VENT: former NF never says "thank you"

[Anonymous]

I love a former charge dearly so I do what I do for her. However, my stunningly unappreciative former employers are still as rude as they were when I worked for them. Never a heartfelt thank you; rarely an inclusion; never a sincere generous gesture toward me.

Former MB asked if I would like to spend Monday with my beloved former charge since she didn't have school and she and Her husband has some things they needed to get done. Like anytime I spend with this child, it will be free (I spend six or so hours with her every week and never asked for nor expected pay) After I agreed, the former MB said, "Make sure she brushes her teeth and let us know when you are going to bring her back so I can plan dinner." No thank you. This sort of thing is simply who she and her husband are. Ungrateful and rude. And always were this way.

Yes, I know - I am an idiot, a doormat, and a fool - but I love their child. She was my first full time charge and I have been with her since birth. I would do anything for this child so I just have to put her parents out of my head. Just a vent here.

[Anonymous]

Your former charge is very blessed to have you in her life. Hopefully by your modeling generosity, the child will be better than her parents.

I am sorry, OP, some people are just self-centered oafs.

[Anonymous]

This is a life lesson in general OP. Do good to for goodness sake not to get a thank you. You love the child you care for and would do anything for that child. That's really all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a life lesson in general OP. Do good to for goodness sake not to get a thank you. You love the child you care for and would do anything for that child. That's really all that matters.

This is great advice. You do what you do for the love of a child. Focus only on that. Let the rest fall away.

[Anonymous]

Teach the girl to say thank you, and to notice when people say thank you to her. Kids are honest - she'll call her parents out on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love a former charge dearly so I do what I do for her. However, my stunningly unappreciative former employers are still as rude as they were when I worked for them. Never a heartfelt thank you; rarely an inclusion; never a sincere generous gesture toward me.

Former MB asked if I would like to spend Monday with my beloved former charge since she didn't have school and she and Her husband has some things they needed to get done. Like anytime I spend with this child, it will be free (I spend six or so hours with her every week and never asked for nor expected pay) After I agreed, the former MB said, "Make sure she brushes her teeth and let us know when you are going to bring her back so I can plan dinner." No thank you. This sort of thing is simply who she and her husband are. Ungrateful and rude. And always were this way.

Yes, I know - I am an idiot, a doormat, and a fool - but I love their child. She was my first full time charge and I have been with her since birth. I would do anything for this child so I just have to put her parents out of my head. Just a vent here.

Sounds like free babysitting to me, if you are visiting when they need you to do other things. 6 hours a week sounds like a lot. I hope this will evolve as the child gets older and you can maintain the relationship without providing free child care. Did they at least remember you with some sort of Christmas gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love a former charge dearly so I do what I do for her. However, my stunningly unappreciative former employers are still as rude as they were when I worked for them. Never a heartfelt thank you; rarely an inclusion; never a sincere generous gesture toward me.

Former MB asked if I would like to spend Monday with my beloved former charge since she didn't have school and she and Her husband has some things they needed to get done. Like anytime I spend with this child, it will be free (I spend six or so hours with her every week and never asked for nor expected pay) After I agreed, the former MB said, "Make sure she brushes her teeth and let us know when you are going to bring her back so I can plan dinner." No thank you. This sort of thing is simply who she and her husband are. Ungrateful and rude. And always were this way.

Yes, I know - I am an idiot, a doormat, and a fool - but I love their child. She was my first full time charge and I have been with her since birth. I would do anything for this child so I just have to put her parents out of my head. Just a vent here.

Sounds like free babysitting to me, if you are visiting when they need you to do other things. 6 hours a week sounds like a lot. I hope this will evolve as the child gets older and you can maintain the relationship without providing free child care. Did they at least remember you with some sort of Christmas gift?

OP here. Yes, a small gift - about one/tenth the value of what I purchased for their child and, again, no thank you even written on the gift tag.

However, the posters above have been 100% correct. This is a lesson I have to learn and never expect a "thank you". I do love this child and am happy to still have her in my life. That is enough.

Happy New Year - and thank you, All!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s dumb to offer your services for free, especially on a regular basis for an extended period of time. You’re allowing yourself to be a doormat (as much as I hate that term).

[Anonymous]

no. if they are leaving and you are not free to go as you please you are working. especially if they are giving you duties, telling you when to be there, etc.
you are going to become resentful if this continues. i would tell them "you know how much i love visiting and continuing to be a part of x's life. however, if you want me to babysit my rate is $_/hour. i wish i could afford to offer my services for free, but this is my livelihood."
a visit does not include working. although you enjoy the time, six hours a week is too much and sends the wrong message.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't want to charge for "babysitting". This was my decision from the very beginning. I am fine with doing it for free. I just wanted a heartfelt thank you.

And now I am over even wanting just a thank you. I see my former change because I want to see her. I do what I do for her - not her parents. And as a PP wrote, it is a life lesson.

I am fine now - thanks everyone. We can close this thread.

[Anonymous]

It's creepy that you don't charge for babysitting. It's not your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's creepy that you don't charge for babysitting. It's not your kid.

Whatever.

You use "creepy" in every post you write. It is really boring, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's creepy that you don't charge for babysitting. It's not your kid.

Naw... OP is a family friend at this point. I think it's generous and loving. Nannies are always saying how much they love their charges - OP is proving it.

[Anonymous]

But she doesn't sound like a friend. Friends say thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But she doesn't sound like a friend. Friends say thank you.

I don't doubt for a second that the rude MB is exactly the same with everyone. Those kinds of people always are. I had the same kind of MB years ago - never said thank you, never appreciative and if she said anything it was a criticism. She had very few friends and never kept any friend for long. She was passed over three times in four years for promotions that she wanted - one time being passed over by someone she trained. Her "team" at work never stayed with her for more than the required year. She met her husband on an internet dating site and I have no clue what questions they asked on that dating site but she found someone exactly like herself! Both just uncaring and cold people.