nanny share not working out

[Anonymous]

We've been in a nanny share for 10 months. Generally speaking, the other family is nice enough, but we have been having increasingly more issues come up as of late. These are mostly related to parenting philosophies that don't align that have become more apparent and more of an issue the longer we've been in the share. Their parenting choices have indirectly been impacting our daughter with regards to the other girl's lack of any sort of schedule as well as some behavior struggles.

Given that there's no easy fix for our philosophy differences, we're considering ending the share at the one year mark in May. However, we love our nanny (the other family feels the same way) and would like to keep her on our own. Technically, I was the one who found her ad and the share is in our house, but both families interviewed her and started with her at the same time. What's the best way to approach the situation? I was planning on seeing whether she'd be open to this and just going from there. This may all be a moot point if she doesn't want to leave the other family or can't due to financial reasons. If that's the case, we would just try and suck things up longer because we don't want to lose her. If she is open to it, however, I realize that puts the other family in a bad spot without a share and a nanny so I fully expect some angry or upset reactions on their end, but I don't see how else this can be done.

Is there a better way to do this?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP--we have friends who've been in your shoes, and it's tough. And you're right that there's really no good remedy for dramatically different parenting styles.

Talk to the other family first--don't try to talk to your nanny on your own. It puts her in a terrible position--she has allegiances to both families (and for all you know, may prefer the other family as an employer!) I would just be candid with the other family that you think isn't working out because you don't click well. They likely sense the same thing. Then talk about potential paths forward before calling a meeting with all of you present. Remember that you're joint employers of the nanny, so you need to figure it out together. Since you already host, the other family may be okay with you keeping the nanny, but you won't know until you talk about it.

I would also be aware that regardless of which family the nanny stays with, she is likely to want to continue a share to maintain steady income. If you want to keep her on your own, I'd expect to pay the share rate until you find a new family to share with. Make sure you can take on that cost if you anticipate it could be a while before you find a new family (or until you're done needing a nanny, if you don't plan to look for a new family).

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I actually would talk to the nanny first and see where she feels most comfortable. Then go from there. I doubt the other family will remain friends with you regardless.

[eekins]

That is a difficult situation! Sorry you're having to deal with that! I would think having an open conversation and giving everyone ample time to find new arrangements is the best way forward. If you find yourselves looking for another family for the nanny share and are in North Arlington please let me know. I return to work later this month and my son will be about 4 months old, and I value schedules.

[Anonymous]

Are you offering to pay the total share amount? Because no nanny is working for half the share price! You get a huge discount in a share and going from two kids to one doesn't mean you get to continue paying $10/hr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you offering to pay the total share amount? Because no nanny is working for half the share price! You get a huge discount in a share and going from two kids to one doesn't mean you get to continue paying $10/hr.

OP here. Yes, of course I would never expect to continue paying our current rate, nor would I ask for it. We unfortunately can't cover her entire current nanny share salary alone (hence why I'm not sure she'll go for this), but we could offer her her one-child rate, which she had quoted for me when we first interviewed her. It's slightly less than her share rate but definitely not "half the share price." On the flip side, we'd be able to throw in some extra vacation as our schedules are more flexible than the other family's schedule allowed us to be. I know it doesn't entirely make up for the loss in wages, but I'm hoping it'd at least offset some of it.

[Anonymous]

First tell the parents first what do you want. Then ask nanny if she would like to stay with you.

[Anonymous]

As joint employers, you need to talk with the other parents first. You owe them transparency in the situation. Come to a mutual agreement on how to approach it with the nanny and go from there.

As a parent in a nanny share, nothing is worse then finding out the nanny and other family are making decisions without it you. It makes you look like the one that's not willing to cooperate.