How to detach from needy ex-nanny
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Anonymous
| We had a nanny for about 7 years. She started as my oldest boys night nanny basically right after birh. She’s helped me raise my 3 kiddos and I appreciate it but she hasn’t been employed by us in 6 months and I still hear from her 2-3 times a week. We moved about six months ago and we had to let her go. We have her 3 months severance pay and she fairly quickly found another position she seems to enjoy. Yet she still texts me several times a week and asks how the kids are doing. She’s driven up 3 times to visit my children, which I’m grateful for but I find her inability to let go off and concerning. I truly believe to an extent she thinks they’re her child. She has two adult children and I know she wanted a third but had to have a hysterectomy due to cancer and couldn’t have a third. I really sympathize with her but I want to make it clear to her we need to have boundaries. She is no longer involved in my children’s life as our employee so texting me non-stop can’t happen. Help me find a kind but firm way to verbalize this to our ex-nanny. |
Anonymous
| She was the primary caregiver for your children for seven years and you are complaining that she loves them and communicates with you about them and wants to see them. You are a mean person. Actually, you ate a wicked bitch. |
Anonymous
| Are not ate |
Anonymous
| Wow bitch mom. Poor kids to live with a coldhearted mom. |
Anonymous
| She shouldn’t be texting you so often. |
Anonymous
|
Think yourself lucky she still cares.
If you find she is texting too much just answer one a fortnight. You don't have to reply to everyone, just say you have been busy if she questions it. Be thankful that she clearly loves your children. Children can never have too much love. |
Anonymous
| 2x a week is nonstop? |
Anonymous
|
You really sound coldhearted. 7 years is a lot and your kids probably miss her as well.
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Anonymous
| Sounds like she (& probably your kids) had a healthy attachment to each other after 7 years. Assuming she did find another position she enjoys, she has moved on. Maybe she just still cares about your family. If the frequency is too much for you, just reply to her on a selective basis. But don't cut her out completely. |
Anonymous
| Just stop responding, this way she will know not to invest emotionally in future jobs related to kids. Warm caregivers are overrated right? |
Anonymous
| What a horrible woman you are, OP. I am an MB and I can only hope our nanny is truly as devoted to my children. |
Anonymous
Wow, you are one ugly woman, OP. Seeing your children three times in six months after seven years of being in their lives is good for your children. It is bad enough your poor kids have such a ugly bitch for a mother - let then know that they were truly loved by one good woman at least. - signed, an MB. |
Anonymous
| Unanimous, OP. |
Anonymous
|
Just stop responding to every text OP. Respond once a week, and then taper from there.
You can say things like "Sorry I haven't been more responsive - things are so hectic these days. Have a wonderful holiday season!" Treat this the same way you would any persistent friend for whom you simply don't have the bandwidth to be as responsive as he/she might wish. |
Anonymous
| Just don't respond to her texts very often. |