Work from home parents with nanny in house with kids

[Anonymous]

Our nanny and I have ups and downs but we were finally feeling good about our arrangement - part time nanny 3 days a week $18 an hour. Paid holidays and "make up" time if either of us needs vacation or sick leave.

But now DH started working from home and I can sense she unhappy with us both being in the house though we try to be hidden away in our offices for most the day.

I used to nanny and the parents would come and go and it wasn't an issue. But I can sense she really doesn't like the interruptions or presence. And our boys are young 4 and 2 so they do get excited if they see us in the kitchen.

Am I wrong to expect to be able to move freeely in our home? Mostly to come to make lunch or if I get an hour break
From work I would like to come play with the kids. I mentioned this to her and I could sense she didn't like this idea and wanted to be on her own with the kids all day.

Someone told me to just stop bc it seems now that one issue resolved (pay/hours) another one came up. So we may just not have the right chemistry or be on the same page. But she has so many pros I want to try to make it work. I just hate feeling like everything is so hard to discuss and come to terms ok.

I was a nanny and remember moms telling me talking was like therapy. They loved debriefing and brainstorming about the kids and life. I want that too but it just feels like I end up opening more issues like our talk today on how I wanted to pop in to see the kids more...

Advice?

[Anonymous]

You're going to have to stop interupting her day any time.
Agree with her about what time you can take a break so that the kids don't get too much confusion about who's in charge.
Maybe you can come out when they're napping? Or out at the park?

I agree it's your house but honestly it's really annoying to work for work at home parents. If you want to keep this nanny, you all have to talk about how you can make it work

nanny -

[Anonymous]

I agree. It's your home, but you will have to stay out of her way. When I work from home I stay in my closet by the window, on another level. You will lose your nanny. A lot of nannies don't like working in this type of arrangement. And it's not like you pay her a lot for being part time with two children.

[Anonymous]

I work a similar situation. It causes a dozen extra tantrums a day and a whiny miserable confused kid who is being constantly teased by his parents presence but doesn’t get to be with them. And my MB and DB try to give us space! It doesn’t matter; my job is much more difficult when they’re around.

[Anonymous]

I'm a MB. I WAH, and always have. I do not hide in my office, and when I hire a nanny, I hire people who are 100% fine with that arrangement. Also, this is all my kids have ever known. They love their nanny, and she's a lot more fun than I am, so they're totally fine with a hug and a chat for a couple of minutes and then me leaving.

I'm not in and out all day, and she takes the kids out a lot, so I'm not "all up in their business" all day long, but they know I'm here, and don't hesitate to pop in and say hi if they're in the playroom, and I eat my breakfast and lunch when I feel like it.

It is a less-desirable situation for a lot of nannies, so you have to find someone who actually sees it as a perk. My nannies (we've had three in 8 years, due to military moves) are people who like to have another grownup around to talk to, like that they never have to worry about me being late to let them go, like that there's never a problem with sick days or vacations, because I'm here, and like having me here in unusual situations, like one kid is sick and wants to sleep all day, but the other is bouncing off the walls. I can monitor sick kid while I work, and she can take bouncy one.

So, my suggestion is to talk to this nanny and see what you can do, but know that it is possible to feel comfortable in your own home even when the nanny is there if you find the right person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a MB. I WAH, and always have. I do not hide in my office, and when I hire a nanny, I hire people who are 100% fine with that arrangement. Also, this is all my kids have ever known. They love their nanny, and she's a lot more fun than I am, so they're totally fine with a hug and a chat for a couple of minutes and then me leaving.

I'm not in and out all day, and she takes the kids out a lot, so I'm not "all up in their business" all day long, but they know I'm here, and don't hesitate to pop in and say hi if they're in the playroom, and I eat my breakfast and lunch when I feel like it.

It is a less-desirable situation for a lot of nannies, so you have to find someone who actually sees it as a perk. My nannies (we've had three in 8 years, due to military moves) are people who like to have another grownup around to talk to, like that they never have to worry about me being late to let them go, like that there's never a problem with sick days or vacations, because I'm here, and like having me here in unusual situations, like one kid is sick and wants to sleep all day, but the other is bouncing off the walls. I can monitor sick kid while I work, and she can take bouncy one.

So, my suggestion is to talk to this nanny and see what you can do, but know that it is possible to feel comfortable in your own home even when the nanny is there if you find the right person.

Totally agreeing w/ the bolded above. You are the boss OP - it's your home, your kids, your job for which you set the parameters. It is a tougher fit perhaps, for reasons cited above, but it sounds like you don't have the right person for the job. Not your nanny's fault, but you're trying to make a square peg fit a round hole.

[Anonymous]

When I am working from home and I have a babysitter watching the kids, I stay in my bedroom (which has an adjoining bathroom). I get more work done, and the kids don't get distracted by me.

[Anonymous]

It rarely works for the best and most nannies avoid this situation at all costs

[Anonymous]

The good nannies will avoid this situation like the plague. Daycare is best in your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The good nannies will avoid this situation like the plague. Daycare is best in your situation.

+ 1,000 - Parents in-and-out are a huge disruption for most children, even when the parents are in denial.

[Anonymous]

This situation really suuuuucks especially with the age range of your children. 2 reasons I HATE WAH parents when parents are around you dont know how to get the kids to listen to you so u dont even know what to do with yourself or feel like you are in control at all and being watched all the time. And when the parents leave? the children will cry bloody murder to go stay with them. I could never work for WAHP not for any amount of money.

[Anonymous]

I rarely hear success stories about Nannies working well w/bosses that telecommute.

Very rarely.

From my own personal working experience, these types of jobs have typically been nothing but a recipe for a predictable disaster x 1000+.

The dynamic is so hard to deal with.

The parents are supposedly “working hard,” yet they seem to have a third ear in that they always know what occurred during the Nanny’s shift!

The Nanny feels like she has to work twice as hard in keeping her charge quiet since the parent is working along w/preventing the child from gravitating towards the parent.
And yes, I totally agree that a child always behaves different when they know their parent is still in the house.

You couldn’t pay me a million to work this type of job.
I am serious here.

Never again.

[Anonymous]

Btdt. After this position ends, I will be very, very firm about no wah parents. It's fine when the parent is actually off. But it's very confusing for a child to be told the parent is working, then see the parent looking at clothes online through a glass office door. It's worse when the parent pops out to console the child who glared at me and topped their head back to shriek, all because I had the audacity to ask which vegetable the child wanted.

I've had wah and sah work. Boundaries were always enforced, and only one adult spoke to kids unless it was family time and we were all together. It's too confusing for parents to pop in and out and tell nanny and kids to (not ) do things just because they had 5 minutes free.

[Anonymous]

Set up a time when you 'see' the kids. Have breakfast together, come out for lunch together, have a story and settle them down for naptime. Eat snack with them when they wake up, etc. Make sure this is consistent day in and day out. At all other times, don't show your face - it's too confusing for the children.

I hate working with sah or wah parents precisely because of the lack of predictability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set up a time when you 'see' the kids. Have breakfast together, come out for lunch together, have a story and settle them down for naptime. Eat snack with them when they wake up, etc. Make sure this is consistent day in and day out. At all other times, don't show your face - it's too confusing for the children.

I hate working with sah or wah parents precisely because of the lack of predictability.

Sheer selfishness to disregard their children like that, not to mention the nanny. They should grow up and be responsible.