Babysitter's arrangement with other family

[Anonymous]

My daughter's sitter has a "main family" for whom she does drop-off and pick-up of their two kids every day to/from preschool & daycare, respectively. This sitter has been our primary back-up sitter - date nights and a fair amount of weekday coverage, albeit irregular - for the last 2.5 years since DD was an infant. Last summer, she watched DD pretty regularly (maybe twice a week for a couple months) and I asked her if she could watch DD this summer again. She told me yes, she's free outside of her DO/PU schedule, BUT that if either of the other family's kids gets sick, she needs to watch them and cancel on me.

Am I crazy to think 'hell no'? She's supposed to watch my kid, other kid gets sick, so she cancels on me on the morning of and that's somehow okay? And I would be really surprised if the other MB is paying her hourly for all the hours the sitter is on call in the event of illness; if she could afford this, the baby would be with the sitter, not in daycare. My guess is that other MB is either paying her a fixed sum (maybe $100?) to be on call for the 25 hours weekly between drop-off and pick-up.

I'm selfishly upset for myself because this means we've just lost our longest-standing caregiver, which sucks for DD. I admit that this is my primary concern, but I'm also upset for the sitter because I'm pretty sure she's leaving money on the table, both by probably not being compensated enough by this other MB and getting fewer other jobs because no one wants a sitter who will cancel at the last minute for of all things another family. At the same time, I've heard her say on multiple occasions how she really needs to make more money.

[Anonymous]

Yes u don’t get to dictate what another adult does or is willing to accept. If it doesn’t work for you, look for someone else. Frankly, it sounds like she’s double dipping (not acceptable, imo) or she knows she’s not paid to be on call, but will lose the more lucrative job if she isn’t (not a fair employer practice, again imo).

[Anonymous]

I think anyone with a strong bench of occasional families she sits for who is happy with a DO/PU job that also is an "on call" job ... doesn't really want a regular gig. She'd have found one years ago if she did.

This DO/PU job pays her enough to take as much or as little occasional sitting as she wants, I presume, and she's not willing to dump it for 2x/wk of sitting for two months.

To be fair, you aren't offering her a job that justifies pissing off the family that pays her every day all year. It sounds like you'll use her "regularly," but not guarantee anything? You also have no idea what this other family is paying her. It may be more than you think.

[Anonymous]

Wait so I’m confused, you think that she’s getting paid to be on call between drop off/pick ups? And I do agree that it leaves you hanging if she cancels on you to go baby sit for the other family. Seems like they’re her priority. I would say find a new sitter or have a ton of back up sitters to be able to cover her when/if she cancels.

[Anonymous]

She Laid it all out beforehand so take it or leave it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes u don’t get to dictate what another adult does or is willing to accept. If it doesn’t work for you, look for someone else. Frankly, it sounds like she’s double dipping (not acceptable, imo) or she knows she’s not paid to be on call, but will lose the more lucrative job if she isn’t (not a fair employer practice, again imo).

This is OP. I'm pretty sure it's the former, i.e., double dipping. I totally agree with your first statement. Sitter is an adult and can do what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think anyone with a strong bench of occasional families she sits for who is happy with a DO/PU job that also is an "on call" job ... doesn't really want a regular gig. She'd have found one years ago if she did.

This DO/PU job pays her enough to take as much or as little occasional sitting as she wants, I presume, and she's not willing to dump it for 2x/wk of sitting for two months.

To be fair, you aren't offering her a job that justifies pissing off the family that pays her every day all year. It sounds like you'll use her "regularly," but not guarantee anything? You also have no idea what this other family is paying her. It may be more than you think.

I think she would be happy with a regular gig that gives her more hours than the other family does, which is only five hours/day, split up between morning and afternoon. But probably not full-time and it's hard finding that middle ground.

The job I was offering to her was actually 20 hours weekly and because she is our longest-standing sitter, I was willing to squeeze our schedule within her DO/PU schedule, which I wouldn't do for anyone else. That's $1700 ($17/hr * 20 hrs * 5 weeks) for the five weeks she is able to work, guaranteed pay during those weeks. While I agree that the stability of the other family's income is very attractive to her, I also think it's crazy for her to essentially turn down a job in the off-chance one of the kids might get sick over the summer months.

I have some sense of how much she gets paid because the other mom told me when she acted as the sitter's reference. $20/hr for two kids. But I don't know how much extra she is paying to have the sitter on call. As I said, it can't be that much because then that means the mom could afford a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait so I’m confused, you think that she’s getting paid to be on call between drop off/pick ups? And I do agree that it leaves you hanging if she cancels on you to go baby sit for the other family. Seems like they’re her priority. I would say find a new sitter or have a ton of back up sitters to be able to cover her when/if she cancels.

