Day 4 and I'm done.

[Anonymous]

Today is my 4th day at my new nanny job and I hate it so much. To start out with, I'm working 15-20 hours more per week than my previous job for significantly lower pay. (This is because I recently moved to a rural area with a much lower cost of living- the pay is actually great for the area I moved to, but still much lower than what I made before.) The work is also much more demanding- I was working with a super easy 1 year old who I really clicked with and now miss dearly, and I was very close with my MB. Now, I'm watching a 4 month old who is precious but very fussy and screams if I put him down, and a 2 year old who is really, really testing my limits. I've dealt with difficult toddlers before and I know that she's 2, so I can't expect her to be a perfect angel. But she is so difficult about everything, either shouts "NO" at me or just stares at me when I ask her to do something, does the opposite of everything I want her to, and throws tantrums about the most mundane things. Yesterday she slapped me in the face, hard, during a tantrum because she didn't want to get her poopy diaper changed. I am an experienced career nanny with 8+ years under my belt, but I am REALLY feeling defeated by this job.

My DB is playing the single dad role (mom is deployed for the next few months) and is hopeless. He has no idea how to discipline his toddler and reverts to bribing for everything. I didn't tell him that she slapped me because he seems so stressed out running the house by himself and I didn't want to make him feel bad. He is super nice and asks me often if there's anything he can do to make my job easier, but I don't know. I just didn't want to burden him with it when he has so much on his plate already. He chalks her recent bad behavior up to missing her mom, but he hasn't given me any signs of trying to work on it. DB was also VERY desperate for childcare when he ran into me. Their last two nannies fell through and he basically wanted to hire me without even meeting me first. I did end up meeting the family for a short visit before I started, but it was mostly to show me around the house and where everything was. I am pretty sure they didn't do any sort of background check on me, I do know they checked only one of my references, they just handed me over a nanny car without even asking about my driving record or how long I've been behind the wheel. DB told me just the bare bones basics and left me to figure out the rest on my own.

They have family coming to stay with them for the entire month of June, so they don't need me for that entire month. The job would pick back up in July and August, then they will be moving at the end of August. Should I look for something else and let them know in June that something has come up and I can't work for them for the remainder of the summer? I feel terrible, I know I'm really gonna be leaving them in a really tough spot. But I seriously can't take this job. All I've thought about today is how badly I don't want to be here. I come home from a 11 hour day and just want to fall into bed. I really didn't want to spend my summer stressed, exhausted and depressed. I am not sure if I'm just burnt out from nannying or if this family just isn't the right fit. What would you do in this situation?

[Anonymous]

I would leave. This family sounds very chaotic.
There has surely got to be a better job out there.

[Anonymous]

ANY child slapping you in the face is a clear indication of a severely disfunctional situation. Get a new job ASAP.

[Anonymous]

I fully understand how you didn't want to burden your DB, however you should have informed him of his child slapping you directly in your face as this is completely unacceptable on so many levels.

It sounds like he hired you in a desperate fashion as no one else is willing to care for these two challenging children.
I bet the other two Nannies simply quit.

You need to definitely look for another position OP.
This is a really difficult situation.

It would also be helpful to your DB if you are completely honest about your reason for leaving.

That may give him a bit of insight into why he cannot sustain a Nanny.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I encourage you to honestly communicate your concerns and see if you and DB can work through it together. It won't be easy but it will pay off more in the end. Just my opinion. Not that it's your issue but for them to keep switching up nannies won't do anything but make it work. Maybe you can be the one to help them through a hard time. And also ask for guaranteed hours and a contract.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP - that sound awful. Sometimes you just don't click. But please tell the father what is going on. You can be honest - 100% honest - since you are giving your notice.

Sounds like the two year old is acting out because of missing her mother. Try to be compassionate. Still leave, of course, but show the child the very best of your compassion and patience until then.

[Anonymous]

They already know their family is a big mess.

[Anonymous]

You are 4 days in with a 2 year old whose mother is gone. Her behavior is perfectly within the range of normal; your interpretation, however, is not. Yes quit, because this family deserves so much more

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP, I can see why you're so worn out and frustrated. I'm two years into a job that started out pretty rough too. (Though not as bad as you're describing, and both parents live at home though the dad works very long hours and doesn't see the kids 4 days a week plus every fifth weekend.) Anyway, there were definitely days I felt like I was drowning.

The kids were 9 mo old twins and a 2.5 yr old when I started. The older kid screams really high pitched ear piercing screams when she doesn't get her way. Now, both girls do, but I shut it down by putting warning them and then sending them to their room. I have zero tolerance for screeching or squealing noises. They're almost 3 and 5 now and all three are pretty defiant....you say blue, they say red, you say stop and they scatter like rats, they hit each other, get out of time out to kick the other etc. There are days when we just exist.

