Want to quit my job but worried about my son losing his nanny

[Anonymous]

Son is 1. right now I work full time and I'm coming to the conclusion I want to stay home instead. I feel like I'm missing out on too much and it's too hard to connect with my son on the limited time we have together on frantic weekdays. It would be ok financially. But my son has an amazing nanny, they love each other and I worry that I would be hurting him more by letting her go than I would be benefiting him by staying home. I am not even sure what I'm looking for by posting this but any feedback appreciated. I guess I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't. If we let the nanny go, I'd love her to stay in his life but I don't know how feasible it is since she'd need to get another full time job.

[Anonymous]

Can she be your regular baby sitter? Maybe you could have her come for a regular date night, just to keep in touch.
I'm a nanny, and after my little charge went to school, I was their Friday night sitter- for the next nine years!

[Anonymous]

He's one. He'll forget her completely. That's fine.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. This is a really sweet post! If you want to stay home, you should do it. I think your LO would love it. This actually happened with the last family I worked for...mom decided to stay home. While it was a bummer that I had to find a new job and leave the kiddos, I was happy for them! I still babysit occasionally and stop by to deliver birthday presents!

This family gave me over a months notice, a large bonus, and a great reference.

[Anonymous]

Find a regular scheduled way to keep the nanny in his life. It is important that the shift be gradual and she doesn't "abandon" him completely.

Stay on fantastic terms with this nanny because staying at home is really, really hard and lonely. Your relationship with your husband will change (for the better or worse - but it will change) and you may feel less-than in th eyes of your work friends. You might want to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a regular scheduled way to keep the nanny in his life. It is important that the shift be gradual and she doesn't "abandon" him completely.

Stay on fantastic terms with this nanny because staying at home is really, really hard and lonely. Your relationship with your husband will change (for the better or worse - but it will change) and you may feel less-than in th eyes of your work friends. You might want to go back to work.

None of what you said makes any sense. A one year old will easily forget a beloved caregiver, sad, but true. And especially in this case where the one year old will be going from nanny to mom, it truly is a non-issue. As to staying on fantastic terms with the nanny, sure, but not for the reasons you mentioned. You think the nanny is going to wait in the wings, unemployed, to see if mom changes her mind and goes back to work? You sound like an idiot.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the perspectives. I fully anticipate that staying home would be in many ways harder than working, which is part of why I haven't pulled the trigger until now... but it just doesn't feel worth it anymore. I do like my job a lot too and If they offer me part time when I quit, I would take it and just pay the nanny full time to keep her even if we don't need her full time, but that's a bit of a pipe dream. I know he wouldn't remember the nanny in the long term but I don't want the separation to traumatize him (that's sounding a little dramatic now when I write it)!

[Anonymous]

You sound like a wonderful MB. Not sure what advice to give but I am glad there are moms out there like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a regular scheduled way to keep the nanny in his life. It is important that the shift be gradual and she doesn't "abandon" him completely.

Stay on fantastic terms with this nanny because staying at home is really, really hard and lonely. Your relationship with your husband will change (for the better or worse - but it will change) and you may feel less-than in th eyes of your work friends. You might want to go back to work.

None of what you said makes any sense. A one year old will easily forget a beloved caregiver, sad, but true. And especially in this case where the one year old will be going from nanny to mom, it truly is a non-issue. As to staying on fantastic terms with the nanny, sure, but not for the reasons you mentioned. You think the nanny is going to wait in the wings, unemployed, to see if mom changes her mind and goes back to work? You sound like an idiot.

Yes, the nanny will easily be forgotten but the loss and abandonment will imprint his psyche. There have been studies on this, PP. Please look them up. The fact that he will not remember specifics about anything is irrelevant. A bond is an bond. I am a child psychologist as well as a mother of three.

And please stop embarrassing yourself with comments like "You sound like an idiot".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a regular scheduled way to keep the nanny in his life. It is important that the shift be gradual and she doesn't "abandon" him completely.

