New AP never leaves the house...

[Anonymous]

Our AP started two months ago, tough weather wise and she hasn’t figured out her US DL yet, but she virtually never leaves our house.
On her days off she stays in her room all day. She has met several other APs but she told us she’s shy and prefers not to socialize too much.

I work from home so having her here all day every day is making me nuts.
Is there anything we can say to her to encourage her to get out more?
I know a group of APs meets up each day at a local coffee shop or library, I’ve offered to take her but she doesn’t seem to want to go.

She’s always complaining that she’s cold and leaves the heat on in her room 24x7.

Anything we can do, will it get better when the weather is warmer?

[Anonymous]

How about getting her two tickets to something that interests her (event/museum) so that she can invite someone to go with her? Maybe, you could also reach out to your LCC and see if she can put her in touch with someone more outgoing who has similar interests. Also, any way you can help her figure out her DL? Depending on where you live, not having a DL may make going out a huge hassle.

[Anonymous]

A few things:
-Is there a reason she doesn't have her driver's license? Can you expedite that, either by having her practice with an international license, or hire an instructor?
-Call your LCC-- have her ask nearby APs to reach out to invite yours out.
-Are their nearby errands she can run for the kids? Pick up books at the library? Pick up milk? Hairbands from CVS? Anything to get her out and exploring your neighborhood where she might run into other people?
-Are you willing to throw money at this? Tell her you'll pay for her coffee if she meets the other APs? Give her a gym membership? Movie tickets for two so she can bring a friend somewhere?
You can't "make" her more social if she's not. If she's otherwise doing a good job you may have to suck it up. Or you say it's a personality conflict and rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about getting her two tickets to something that interests her (event/museum) so that she can invite someone to go with her? Maybe, you could also reach out to your LCC and see if she can put her in touch with someone more outgoing who has similar interests. Also, any way you can help her figure out her DL? Depending on where you live, not having a DL may make going out a huge hassle.

Thank you, I haven't reached out to the LCC yet.

We live in a suburb and we've had a lot of snow for the last few weeks, even in nice weather it's a 20 minute walk to town.
We have family memberships to all the local places that she's free to use, with guests.
Her English isn't great so I'm not sure that she understands me when I suggest this stuff.

She has an intl. DL but couldn't get a NY one yet because her name isn't the same on the different ID she brought with her, so she has to get a new bank card.

I would say in general that she's not proactive and seems happy to be in her room all day, she seems to talk on the phone a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few things:
-Is there a reason she doesn't have her driver's license? Can you expedite that, either by having her practice with an international license, or hire an instructor?
-Call your LCC-- have her ask nearby APs to reach out to invite yours out.
-Are their nearby errands she can run for the kids? Pick up books at the library? Pick up milk? Hairbands from CVS? Anything to get her out and exploring your neighborhood where she might run into other people?
-Are you willing to throw money at this? Tell her you'll pay for her coffee if she meets the other APs? Give her a gym membership? Movie tickets for two so she can bring a friend somewhere?
You can't "make" her more social if she's not. If she's otherwise doing a good job you may have to suck it up. Or you say it's a personality conflict and rematch.

Thanks so much

- she is practicing but we've had a lot of snow.
- I don't want to call the LCC yet, AP does go to monthly meetings.
- she has no interest, even if we're going to the store or mall we'll invite her and she prefers to stay home, she's not curious or interested in what we're doing
- yes we have family memberships to local activities, the Y etc that we included her on already, she doesn't go

I would say that maybe the biggest challenge is that her English is not that good, so she doesn't talk a lot. When we talk to her I'm not sure that she understands us a lot of the time, she nods and smiles but then doesn't do what we've suggested.
She's taking English classes two mornings a week.

[Anonymous]

Why did you match with her?

[Anonymous]

You need to call the LCC - that's what they're there for. Not to get her in "trouble", but so you can ask for advice and get assistance. Better giving it a shot now than in another month or two when you're going crazy and just want to go straight to rematch.

[Anonymous]

Also, I found that texting is a good way to communicate when au pairs' English is weak. Our current au pair's English was non-existent when she showed up, so I just had a link to google translate saved on my phone. I would type in what I wanted to say and then show her - she would do the same.

[Anonymous]

Make her take the kids somewhere every day. Park, the gym, coffee shop for a treat ....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you match with her?

She's our first AP, we wanted someone from Europe, she's educated and intelligent, from a good family...she's also kind of lazy and entitled, which we didn't pick up on through the interview process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make her take the kids somewhere every day. Park, the gym, coffee shop for a treat ....

She can't drive..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, I found that texting is a good way to communicate when au pairs' English is weak. Our current au pair's English was non-existent when she showed up, so I just had a link to google translate saved on my phone. I would type in what I wanted to say and then show her - she would do the same.

Yes we've been doing this, to be honest I feel a bit duped, I had been emailing with her and her English was much better, now she's here and can't keep a conversation going.

[Anonymous]

It also sounds like she may be going through culture shock and is retreating to her bedroom so she can talk with her family and friends from home. Def get your LCC involved asap. That's your LCC"s job and she would want to know sooner rather than later

[Anonymous]

Aside from the meetings, is she going to cluster events? I am outside of NJ, and our cluster goes to shows, sporting event, volunteer activities. I think these are more important than the meetings.

Yes, talk to LCC. She can get an experienced and outgoing AP to come pick her up.

If you are in a suburb, the inability to drive a is big issue! So, she doesn't need to drive your kids? That really needs to get figured out ASAP. How is she supposed to leave the house if she can't drive and you live in a suburb?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It also sounds like she may be going through culture shock and is retreating to her bedroom so she can talk with her family and friends from home. Def get your LCC involved asap. That's your LCC"s job and she would want to know sooner rather than later

Thanks so much for this advice. Our family is also going through a bit of a shock because it's been such a change to have someone we don't know in our home!
Any idea how long it might take her to improve her English? She's smart, and she's trying, but I think that's a big part of the challenge.

She can't drive, but then she also can't really communicate with my kids who are 8 and 10. My daughter likes to hang with her a bit but then gets frustrated because they don't understand each other.