How to identify a good nanny?

[Anonymous]

I recently had a bad experience with a nanny that we hired. She lasted a very short time. I had high hopes for her based on her experience, the references that I spoke to, and all of the positive reviews on care.com. There were red flags early in that I ignored at the time, but in retrospect they were very meaningful. The thing is, every nanny I interviewed had one or two things that registered as a concern for me. I'm not sure how well I can trust my filter since I tend to worry a lot. I'm

I think that doing a longer trial would have been a good screening tool, but I didn't feel I had the time to do it. I'm wondering if there are any questions I can ask, things to look for, or anything else that might help me find a nanny who doesn't just give the right answers at the interview, but who genuinely loves being with children.

[Anonymous]

Your best bet would be to ask any other parents about a referral.
Someone they use & are very satisfied w/her job performance.

Or if you are at the park/playground and see a Nanny actively + safely engaging w/their charge(s), perhaps you can inquire if she needs extra hours, etc.

Finally if there is a good/reputable Nanny area in your town, it would be nice to let them select a responsible + caring Nanny for your child.
Maybe they will let you even speak w/some of her previous families which would be a huge plus.

Good luck OP,
Hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

*Nanny agency

[Anonymous]

Op. What were the red flags?

[Anonymous]

Nanny that is a mother, Nanny with 10 plus year experience, a person that stays at her job for more than three years.

[Anonymous]

Ask about her ongoing relationships with her former charges and their parents. Dead giveaway.

[Anonymous]

I watched the way our nanny, then just a candidate, looked at and listen to my child. At one point I watched as the nanny distracted DD from continuing to beg for something I had said no to and nanny was so easy and smooth about just engaging DD in something else.

So basically, I learned more from watching DD with the candidates than in talking to the candidates.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't pick a nanny based on whether she had kids or not.

It's worth bearing in mind that some people don't interview well but that doesn't mean they are not good at their job. Just give them a chance but at the same time, don't rush your decision

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. What were the red flags?

Hindsight is 20 20. Of course these things sound so bad now, but it was very easy to brush them off at the time.

1- the candidate told me at her first interview that she also did frequent pet sitting. On her way out of the interview, she mentioned that the dog she was sitting had not been let out all day since it was raining that morning. She said she had considered going over to let it out while her current charges were napping. At the time I asked my husband whether he thought she meant she would have left the charges home alone sleeping. We decided that she must have meant that someone else (grandma) was at home, because no one would be dumb enough to leave kids home alone sleeping. On the other hand, if someone else was home and she could have left, why would she not have been conscientious and let out the poor dog? Either way it is bad.

2- she came over for a second visit, which was supposed to be a chance to get to know the kids. It ended up being an awkward time because we had just gotten home from an activity, and our daughter was hungry and not interested in spending time with someone new. The nanny spent about 15-20 minutes interacting with her, chatted with me a bit, and then whipped out her phone and started clicking away. I was really bothered that she got out her phone during that time since we were paying her get to know our child. But I rationalized that my DD wasn't in the best mood and maybe the nanny didn't want to force interaction.

I posted about this nanny a few weeks ago - she came over and sat on her phone for 3 straight days and didn't interact with my kids at all. She ignored them when they tried to play with her. I witnessed it with my own eyes and ears. In hindsight her lack of conscientiousness and phone addiction should have been obvious.

I appreciate the suggestions so far!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny that is a mother, Nanny with 10 plus year experience, a person that stays at her job for more than three years.

I disagree with the "nanny who is a mother" assessment. Having a nanny with a child/children brings in all sorts of issues - what to do when her child is home sick, feeling guilty about keeping a mother away from her own child, knowing that her children will always come first with the nanny and not your child, etc. Perhaps a nanny with grown children but a nanny with young children is a burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny that is a mother, Nanny with 10 plus year experience, a person that stays at her job for more than three years.

I disagree with the "nanny who is a mother" assessment. Having a nanny with a child/children brings in all sorts of issues - what to do when her child is home sick, feeling guilty about keeping a mother away from her own child, knowing that her children will always come first with the nanny and not your child, etc. Perhaps a nanny with grown children but a nanny with young children is a burden.

As a mother, doesn't matter how many year of experience you have as a nanny. When you become a mother you learn so much. So many things you will NEVER learn from being a nanny from 9-5. My daughter is now five, and I have yet to take off because she is sick, because my husband works nights. And she is in full-time school. And when she was an infant I had my mother in-law. When you are a mother you understand the need to be reliable, trustworthy.

[Anonymous]

Op, ask open ended questions during your interview, check their social media pages, talk to their references, ask why they are leaving their current position or why they didn't have something lined up when their last position ended. The best nannies have longer gaps (that's when they travel) or they end a position one week and stop the next position the following week. They don't have pictures of nks or questionable behavior available for public consumption on social media. They can think on their feet in interviews and while with kids, and they know that the best-laid plans don't stand a chance when a child starts teething. They expect clear, concise direction for the bigger picture, and they expect to manage the day-to-day without drama. And most important, they know when to use a phone and when to put it away, and references can speak to that as well as other issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny that is a mother, Nanny with 10 plus year experience, a person that stays at her job for more than three years.

I disagree with the "nanny who is a mother" assessment. Having a nanny with a child/children brings in all sorts of issues - what to do when her child is home sick, feeling guilty about keeping a mother away from her own child, knowing that her children will always come first with the nanny and not your child, etc. Perhaps a nanny with grown children but a nanny with young children is a burden.

I hope you're a SAHM or you're simply a hypocritical asshole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny that is a mother, Nanny with 10 plus year experience, a person that stays at her job for more than three years.

I disagree with the "nanny who is a mother" assessment. Having a nanny with a child/children brings in all sorts of issues - what to do when her child is home sick, feeling guilty about keeping a mother away from her own child, knowing that her children will always come first with the nanny and not your child, etc. Perhaps a nanny with grown children but a nanny with young children is a burden.

As a mother, doesn't matter how many year of experience you have as a nanny. When you become a mother you learn so much. So many things you will NEVER learn from being a nanny from 9-5. My daughter is now five, and I have yet to take off because she is sick, because my husband works nights. And she is in full-time school. And when she was an infant I had my mother in-law. When you are a mother you understand the need to be reliable, trustworthy.

When you are a mother, you always put your child first. I want my nanny to put my child first.

And there is nothing about the biology of giving birth that makes a woman reliable or trustworthy! Otherwise there would be no mother is prison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny that is a mother, Nanny with 10 plus year experience, a person that stays at her job for more than three years.

I disagree with the "nanny who is a mother" assessment. Having a nanny with a child/children brings in all sorts of issues - what to do when her child is home sick, feeling guilty about keeping a mother away from her own child, knowing that her children will always come first with the nanny and not your child, etc. Perhaps a nanny with grown children but a nanny with young children is a burden.

I hope you're a SAHM or you're simply a hypocritical asshole

No, I am simply being honest. I would not hire a nanny with young children of her own. Flame me all you want - I made this decision and I stand by it. Our amazing nanny is older with no children but 25 years of preschool teaching experience and advanced degrees in ECE. She could not be more loving, more dependable nor more responsible. My child id her joy as is her previous charge.