How to identify a good nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny that is a mother, Nanny with 10 plus year experience, a person that stays at her job for more than three years.

I disagree with the "nanny who is a mother" assessment. Having a nanny with a child/children brings in all sorts of issues - what to do when her child is home sick, feeling guilty about keeping a mother away from her own child, knowing that her children will always come first with the nanny and not your child, etc. Perhaps a nanny with grown children but a nanny with young children is a burden.

I hope you're a SAHM or you're simply a hypocritical asshole

No, I am simply being honest. I would not hire a nanny with young children of her own. Flame me all you want - I made this decision and I stand by it. Our amazing nanny is older with no children but 25 years of preschool teaching experience and advanced degrees in ECE. She could not be more loving, more dependable nor more responsible. My child id her joy as is her previous charge.

You are a joke. So you are telling all of us that when you are a mother you can't hold a full-time job? Or do your job well.. So how do so many mother that have young children work full-time and are good at what they do? Let me answer that for you.. Since you are a little slow? They have reliable childcare.

[Anonymous]

I would ask very glowing references what they would criticize about the nanny if they had to; I found these responses very illuminating in terms of actually "forcing" the references to say something bad about the nanny and then evaluating how bad I found the bad thing to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. What were the red flags?

Hindsight is 20 20. Of course these things sound so bad now, but it was very easy to brush them off at the time.

1- the candidate told me at her first interview that she also did frequent pet sitting. On her way out of the interview, she mentioned that the dog she was sitting had not been let out all day since it was raining that morning. She said she had considered going over to let it out while her current charges were napping. At the time I asked my husband whether he thought she meant she would have left the charges home alone sleeping. We decided that she must have meant that someone else (grandma) was at home, because no one would be dumb enough to leave kids home alone sleeping. On the other hand, if someone else was home and she could have left, why would she not have been conscientious and let out the poor dog? Either way it is bad.

2- she came over for a second visit, which was supposed to be a chance to get to know the kids. It ended up being an awkward time because we had just gotten home from an activity, and our daughter was hungry and not interested in spending time with someone new. The nanny spent about 15-20 minutes interacting with her, chatted with me a bit, and then whipped out her phone and started clicking away. I was really bothered that she got out her phone during that time since we were paying her get to know our child. But I rationalized that my DD wasn't in the best mood and maybe the nanny didn't want to force interaction.

I posted about this nanny a few weeks ago - she came over and sat on her phone for 3 straight days and didn't interact with my kids at all. She ignored them when they tried to play with her. I witnessed it with my own eyes and ears. In hindsight her lack of conscientiousness and phone addiction should have been obvious.

I appreciate the suggestions so far!

Those aren't just red flags but obvious signs of a bad nanny. Why wouldn't you look for someone else after the phone incident?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny that is a mother, Nanny with 10 plus year experience, a person that stays at her job for more than three years.

I disagree with the "nanny who is a mother" assessment. Having a nanny with a child/children brings in all sorts of issues - what to do when her child is home sick, feeling guilty about keeping a mother away from her own child, knowing that her children will always come first with the nanny and not your child, etc. Perhaps a nanny with grown children but a nanny with young children is a burden.

I hope you're a SAHM or you're simply a hypocritical asshole

No, I am simply being honest. I would not hire a nanny with young children of her own. Flame me all you want - I made this decision and I stand by it. Our amazing nanny is older with no children but 25 years of preschool teaching experience and advanced degrees in ECE. She could not be more loving, more dependable nor more responsible. My child id her joy as is her previous charge.

You are a joke. So you are telling all of us that when you are a mother you can't hold a full-time job? Or do your job well.. So how do so many mother that have young children work full-time and are good at what they do? Let me answer that for you.. Since you are a little slow? They have reliable childcare.

My job is not taking care of another mother's children in her home while mine are home with the nanny. There is the difference. I am sorry if you cannot understand that. Call me a joke if you want but my actual title is EMPLOYER. And who I hire is 100% my choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. What were the red flags?

Hindsight is 20 20. Of course these things sound so bad now, but it was very easy to brush them off at the time.

1- the candidate told me at her first interview that she also did frequent pet sitting. On her way out of the interview, she mentioned that the dog she was sitting had not been let out all day since it was raining that morning. She said she had considered going over to let it out while her current charges were napping. At the time I asked my husband whether he thought she meant she would have left the charges home alone sleeping. We decided that she must have meant that someone else (grandma) was at home, because no one would be dumb enough to leave kids home alone sleeping. On the other hand, if someone else was home and she could have left, why would she not have been conscientious and let out the poor dog? Either way it is bad.

