Nanny starting her own family

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and I need advice. Me and my partner are considering adoption and are looking to begin that process this spring. It could take any amount of time but the estimates I've received suggest 9-18 months start to finish (if we are lucky)

The problem is of course that I'm a nanny and I'm worried to tell my employers I intend to do this because I'm afraid of losing my job. I believe I will need them to verify my employment at some point in the process. We are looking at older children, not infants if that makes any difference.

MBs, would you probably fire your nanny? Advice on how to broach the subject?

[Anonymous]

I would not, but I would also appreciate you telling me how the process is likely to affect your availability for work.

The more you can put your MB's mind at ease about the logistical parts (how much time off will you need, how much will be last minute, will there be times when you'll have to leave during the day to meet with a social worker, will you get any notice and be able to plan ahead, how long will you want off after placement if that happens, and do you have expectations about pay during that time), the easier it will be for her to be excited for you and to make it work.

Pregnant nannies get fired because NFs don't want the hassle of trying to figure out how to maintain routine coverage for their kids while also being a decent person to their nanny. They'd rather fire her and be awful all at once rather than have to tell a pregnant woman that she's missed too many days due to morning sickness, or that they can't deal with coverage for weekly appointments in the 3rd trimester. A nanny who anticipates these issues and has a plan to address them is one who is much more likely to find her NF willing to work with her.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can bet your life they will fire you because your only purpose in Life is to be devoted to your MB a.d her kids. Do not tell I til you get the call because it could take 2-3 years.

[Anonymous]

Do. Not. Say. One. Word.


Absolutely do not tell them, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do. Not. Say. One. Word.


Absolutely do not tell them, OP.

+1 They will fire you the instant they find someone to take your job. Do not tell them.

And good luck with the adoption!

[Anonymous]

It took us many years to adopt and a ton of money. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes a long time, sometimes never. You need to be honest with them. You can come back with the baby for a few weeks post placement if your husband cannot take off so they can find alternative care but you may need to leave the area quickly for a week or two. For older kids, it may not be as much of an issue but many are high needs so they will have lots of therapy and other appointments so it may be an issue if you plan to keep working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It took us many years to adopt and a ton of money. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes a long time, sometimes never. You need to be honest with them. You can come back with the baby for a few weeks post placement if your husband cannot take off so they can find alternative care but you may need to leave the area quickly for a week or two. For older kids, it may not be as much of an issue but many are high needs so they will have lots of therapy and other appointments so it may be an issue if you plan to keep working.

We are planning to adopt an older child from local foster care, so it eliminates baby concerns but definitely adds others. That said me and my partner talked last night and decided that we're going into this assuming I will lose my job or will have to switch to a part time position. Financially we are OK if that happens. I just hate working in childcare knowing that the biggest threat to my career is being a parent.

[Anonymous]

If you work as a nanny you shouldn't have a kid

[Anonymous]

I'd fire you. Sorry, but I'm being honest here. An older kid coming out of foster care is going to have a lot of problems. I don't think someone would stay focused on their work doing that. And I just can't risk it with my children.

Now if you were an employee of my company and were adopting, I'd fully support that. But my company is nowhere near as personal as my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd fire you. Sorry, but I'm being honest here. An older kid coming out of foster care is going to have a lot of problems. I don't think someone would stay focused on their work doing that. And I just can't risk it with my children.

Now if you were an employee of my company and were adopting, I'd fully support that. But my company is nowhere near as personal as my children.

Would you fire a nanny for being pregnant too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd fire you. Sorry, but I'm being honest here. An older kid coming out of foster care is going to have a lot of problems. I don't think someone would stay focused on their work doing that. And I just can't risk it with my children.

Now if you were an employee of my company and were adopting, I'd fully support that. But my company is nowhere near as personal as my children.

If they are older kids, they would probably be in school and she could get after school care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd fire you. Sorry, but I'm being honest here. An older kid coming out of foster care is going to have a lot of problems. I don't think someone would stay focused on their work doing that. And I just can't risk it with my children.

Now if you were an employee of my company and were adopting, I'd fully support that. But my company is nowhere near as personal as my children.

You ate a jerk but you prove my point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It took us many years to adopt and a ton of money. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes a long time, sometimes never. You need to be honest with them. You can come back with the baby for a few weeks post placement if your husband cannot take off so they can find alternative care but you may need to leave the area quickly for a week or two. For older kids, it may not be as much of an issue but many are high needs so they will have lots of therapy and other appointments so it may be an issue if you plan to keep working.

We are planning to adopt an older child from local foster care, so it eliminates baby concerns but definitely adds others. That said me and my partner talked last night and decided that we're going into this assuming I will lose my job or will have to switch to a part time position. Financially we are OK if that happens. I just hate working in childcare knowing that the biggest threat to my career is being a parent.

Well, no. Being a nanny, a sole employee for people who need near 100% reliability, is probably not a good fit for someone with unpredictable personal responsibilities, whatever they are. You need a job that can accommodate no-notice emergencies on a regular basis, or time off during the day to attend therapies, school meetings, etc.. Maybe you won't need to do any of those things, but an older foster child is likely to need more support, and you won't know until the child is living in your house.

There are plenty of jobs in child care that are more flexible.

[Anonymous]

Being a nanny is a JOB. Nannies are not slave's to be on duty 24/7. If this is what you want then start paying $$$/hr,!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd fire you. Sorry, but I'm being honest here. An older kid coming out of foster care is going to have a lot of problems. I don't think someone would stay focused on their work doing that. And I just can't risk it with my children.

Now if you were an employee of my company and were adopting, I'd fully support that. But my company is nowhere near as personal as my children.

Would you fire a nanny for being pregnant too?

We specifically hired a nanny in her 50's.