How do I raise this with MB?

[Anonymous]

I am not going through a great time of late. My sister had another psychotic episode the other day so am struggling with that and I may need time off work to go to appointments with her. The police and hospital were involved too. As well as this, I am having dental problems and feeling a bit unwell generally due to the heat. I am able to nanny as well as ever but get the sense that MB knows something is up yet I am scared to tell her in case she judges me or thinks it inappropriate. What can I say?

[Anonymous]

Why is your sister your problem? Do you live with her? This shouldn't be on you.

Can you get your dental problems fixed with a couple of appointments? If so, tell your MB "I am having some dental problems and am going to aim to get an appointment for the end of this week. It might take more than one but I will let you know as soon as I know."

Then put in for a personal day for your sister's crap. Do not tell her your sister is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Why would it not be on OP? Maybe she is the only one who is helping her. It's family, family pull together.
I would want to know if my nanny was having a hard time and would absolutely support her with all the issues raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would it not be on OP? Maybe she is the only one who is helping her. It's family, family pull together.
I would want to know if my nanny was having a hard time and would absolutely support her with all the issues raised.

op's livelihood and the livelihood of her bosses shouldn't be at risk because her sister has problems. Her sisters problems are hers to deal with. If op can help without jeopardizing her job then ok but it's not her problem to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would it not be on OP? Maybe she is the only one who is helping her. It's family, family pull together.
I would want to know if my nanny was having a hard time and would absolutely support her with all the issues raised.

op's livelihood and the livelihood of her bosses shouldn't be at risk because her sister has problems. Her sisters problems are hers to deal with. If op can help without jeopardizing her job then ok but it's not her problem to deal with.

You don't have a close family member with a mental illness, do you? I do and know exactly what a crisis this is and, no, the psychotic person can not just "deal with it" themselves. OP, you should let your MB know. I would want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your sister your problem? Do you live with her? This shouldn't be on you.

Can you get your dental problems fixed with a couple of appointments? If so, tell your MB "I am having some dental problems and am going to aim to get an appointment for the end of this week. It might take more than one but I will let you know as soon as I know."

Then put in for a personal day for your sister's crap. Do not tell her your sister is crazy.

I agree - just put in for a personal day and don;t tell her anything about your sister. Try to get your dental appointments at a convenient time for MB. Good luck, OP - sounds like you have really hit a rough spot of road!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would it not be on OP? Maybe she is the only one who is helping her. It's family, family pull together.
I would want to know if my nanny was having a hard time and would absolutely support her with all the issues raised.

op's livelihood and the livelihood of her bosses shouldn't be at risk because her sister has problems. Her sisters problems are hers to deal with. If op can help without jeopardizing her job then ok but it's not her problem to deal with.

You don't have a close family member with a mental illness, do you? I do and know exactly what a crisis this is and, no, the psychotic person can not just "deal with it" themselves. OP, you should let your MB know. I would want to know.

Thank you. Am assuming you are an MB?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would it not be on OP? Maybe she is the only one who is helping her. It's family, family pull together.
I would want to know if my nanny was having a hard time and would absolutely support her with all the issues raised.

op's livelihood and the livelihood of her bosses shouldn't be at risk because her sister has problems. Her sisters problems are hers to deal with. If op can help without jeopardizing her job then ok but it's not her problem to deal with.

You don't have a close family member with a mental illness, do you? I do and know exactly what a crisis this is and, no, the psychotic person can not just "deal with it" themselves. OP, you should let your MB know. I would want to know.

Thank you. Am assuming you are an MB?

Yes, I am.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes over-sharing doesn't work out so well.

[Anonymous]

Ask for a personal day to take care of your sister and simply ask your MB for the most convenient times for your dental appointments. NEVER engage in too personal conversations with your employer. Keep your drama out of the workplace.

I write this as a nanny. No matter how much your employers love you, you are there to do a job and make life easier for the child's parents.

[Anonymous]

I'm an MB. Here's what I would want to know/hope to hear:

"I need to talk to you about something. I anticipate needing a bit of time off in coming weeks to attend to some dental issues for myself, and to help my sister who is not well. I will probably need 2 -3 dental appointments, and then perhaps one to two chunks of time off each week for the next X weeks to take my sister to medical appointments. I think that i should be able to schedule all of these appointments so I can tell you which blocks I'll need (rather than having this be last minute leave) and I will do whatever I can to find appointments outside my regular hours. I wanted to be really upfront with you about this because i really value this job and I expect this to be a temporary situation. If there is any way I can schedule the time I need in a way that is the least problematic for you I will absolutely do so. So I was hoping we could talk it through a bit. I want to assure you that none of this will impact my ability to do my job well while I am here, or my long term commitment to your family."

So what's important for your employer to hear is that this can be planned leave, that you'll minimize your time off as much as possible and that this is only for a short period.

With any luck your employer will have some flexibility to work with you and be supportive.

As someone who has people w/ serious mental illness in my family also, I would caution you to be sure that you don't jeopardize your job or well-being in service to your sister. What you're describing is not something that is likely to go away, be finite in nature, or be something you can fully support on your own. Please be sure to take care of yourself (which means maintaining solid, stable employment so you can sleep at night) throughout your sister's ordeal.

If this does become something where you need multiple chunks of time off during the day, for ongoing weeks or months, then you will probably face some tough choices. I would absolutely try to support our nanny for something like this for a finite period of time, but what is possible for me for a few weeks, or over the summer, would definitely not be sustainable on a long-term basis. So think that through before you make the ask, and keep it in mind if things don't settle down fairly quickly.

Good luck OP. It sounds like a tough time. I wish you and your family well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB. Here's what I would want to know/hope to hear:

"I need to talk to you about something. I anticipate needing a bit of time off in coming weeks to attend to some dental issues for myself, and to help my sister who is not well. I will probably need 2 -3 dental appointments, and then perhaps one to two chunks of time off each week for the next X weeks to take my sister to medical appointments. I think that i should be able to schedule all of these appointments so I can tell you which blocks I'll need (rather than having this be last minute leave) and I will do whatever I can to find appointments outside my regular hours. I wanted to be really upfront with you about this because i really value this job and I expect this to be a temporary situation. If there is any way I can schedule the time I need in a way that is the least problematic for you I will absolutely do so. So I was hoping we could talk it through a bit. I want to assure you that none of this will impact my ability to do my job well while I am here, or my long term commitment to your family."

So what's important for your employer to hear is that this can be planned leave, that you'll minimize your time off as much as possible and that this is only for a short period.

With any luck your employer will have some flexibility to work with you and be supportive.

As someone who has people w/ serious mental illness in my family also, I would caution you to be sure that you don't jeopardize your job or well-being in service to your sister. What you're describing is not something that is likely to go away, be finite in nature, or be something you can fully support on your own. Please be sure to take care of yourself (which means maintaining solid, stable employment so you can sleep at night) throughout your sister's ordeal.

If this does become something where you need multiple chunks of time off during the day, for ongoing weeks or months, then you will probably face some tough choices. I would absolutely try to support our nanny for something like this for a finite period of time, but what is possible for me for a few weeks, or over the summer, would definitely not be sustainable on a long-term basis. So think that through before you make the ask, and keep it in mind if things don't settle down fairly quickly.

Good luck OP. It sounds like a tough time. I wish you and your family well.

+1. Your goal should be to set up help for your sister so that you can back away from direct care.