OP again. Yes, that's what I'm saying, she must be getting paid something to be on-call during those late morning/early afternoon hours.

[Anonymous]

This is OP again. I agree with everyone that I need to find a new sitter because no way am I paying for someone who has told me she might have to cancel at the last minute when there are other sitters who don't have this issue. I guess I am venting more than anything else and wanted to see if anyone might have a perspective that I hadn't thought about before.

[Anonymous]

The perspective is stated above. She has a regular paid job with this other family and part of that is being on call. She can’t give that up for an annual salary of $1700, obviously. But if you really like this sitter, or your daughter does, and you trust her, then maybe you have a backup plan on the off chance hat she needs to cancel. You may hire someone who turns out to be unreliable or untrustworthy, who knows.

[Anonymous]

You want a unicorn, OP. A sitter who is available for a short-term, temp job, and all the time for occasional sitting. I'm not sure why you're surprised this doesn't exist! She makes $400-$500/wk, 52 weeks a year from this other family. $1700 is bubkes in exchange for someone who takes jobs from other people all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want a unicorn, OP. A sitter who is available for a short-term, temp job, and all the time for occasional sitting. I'm not sure why you're surprised this doesn't exist! She makes $400-$500/wk, 52 weeks a year from this other family. $1700 is bubkes in exchange for someone who takes jobs from other people all the time.

I mean that your $1700 "outside" job isn't her only additional income. She's an in-demand sitter.

[Anonymous]

With all due respect OP, you are kind of overstepping your boundaries here.
Re: Her pay from the other family, etc.

You really shouldn’t even be thinking or caring about that part of her life.
It is only her business.
Not yours.

I personally think she was being upfront + honest with you and if you are upset, there is really no excuse for it.

Your best bet is to gather a network of occasional sitters that you can contact should the need arise.

[Anonymous]

I am in a somewhat similar situation. I have a main family I watch all year long and then I do a share with two additional families 1/wk. my main nf knows about it and doesn’t care. Occasionally family b or c will ask for hours outside of the weekly arrangement. They do this with the understanding that my main family is the priority- if main charges are sick, snow day, off school, they are the ones I go with because they provide a stable income. My main nf has right of first refusal just like I have right of first refusal with gigs with them. The other two families don’t need me throughout the whole year or even the same number of hours per week. If I am unavailable, family C will call other sitters. For example, the share is from 9-1 on Thursdays. I stay until 3:30 for family C. If family C has an afternoon game/event another sitter comes to relieve me. Family C asks for extra hours (outside of Thursdays) maybe one or twice a week. About 50% of the time, I have to say no. They are free to go with another sitter for any and all hours. I’m sure it is a bit of a pain for them, but they knows about my main job when recruiting me and just generally that is the nature of extremely sporadic childcare needs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a somewhat similar situation. I have a main family I watch all year long and then I do a share with two additional families 1/wk. my main nf knows about it and doesn’t care. Occasionally family b or c will ask for hours outside of the weekly arrangement. They do this with the understanding that my main family is the priority- if main charges are sick, snow day, off school, they are the ones I go with because they provide a stable income. My main nf has right of first refusal just like I have right of first refusal with gigs with them. The other two families don’t need me throughout the whole year or even the same number of hours per week. If I am unavailable, family C will call other sitters. For example, the share is from 9-1 on Thursdays. I stay until 3:30 for family C. If family C has an afternoon game/event another sitter comes to relieve me. Family C asks for extra hours (outside of Thursdays) maybe one or twice a week. About 50% of the time, I have to say no. They are free to go with another sitter for any and all hours. I’m sure it is a bit of a pain for them, but they knows about my main job when recruiting me and just generally that is the nature of extremely sporadic childcare needs

Our nanny is the same. She's been with us for over four years and while she has sometimes taken jobs when our kids are in school, she always makes it clear to the other families that if our kids are sick or there's a snow day or something comes up, she will need to be there for us. We pay her for this privilege, but not her normal hourly rate for all of those hours. It doesn't bother me if she can make some extra money on the side as long as I never have to find back-up care. The other families seem fine with it as well. You don't, OP, which is totally fine (honestly, I wouldn't want to be one of the other families either), but just like my nanny isn't willing to risk her job with us, it sounds like yours isn't either, and that's ok. Frustrating for you, yes, but this is very common.