Asking a nanny to come back...

[Anonymous]

DS has a great nanny from three months old to two years of age when we decided to put him in daycare. It was a tense split as Nanny was not happy with our decision. However, we all rose above our bad feelings and nanny and DS have remained very close for the last two years - nanny takes care of my son without accepting payment at all and has become more of a family friend. I know she loves my son and he loves her. Nanny went on to work for a nice family with definitely more perks than we could ever offer and a higher salary. I know that nanny loves her new charge, too as she always talks about him.

I am pregnant with my second child and due in December. I can take a six month maternity leave this time so I won't need a nanny until April.

Should I ask the nanny to come back? I doubt she will say yes but I feel I should give her the opportunity to decline our offer. Or will just asking be offensive?

[Anonymous]

If I were her I would be worried you would just fire me again like before.You can ask but she will pprobably say No.

[Anonymous]

You burned the nanny bridge, OP. Tell her that you hope to find someone half as good as she was but don't insult her by offering her the job.

[Anonymous]

You are lucky that she still has contact with your son. Why would she ever trust you again?

[Anonymous]

You got lucky once with a devoted nanny. Don't expect it to happen again.

[Anonymous]

MB here.

You need to know whether or not you would attempt to match her pay before you talk to her. If you know that you can't offer her at least an equivalent offer then I think you should say something like this:

"Jane, I wanted to talk w/ you for a minute. As you may know I'm pregnant again, and after I spend six months at home we will be looking for a nanny again, probably for another 18month-2 yr stint as we did before.

I know that you are really happy in your current position, and that they are offering your a higher wage and better perks than we could afford. So I am assuming that you would not leave that family to come back and work for us again, however you would always be our first choice and I wanted to at least let you know that.

We're not taking any action on anything for months obviously, but we are so glad that you have remained part of Jr's life, and ours. So I wanted to tell you about the pregnancy before it becomes obvious.

I also wanted you to know how thrilled we would be to have you return to nanny for our second child, so that if something did ever change and it was something you wanted to consider you knew that we would welcome it. But as I said, I know that isn't likely and I completely understand that. I just wanted to make sure that you didn't feel hurt when we start looking for someone in a year or so."

And leave it at that. If you can't make her a better offer then it's more an issue of making her feel respected and appreciated enough to stay in touch w/ you. Or perhaps you'd ask her to babysit occasionally for date nights etc... while you're on maternity leave because she's so trusted and known to you. That might also be a nice thing to say (if she's open to it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here.

You need to know whether or not you would attempt to match her pay before you talk to her. If you know that you can't offer her at least an equivalent offer then I think you should say something like this:

"Jane, I wanted to talk w/ you for a minute. As you may know I'm pregnant again, and after I spend six months at home we will be looking for a nanny again, probably for another 18month-2 yr stint as we did before.

I know that you are really happy in your current position, and that they are offering your a higher wage and better perks than we could afford. So I am assuming that you would not leave that family to come back and work for us again, however you would always be our first choice and I wanted to at least let you know that.

We're not taking any action on anything for months obviously, but we are so glad that you have remained part of Jr's life, and ours. So I wanted to tell you about the pregnancy before it becomes obvious.

I also wanted you to know how thrilled we would be to have you return to nanny for our second child, so that if something did ever change and it was something you wanted to consider you knew that we would welcome it. But as I said, I know that isn't likely and I completely understand that. I just wanted to make sure that you didn't feel hurt when we start looking for someone in a year or so."

And leave it at that. If you can't make her a better offer then it's more an issue of making her feel respected and appreciated enough to stay in touch w/ you. Or perhaps you'd ask her to babysit occasionally for date nights etc... while you're on maternity leave because she's so trusted and known to you. That might also be a nice thing to say (if she's open to it).

This, OP. Perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS has a great nanny from three months old to two years of age when we decided to put him in daycare. It was a tense split as Nanny was not happy with our decision. However, we all rose above our bad feelings and nanny and DS have remained very close for the last two years - nanny takes care of my son without accepting payment at all and has become more of a family friend. I know she loves my son and he loves her. Nanny went on to work for a nice family with definitely more perks than we could ever offer and a higher salary. I know that nanny loves her new charge, too as she always talks about him.

I am pregnant with my second child and due in December. I can take a six month maternity leave this time so I won't need a nanny until April.

Should I ask the nanny to come back? I doubt she will say yes but I feel I should give her the opportunity to decline our offer. Or will just asking be offensive?

I doubt you can go back to an employer/employee relationship but you can always ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here.

You need to know whether or not you would attempt to match her pay before you talk to her. If you know that you can't offer her at least an equivalent offer then I think you should say something like this:

"Jane, I wanted to talk w/ you for a minute. As you may know I'm pregnant again, and after I spend six months at home we will be looking for a nanny again, probably for another 18month-2 yr stint as we did before.

I know that you are really happy in your current position, and that they are offering your a higher wage and better perks than we could afford. So I am assuming that you would not leave that family to come back and work for us again, however you would always be our first choice and I wanted to at least let you know that.

We're not taking any action on anything for months obviously, but we are so glad that you have remained part of Jr's life, and ours. So I wanted to tell you about the pregnancy before it becomes obvious.

I also wanted you to know how thrilled we would be to have you return to nanny for our second child, so that if something did ever change and it was something you wanted to consider you knew that we would welcome it. But as I said, I know that isn't likely and I completely understand that. I just wanted to make sure that you didn't feel hurt when we start looking for someone in a year or so."

And leave it at that. If you can't make her a better offer then it's more an issue of making her feel respected and appreciated enough to stay in touch w/ you. Or perhaps you'd ask her to babysit occasionally for date nights etc... while you're on maternity leave because she's so trusted and known to you. That might also be a nice thing to say (if she's open to it).

+1

[Anonymous]

It can't hurt to throw it out there that you'll be looking to have a nanny start around that time. Her current job could be ending around then, who knows.

[Anonymous]

PP here, meant to add you can ask her if she knows anyone she'd recommend.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like you can afford her.

[Anonymous]

I think it would change your relationship for the worse. Right now she is a family friend who spends time with your son because she loves him. She does not see herself as your nanny and will likely pull back from your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like you can afford her.

+1. You would need to give her a better package than what she is receiving now.

[Anonymous]

She loves your son, her former charge, not you. Don't mess it up for your child.