2- she came over for a second visit, which was supposed to be a chance to get to know the kids. It ended up being an awkward time because we had just gotten home from an activity, and our daughter was hungry and not interested in spending time with someone new. The nanny spent about 15-20 minutes interacting with her, chatted with me a bit, and then whipped out her phone and started clicking away. I was really bothered that she got out her phone during that time since we were paying her get to know our child. But I rationalized that my DD wasn't in the best mood and maybe the nanny didn't want to force interaction.

I posted about this nanny a few weeks ago - she came over and sat on her phone for 3 straight days and didn't interact with my kids at all. She ignored them when they tried to play with her. I witnessed it with my own eyes and ears. In hindsight her lack of conscientiousness and phone addiction should have been obvious.

I appreciate the suggestions so far!

Those aren't just red flags but obvious signs of a bad nanny. Why wouldn't you look for someone else after the phone incident?

We had already interviewed quite a few people and they all had issues. This one at least had lots of good references. We were also running out of time before our current nanny had to leave, and since I work full time, doing interviews in my free time was wearing on me.

[Anonymous]

Okay, here's how it works:

1) Any candidate who had a red flag related to safety is an automatic NO. Yes, there will be pros and cons. If the cons are, "One reference said she was late a lot," you can maybe work with that. If the cons are the kind of things you, describe, then there is no way to work around or overlook it. It is about basic safety.

2) If number 1 rules out all of your candidates, then there is an issue--low pay, strange hours, area with no nannies, you come off as a high-maintenance jerk, whatever it might be, you need to either fix it or decide to lool at daycares.

[Anonymous]

OP this sounds funny but you may try posting on Craig's List. Many really good nannies and daycare/childcare workers would love to work for 1 great family but can't post on Care.com or the other websites for fear of their current job.

Just a suggestion of course, I know CL has plenty of bad to it too.

Also I personally would choose the candidate with which you click. You will know it when you find it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, here's how it works:

1) Any candidate who had a red flag related to safety is an automatic NO. Yes, there will be pros and cons. If the cons are, "One reference said she was late a lot," you can maybe work with that. If the cons are the kind of things you, describe, then there is no way to work around or overlook it. It is about basic safety.

2) If number 1 rules out all of your candidates, then there is an issue--low pay, strange hours, area with no nannies, you come off as a high-maintenance jerk, whatever it might be, you need to either fix it or decide to lool at daycares.

Everyone we know pays their nannies $15-18 per hour. We were offering $20+, guaranteed 40 hours, and we are a nice normal family. Everyone who interviewed wanted the job, so no, there's nothing wrong with the job itself or with us.
The issues we encountered were not necessarily about safety. Wanting to be paid illegally was common, bad driving record came up on one person just by googling, one person came across as dishonest, multiple candidates came to interview and didn't even look at or speak to the kids while they were here. I put a lot of weight into the references, as these people had long term relationships with the candidate and no issues apparently arose. But perhaps that's possible when your children aren't old enough to tell you what nanny actually did all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, here's how it works:

1) Any candidate who had a red flag related to safety is an automatic NO. Yes, there will be pros and cons. If the cons are, "One reference said she was late a lot," you can maybe work with that. If the cons are the kind of things you, describe, then there is no way to work around or overlook it. It is about basic safety.

2) If number 1 rules out all of your candidates, then there is an issue--low pay, strange hours, area with no nannies, you come off as a high-maintenance jerk, whatever it might be, you need to either fix it or decide to lool at daycares.

Everyone we know pays their nannies $15-18 per hour. We were offering $20+, guaranteed 40 hours, and we are a nice normal family. Everyone who interviewed wanted the job, so no, there's nothing wrong with the job itself or with us.
The issues we encountered were not necessarily about safety. Wanting to be paid illegally was common, bad driving record came up on one person just by googling, one person came across as dishonest, multiple candidates came to interview and didn't even look at or speak to the kids while they were here. I put a lot of weight into the references, as these people had long term relationships with the candidate and no issues apparently arose. But perhaps that's possible when your children aren't old enough to tell you what nanny actually did all day.

Even with that list: bad driver? Okay, but don't let her drive your kids. And the fact that everyone who interviewed wanted the job means nothing. It is entirely possible that in your add or email communication you were phrasing things in a way that sent up red flags for experienced nannies and they moved on before the interview stage. Do you have strange hours, for example? Or are you asking for "light housekeeping?" Those might cause a lot of good nannies to just move on. You sound a little bit defensive, so please know that I am not trying to criticize you, just trying to help you with your problem. If you are not finding that the candidates you are attracting are the candidates you want to work with, then either you are being too picky (and it does not sound like that is the case) or there is something about your job that is only attractive to these lower quality candidates.

