In a nanny share, how important is it...

[Anonymous]

We're getting started in a nanny share, but as a nanny share newbie I'm wondering if I could get some advice from both BTDT nannies and families on the following things:

1.) How important is it to have both families with the EXACT same hours?
2.) How important is it to have kids with similar ages in a share (i.e. how close in age is ideal?)?
3.) How important is an experienced nanny vs. a 'new' nanny when it comes to a share structure? Is it easier or more difficult than a one family structure? What should we look for in a nanny?
4.) How important is it to get along with the other family and have similar ideologies? Or does it matter less because you don't interact as much as you do with the nanny?

Additionally, does anyone have any "I wish I would have known this" advice as we're gearing up to get started? I want this to be successful so I want to troubleshoot from those who have way more experience than I do!

TIA!

[Anonymous]

1.) How important is it to have both families with the EXACT same hours?
The core hours should be the same. In some cases a family may need more overtime than the other family, and that needs to be a discussion with the other family, the nanny, and fully documented in the contract so expectations are clear for everyone.

2.) How important is it to have kids with similar ages in a share (i.e. how close in age is ideal?)?
It's easier to get kids on the same schedule when they are the same age. Infants nap more than older babies, and the difference increases as the children age. It might be challenging to have kids that are more than a few months apart if the baby needs to nap but the older kid wants to go to the park or their parents want them to go to an enrichment class, etc. That being said, it could probably be handled if both families and nanny are aware and OK. But it could lead to resentments among families if one family feels one child's needs are getting prioritized over the other child's.


3.) How important is an experienced nanny vs. a 'new' nanny when it comes to a share structure? Is it easier or more difficult than a one family structure? What should we look for in a nanny?
I'm not sure. Our nanny had worked in a share before, so that was nice. I think communication - between families and nanny's might overcome experience deficits. Personally I preferred an experienced nanny because I knew they would understand what the workload was before they committed to care for 2 kids at once.

4.) How important is it to get along with the other family and have similar ideologies? Or does it matter less because you don't interact as much as you do with the nanny?

Uh, pretty important! You needn't be identical, but if you dislike the other family, working together might be challenging. A lot depends on how rigid either family is in their beliefs. Is your family vegetarian? No problem. Does your family want to prohibit the other kid from bringing chicken for lunch? That could be a problem. Is one family into guns and the other is not? Huge problem. I personally believe that values matter, and I would want someone whose values aligned with my own core values of treating others with respect and dignity (which to me means paying a living wage, legally, taxes, providing health care coverage, etc.). If my share partner didn't have the same feelings, it probably wouldn't work out because we wouldn't be able to agree on basics like payment, benefits, etc. I also don't want to work with another family that's going to treat the nanny poorly either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're getting started in a nanny share, but as a nanny share newbie I'm wondering if I could get some advice from both BTDT nannies and families on the following things:

1.) How important is it to have both families with the EXACT same hours?
Not that important, but the families are jointly responsible for OT by law (she gets OT for anything over 40 hours, even if, say, both families only schedule 35 hours each, but the different schedules means she works 50 hours). You will find nannies who prefer some OT because it really boosts their earnings. This gets a little complicated in terms of the 2-kid/1-kid rate, so you'll have to do your thinking and research.
2.) How important is it to have kids with similar ages in a share (i.e. how close in age is ideal?)?
Once you're at one nap or no nap (so 2ish and up), not as important as with infants. They can't go anywhere ever if they can't be on the same schedule. I think it's more fun when they're close in age, though.
3.) How important is an experienced nanny vs. a 'new' nanny when it comes to a share structure? Is it easier or more difficult than a one family structure? What should we look for in a nanny?
An experienced nanny comes with references. That's the important part for me. If you have time to do training, though, you can find a gem who has little experience, save some money to start with, and train her.
4.) How important is it to get along with the other family and have similar ideologies? Or does it matter less because you don't interact as much as you do with the nanny?
This is the most important. As your kids get older, differences in expectations and parenting styles cause a lot of shares to break up. Imagine that you're a "nap in your own bed" and "only eat at specific times" parent, and the other is a "nap on the go" and "snacks whenever" parent. Pretty quickly you're going to get frustrated that your kid wants to snack all day, and the other parent will get frustrated that they're stuck in the house for hours in the afternoon.

Additionally, does anyone have any "I wish I would have known this" advice as we're gearing up to get started? I want this to be successful so I want to troubleshoot from those who have way more experience than I do!

TIA!

[Anonymous]

1. I think it’s important (for both families to need the same hours/time) and easier, for both the families and nanny. It also can cause conflict in the children’s schedule/ daily plans, when they’re not on the same schedule, which, can occur when families don’t need the same hours.

If you don’t need the same # of hours, you’ll need to have this all figured out. For example, let’s say family #1 needs 9.5 hours and family #2 needs 10.5. What if family #1 is hosting, does nanny stay at that home until you pick up or does she need to take the “late child” home?

2. I think it’s good to have the children the same age or close. Don’t you want your child to have someone to grow up with- if you are looking for a long term share? However, if there’s a 1-2 year age difference, it’s okay, just make sure your nanny is capable of creating activities for both ages, simultaneously.

3. I think as long as the person has experience working with children and multiple children, that’s all that matters. You definitely want to make sure that he/she has experience with the age group. I’ve been a nanny for going on 2 years but I’ve been working in daycare for 10. I’m in a share now and they’re expecting baby #2 so I’ll have 3 which I’m excited about!

4. You should at least like the other family. If not, it will cause tension and who would want to work in that type of environment?! Just make sure you all are on the same page.

Be sure to talk to the families and get to know them! Their personalities, likes and dislikes, parenting styles etc. Things to think about: I would say a sick policy for the children (would you be okay if the other child was vomiting due to a stomach bug or had the flu and was around your child?). Also, inclement weather policy. You may be able swing your nanny coming in late but the other family cannot so you all need to figure that out.

[Anonymous]

In our experience with two kids/two shares:

1) Not at all--we never had the same hours. All hours should be laid out in the contract and consistent, though.

2) We preferred this (and had it both times) but know people who like different ages too. I think naps and activities are easier with same-age shares.

3) Experienced nanny is important, but not necessarily experienced with a share (though it definitely helps). I would not start a brand-new nanny with a share, because it is harder than working for one family.

4) This is probably the most important thing--you need to be generally aligned on values and big parenting choices. The shares that we know that have imploded have always been due to family mismatch, not due to issues with the caregiver. If two families are very different in philosophies about raising children, it can also put the nanny in a tough spot. You don't need to be close friends with the other family (and in fact it might be easier if you're not!) but you are joint employers and should have a solid relationship with them.

HTH!