But...they're getting older, and somewhat better at listening. We can actually go on outings w/o a stroller or backpack leash sometimes. I think one of the biggest ways you can help yourself and the older child is consistency. Consistent time out for hitting or screaming. Put her in her room and walk away if you need to. Don't give tantrums an audience. Get up and leave the room. When she cooperates praise the heck out of it. Do what you can to wear her out...run up and down the sidewalk, park, walk to the park and home again, whatever you can. Sometimes kids are assholes because they're not eating right or getting enough sleep. Make sure she sleeps enough.

For the baby screaming when you put him down, try a bjorn so you're at least hands free. When he gets a tad older, sleep train. Put him in his crib and walk away. Most likely he'll stop crying before long. if you need to deal with the toddler and can't while holding baby, put him in his crib and walk away, even now. Nothing bad will happen because you put him down to deal with his sister even if dealing w/ her is just giving her some extra snuggles or attention. She's going through a lot...new baby that takes away most of her attention, parents gone most of the time w/ mom gone all the time etc. That's rough on anyone, but imaging being a tiny little toddler with no life experience or understanding that life changed but will change back eventually and then it might be easier to understand and empathize with her behavior.

See if you can give it a little more time. I know you're exhausted. BTDT. I know you're frustrated. BTDT too. But if you can help this child you'll be giving both of you a gift...her the gift of love and consistency, something that will impact relationships with others for the rest of her life, and you because you will know you stuck with something that was hard and learned how to face a challenge and overcome it.

Did you become a nanny to collect a paycheck because you thought it would be easy money, or did you become a nanny to make a difference in the life of a child? Now is the time to decide.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to say quit, even though I agree that with mom gone, a new baby, and a new nanny, the 2-year-old's behavior strikes me as normal.

I say quit because they aren't going to give you the time to build trust and consistency, and then.they're leaving, so even if things do settle down, you won't get to enjoy it and will need a new job anyway.

I feel terrible for these kids. They need consistency, and that isn't going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are 4 days in with a 2 year old whose mother is gone. Her behavior is perfectly within the range of normal; your interpretation, however, is not. Yes quit, because this family deserves so much more

Just another clueless + ignorant response.



OP, do not listen to this person please.

[Anonymous]

Yea it sounds like being a nanny is not the job for you. Sometimes you get lucky and find that one year old (that you must not have worked with very long if hes only 1!) that requires little work and allows you to text and youtube while on the job but other times you actually have to work. I suggest you go with your gut instinct and find a new line of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea it sounds like being a nanny is not the job for you. Sometimes you get lucky and find that one year old (that you must not have worked with very long if hes only 1!) that requires little work and allows you to text and youtube while on the job but other times you actually have to work. I suggest you go with your gut instinct and find a new line of work.

+1. Have you ever cared for multiple kids before? Needy infant and misbehaving 2 year old is a difficult but normal stage. Taking care of one easy kid is something anyone can do. A good caregiver can handle the tough kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are 4 days in with a 2 year old whose mother is gone. Her behavior is perfectly within the range of normal; your interpretation, however, is not. Yes quit, because this family deserves so much more

Just another clueless + ignorant response.



OP, do not listen to this person please.

Clueless? Please elaborate? (Also ignorant doesn't mean what you think it does )

[Anonymous]

OP here. Here's an update: I stuck it out to the end of the week, but don't think I'll be returning Monday. They docked my pay $100 after I took a sick day on Thursday. I had food poisoning. AFTER I was told in my interview, in these words, "your rate of $xxx will be a flat weekly rate. We understand things happen and you may get sick, but we wouldn't penalize you for that."

DB wrote my check Friday, gave it to me and...
DB: "is this right?"
Me: "No actually, MB and I had agreed on $xxx flat rate per week. This is $100 less than that."
DB: "Oh. I texted her to ask how much to pay you and she said this much."
Me: "Do you think maybe she took some money off for the sick day I took yesterday? I was told I wouldn't be penalized for sick days."
DB: "Hmm, I don't know. That's probably what she did."

After that, he didn't seem interested in the conversation anymore though I reiterated the rate we had agreed upon a few more times. He was already 40 minutes late getting home (after telling me he'd be early on Fridays) and I was in a hurry so I just left.

Here's my thing: if she really wanted to not pay me for the day I was sick, wouldn't any normal person divide my weekly rate by 5, and subtract that much? That wasn't the case. She just took a random $100 off, which makes me think she just wanted to pay me less. I'm upset that I had food poisoning, which is bad enough as it is, and then was jipped $100 of my pay after being told I'd be getting a weekly flat rate. I depend on every dollar of my pay for my bills and expenses. Now I will have to decide if I want to make my car payment or buy groceries for my home this week.

What would you do? Right now, I'm past the point of "talking to them". Half of me just doesn't want to show up on Monday. I'm hurt, annoyed and pissed. But part of me still feels a twinge of guilt because they were so desperate for childcare and I know I will be really putting them in a tough position if I cut ties. Help??