Finally, while references are important, you have to know how to interview. Ask the nanny to tell you a little bit about each family, and then when you call the family, intentionally get some of the details wrong (for example if the nanny says that she cared for their toddler son, say " Larla tells me that she started working for your daughter when she was about four.") It is not foolproof, but it gives you another way to tell if a reference is fake. It does happen sometimes. You should also be asking in-depth questions. You should be talking to these people for a little bit longer and really grilling them on the nannies communication style, what kind of personalities she works with best, what ages of children she works with best, what her strengths and weaknesses are, etc. I always insist that they say at least one negative thing about her, going so far as to say "if you have to criticize something about Larla, what would that be?" There are lots of good resources if you Google a bit to learn more about how to interview nanny references. But all that said, even the best reference is not going to outweigh what you see with your own eyes. Don't take someone just because you want to be done with the process. There are temp nannies available, and finding a good fit, as you have seen, is really crucial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, here's how it works:

1) Any candidate who had a red flag related to safety is an automatic NO. Yes, there will be pros and cons. If the cons are, "One reference said she was late a lot," you can maybe work with that. If the cons are the kind of things you, describe, then there is no way to work around or overlook it. It is about basic safety.

2) If number 1 rules out all of your candidates, then there is an issue--low pay, strange hours, area with no nannies, you come off as a high-maintenance jerk, whatever it might be, you need to either fix it or decide to lool at daycares.

Everyone we know pays their nannies $15-18 per hour. We were offering $20+, guaranteed 40 hours, and we are a nice normal family. Everyone who interviewed wanted the job, so no, there's nothing wrong with the job itself or with us.
The issues we encountered were not necessarily about safety. Wanting to be paid illegally was common, bad driving record came up on one person just by googling, one person came across as dishonest, multiple candidates came to interview and didn't even look at or speak to the kids while they were here. I put a lot of weight into the references, as these people had long term relationships with the candidate and no issues apparently arose. But perhaps that's possible when your children aren't old enough to tell you what nanny actually did all day.

Even with that list: bad driver? Okay, but don't let her drive your kids. And the fact that everyone who interviewed wanted the job means nothing. It is entirely possible that in your add or email communication you were phrasing things in a way that sent up red flags for experienced nannies and they moved on before the interview stage. Do you have strange hours, for example? Or are you asking for "light housekeeping?" Those might cause a lot of good nannies to just move on. You sound a little bit defensive, so please know that I am not trying to criticize you, just trying to help you with your problem. If you are not finding that the candidates you are attracting are the candidates you want to work with, then either you are being too picky (and it does not sound like that is the case) or there is something about your job that is only attractive to these lower quality candidates.

Finally, while references are important, you have to know how to interview. Ask the nanny to tell you a little bit about each family, and then when you call the family, intentionally get some of the details wrong (for example if the nanny says that she cared for their toddler son, say " Larla tells me that she started working for your daughter when she was about four.") It is not foolproof, but it gives you another way to tell if a reference is fake. It does happen sometimes. You should also be asking in-depth questions. You should be talking to these people for a little bit longer and really grilling them on the nannies communication style, what kind of personalities she works with best, what ages of children she works with best, what her strengths and weaknesses are, etc. I always insist that they say at least one negative thing about her, going so far as to say "if you have to criticize something about Larla, what would that be?" There are lots of good resources if you Google a bit to learn more about how to interview nanny references. But all that said, even the best reference is not going to outweigh what you see with your own eyes. Don't take someone just because you want to be done with the process. There are temp nannies available, and finding a good fit, as you have seen, is really crucial.

We have an almost three year old in preschool and another child in elementary, and we live in the suburbs. Driving is an absolute requirement for the job, and I check all applicants' driving records if I am giving them serious consideration.

I think I am coming to understand why only lower quality candidates are applying to my job -- it's because nearly all candidates on care.com are of low quality. Two of my friends recently had excellent nannies who were looking for new jobs. (Unfortunately, they were both looking for part-time hours that wouldn't work with our schedule.) Both women had new jobs within DAYS. They had no need to use care.com, because they have solid networks due to their former employers. Care.com nannies fall predominantly into two categories: very young women who don't have a real passion for kids but need the money, and older women with grown kids who now need some extra money. There are a handful of women on there with ECE degrees and lots of experience, but when I contact them they are always currently employed. I think I need to look into other resources for finding someone. Unfortunately since we are new to the area, I don't have many personal connections.

I appreciate your advice about interviewing and determining if a reference is fake. That is very helpful advice.

[Anonymous]

Yes, care.com treats nannies very poorly so experienced nannies steer clear. Sitterycity and craiglist are okay, but agency or networking is the better way to go.