When the mother is making the situation worse - VENT
![[Post New]](/nanny-forum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
As a nanny, I am very cognizant of the fact that the mother has the supreme right to handle situations with her child in whatever way she sees fit and I do respect that. My charge is not my child and I am hired to do the parent's wishes. However, it is difficult when you see a parent handling a situation that is making life harder on their own child.
I have one MB who talks at her child all day long. Now that he is a bit over two, when he has a tantrum she talks at him while he is screaming and, more often than not, gives him part or all of what he is tantruming about. Hence, he cries and tantrums more than I have ever seen a child do before. Kids throw tantrums because they work. You cannot say not to my charge about anything without getting a huge meltdown which I know cannot be pleasant for my charge. When I am alone with my charge, he is adorable, happy and so well behaved. He still hates to hear no (and I actually say the word "no" which his mother doesn't) but gets over it in a matter of seconds. I tell him that I understand he wanted _____ and explain once or twice why I cannot give it to him and then tell him it is okay to be upset about it but that that I am not going to change my mind. This works so well with him - he's a smart little guy and he knows it is futile to continue. The mother doesn't work so it is a particularly difficult for me because she is always around. While she is a lovely person generally, she is not open to my suggestions on how to handle her child's many, many meltdowns and tantrums. It is just hard... |
Anonymous
| If he is behaving with you then that is all you need to worry about. If Mom asks for your opinion, tell her (gently) what you have said here but otherwise, just carry on with what you are doing with the child. |
Anonymous
OP here - the difficulty is that the mother is generally always around. Yesterday, during a diaper change that I was requested to do, the mother and grandmother talked to the child while he threw a tantrum about getting his diaper changed and the child kicked me hard in the stomach. It is situations like that that I am really venting about. And she will not ask for my opinion but if she ever does, of course I will tell her gently. I think I need to leave this job... But thank you for responding, PP. |
Anonymous
| You already know what to do-- leave. |
Anonymous
|
I'm an MB. I think you should leave also OP, unfortunately.
I have one kid who is a nightmare tantrummer (I know that isn't a word, but it fits!). Your approach is absolutely right and her approach will guarantee a nightmare. But you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. Wish I could hire you - we'd get along! Good luck. I hope you can find something better. |
Anonymous
|
Yes OP, only one option exists here:
Leave. The Mother being around is only making your charge act out more. Plus her interference is actually compounding the issue tenfold. Since she is always home, she really doesn't need a Nanny anyway. Let her deal w/him on her own. |
Anonymous
Women like that will never deal with their children on their own. |
Anonymous
OP here and thank you. |
Anonymous
| I have a similar situation with my MB. She complains all the time that her child whines and then gives the child what she wants the second she starts whining. I have told her that the reason her DD whines is because it works but to no avail. |
Anonymous
| Dont work for work from home families. It is a lost cause. |
Anonymous
Huh? You mean don't work for parents who are at home all the time? |