MBs, do you regret firing nanny or did you find someone better?

[Anonymous]

I made a post about 4 pages back about potentially firing my nanny for spending most of her time on her phone and not engaging with my daughter (we have nanny cams, which she knows about). I took your advice and spoke to her, and things were better for about two weeks. But now she's spending 90% of her time out of the house, going on 2 hour walks or 2 hour trips to the library, even though it's cold outside. I think she's probably still on her phone, but just avoiding the cameras.

I was wondering if MBs who fired their nannies felt like they made the right decision in retrospect? I'm worried that I will fire her and then find out that I can't get anyone better, that all nannies have these issues with phone usage and avoiding cameras. Were you relieved after you fired your nanny, and were you able to find someone better? Or did you fire her only to hire someone else who had different issues that were just as bad? Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and I know a lot of other good nannies. None of us are on the phone or avoid the cameras in the house.

We are all also mature women with years of teaching and nannying experience and are not inexpensive. My rate is between $25 and $30 an hour as are all my nanny-friends. Pay serious wages and find someone much better.

[Anonymous]

OP here... I am paying a wage in line with the wages that you mentioned (detailed more in my original post: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/339923.page). I think my nanny is just a bit burnt out from nannying for many years, has young kids of her own who take a lot of her energy, and thinks my job should be easy but I'm making it difficult by asking her to talk to the baby. Any tips for finding a better nanny next time around? Do trial periods help, or are there other ways to screen? I used an agency and called references the first time around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here... I am paying a wage in line with the wages that you mentioned (detailed more in my original post: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/339923.page). I think my nanny is just a bit burnt out from nannying for many years, has young kids of her own who take a lot of her energy, and thinks my job should be easy but I'm making it difficult by asking her to talk to the baby. Any tips for finding a better nanny next time around? Do trial periods help, or are there other ways to screen? I used an agency and called references the first time around.

I found our brilliant nanny by going through profiles on care.com. I also placed an ad that specified I wanted a college graduate with teaching experience. You get more serious applicants that way. I found a great second place nanny from my ad - I just liked the first nanny more. Our nanny is older and the phone thing is generally not an issue with older nannies. If her phone is out, she is taking pictures of my daughter or texting me. Virtual strangers have stopped and told me what an amazing an devoted nanny she is when she is in classes with DD or in the park.

Get a new nanny, OP. One who believes in narration and engagement.

[Anonymous]

People say that nannies use their phones all the time . I find it to be the opposite. As a nanny I'm scared to even touch my phone because everyone is so sensitive to it. I hardly ever see anyone using their phone when out with children.

[Anonymous]

Simple advice here:

Hire a more mature Nanny if you want a Nanny whose Smartphone is not her fifth limb.

It really does make a H-U-G-E difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple advice here:

Hire a more mature Nanny if you want a Nanny whose Smartphone is not her fifth limb.

It really does make a H-U-G-E difference.

+1

[Anonymous]

Start looking and interviewing other nannies, OP. From what you describe, I am sure you can find someone better.

I agree with limiting your search to college graduates and older nannies.

[Anonymous]

Get a new nanny. It's never worth it to tough it out with someone who is neglecting your child.

[Anonymous]

I leave the house 70-90% of the time not because of the cameras but because MB is a miscromanager and like you watches the cameras and then criticises my day. I started leaving for most of the day 5 years ago. Still with the family. Sometimes during naps I hide in the bathroom because even if I'm done my chores and have nothing to do, I don't need to get emails from MB (like you) micromanaging my day. I am an excellent nanny and not on my phone when the kids are awake. I just don't feel like being monitored and asked dumb quaestions like "why did you use do X this way instead of X?" because MB is sitting around watching cameras all day. Now we leave andhave play dates and I feel like I can breathe. Only home for meals and naps.

[Anonymous]

A relationship with a nanny is primarily about trust. Whether she deserves it (she actually is leaving the house just to use her phone) or you simply believe she is doing something wrong, you no longer trust her. You will never trust her - even if she agrees to wear a body can to prove what she is doing. (Not suggesting that as an option). So, in that regard you will be happier with a new nanny who you trust and she will be happier with an employer who trusts her

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally know how you feel on multiple levels. I hired a nanny who was always on the phone her first couple days on the job. After I spoke with her about it, she got better and I stopped checking the nest cam, but later on, I could tell that she was still on her phone a lot. A nanny who is new to a family and already ignoring her charge & surfing her phone constantly WILL. NOT. CHANGE. You just have to accept this as a truth and fire her.

I had regrets after letting go of our first nanny, but that's because she was actually GOOD and I had to let her go because she had physical issues interfering with her job. Your nanny is not good and you will not regret firing her. You can find someone better. There are a lot of nannies who do not engage their charge, but there are plenty others who do. Do not assume because a caregiver is a college grad or older that they will not be on their phone a lot. I live in an apartment building with a playroom and I see some nannies there constantly on the phone and barely engaging their charges. It shocks me because the residents all know each other and the nannies don't try to hide what they're doing, but my guess is it's because they think it's okay. These nannies are both young and older (40s & 50s), college grads, too. Our caregiver is relatively young (30) and hardly on her phone. She's a former preschool teacher, though, so she knows how to be unplugged. I think a lot of these career nannies who are constantly staring at their phone have never been in a job where it was frowned upon.

[Anonymous]

I partially agree with the poster above. Find a nanny who knows how to be unplugged - a former teacher or former daycare worker. A college grad is great but the young ones are addicted to their phones. Our nanny is older, a former preschool teacher and has an advanced degree in Liberal Arts. (DD at 2 requests Bach or Elmo on Alexia and knows what a Pegasus is...). She is never on her phone. Hire American, older and a former teacher. Make your requirements clear in your ad. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I did not regret firing our first nanny. We were in a share, and she just could not handle 2 children. I didn't realize how much it was stressing me out until she was gone, and then I felt enormous relief.

While the new nanny is not perfect, I had (and still have) a gut feeling that she's a good fit.

Don't settle if you're not happy OP. There are a lot of quality nannies out there.

[Anonymous]

I fired my last nanny. My new nanny is 1000% better, but I have her part time so it was hard to find people willing to interview. I have no regrets even though she is $3 an hour more.