely see my MB being concerned about guns and if she had experience with a child molester (even through a friend of a friend) hat would be a concern as well. She actually doesn’t eat the boys riding behind a bike bc she once saw an accident. I think it’s silly but it’s easily manageable for me. Point being that seeing something happen to someone you know, it can cause concerns that seem unreasonable to others. Hopefully your MB will understand your feelings and be able to explain hers. If not, I may be looking for a new job if I were you.

Op said she had arranged a play date before. Mom overreacted, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may have had a friend or family member in an uncomfortable/dangerous situation and that has her more cautious than normal. Is this out of the norm for your MB or does she always need to know where you are and when?

My MB likes to know what our general plans are because she wants to know what the kids are up to, but she trusts my discretion. We have yet to have playfates at anyone’s house bc the boys are still quite young, but I have discussed it with our friends and that is something I will bring up with her first. I can definitely see my MB being concerned about guns and if she had experience with a child molester (even through a friend of a friend) hat would be a concern as well. She actually doesn’t eat the boys riding behind a bike bc she once saw an accident. I think it’s silly but it’s easily manageable for me. Point being that seeing something happen to someone you know, it can cause concerns that seem unreasonable to others. Hopefully your MB will understand your feelings and be able to explain hers. If not, I may be looking for a new job if I were you.

Op said she had arranged a play date before. Mom overreacted, period.

I’m not saying that she didn’t, but nothing is black and white. Everyone would benefit, in all aspects of life, from taking a step back and making an attempt to see someone else’s point of view.

[Anonymous]

No, my employers never micro-manage me. I never have had to clear a play date with them. I am sorry, OP. Maybe she was just in a bad mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, my employers never micro-manage me. I never have had to clear a play date with them. I am sorry, OP. Maybe she was just in a bad mood.

Stop making excuses to justify her MB'S inexcusable behavior. She has been their nanny for five years and is still not trusted. She should have moved on so time ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, my employers never micro-manage me. I never have had to clear a play date with them. I am sorry, OP. Maybe she was just in a bad mood.

Stop making excuses to justify her MB'S inexcusable behavior. She has been their nanny for five years and is still not trusted. She should have moved on so time ago.

Wrong. Human Beings have bad days from time to time and lash out. This is called human nature. If you have never encountered this before, you must live in Avery limited bubble.

Nanny here and I give the rare periods of unreasonable behavior a pass. You would be happier if you did too, PP.