Stay on fantastic terms with this nanny because staying at home is really, really hard and lonely. Your relationship with your husband will change (for the better or worse - but it will change) and you may feel less-than in th eyes of your work friends. You might want to go back to work.

None of what you said makes any sense. A one year old will easily forget a beloved caregiver, sad, but true. And especially in this case where the one year old will be going from nanny to mom, it truly is a non-issue. As to staying on fantastic terms with the nanny, sure, but not for the reasons you mentioned. You think the nanny is going to wait in the wings, unemployed, to see if mom changes her mind and goes back to work? You sound like an idiot.

Yes, the nanny will easily be forgotten but the loss and abandonment will imprint his psyche. There have been studies on this, PP. Please look them up. The fact that he will not remember specifics about anything is irrelevant. A bond is an bond. I am a child psychologist as well as a mother of three.

And please stop embarrassing yourself with comments like "You sound like an idiot".

I'm pretty sure a few weeks of overlap would solve this problem. The baby hasn't been with the nanny exclusively, and mom is not a brand new stranger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a regular scheduled way to keep the nanny in his life. It is important that the shift be gradual and she doesn't "abandon" him completely.

Stay on fantastic terms with this nanny because staying at home is really, really hard and lonely. Your relationship with your husband will change (for the better or worse - but it will change) and you may feel less-than in th eyes of your work friends. You might want to go back to work.

None of what you said makes any sense. A one year old will easily forget a beloved caregiver, sad, but true. And especially in this case where the one year old will be going from nanny to mom, it truly is a non-issue. As to staying on fantastic terms with the nanny, sure, but not for the reasons you mentioned. You think the nanny is going to wait in the wings, unemployed, to see if mom changes her mind and goes back to work? You sound like an idiot.

Yes, the nanny will easily be forgotten but the loss and abandonment will imprint his psyche. There have been studies on this, PP. Please look them up. The fact that he will not remember specifics about anything is irrelevant. A bond is an bond. I am a child psychologist as well as a mother of three.

And please stop embarrassing yourself with comments like "You sound like an idiot".

I'm pretty sure a few weeks of overlap would solve this problem. The baby hasn't been with the nanny exclusively, and mom is not a brand new stranger.

I would keep the nanny in his life if possible, too. Nannies are not substitute mothers - the nanny's bond with a child is very different but love is love. The baby feels love and security from this woman. If possible, honor that relationship, OP. It is the first bonded relationship most babies have outside the family but not the last.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're overthinking. Your son will be fine with a transition such as you're describing. You're pondering different variations of which loving people surround him every day. There are no negatives here (except for the nanny who needs to find a new job of course.) But there are ways you can stay in touch w/ the nanny, and there will be other people who love your son over the years.

There's only one you, and there is no substitute for you so you certainly don't need to worry if you make a choice that results in your son having more time w/ you. (Nor do you need to worry if you stay working, or go part-time.)

Do what is best for you. The best, happiest, most fulfilled mom is what is best for the child.

[Anonymous]

I would ideally try to get part-time hours if at all possible.
Or look for another job w/part-time hours.

However if you choose to SAH, then you can still keep your son's Nanny in his life by using her occasionally during the week when you need the extra set of hands and/or by using her as a "date night" babysitter on weekends.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

To OP: I have had similar thoughts, but mostly worried about losing nanny! What if I stay home for 3-6 months then decide to go back full-time, nanny would have a new job and I'd be stuck finding another one who may not be as good or love my DD as much. Too scared to lose my nanny to quit! Haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a regular scheduled way to keep the nanny in his life. It is important that the shift be gradual and she doesn't "abandon" him completely.

Stay on fantastic terms with this nanny because staying at home is really, really hard and lonely. Your relationship with your husband will change (for the better or worse - but it will change) and you may feel less-than in th eyes of your work friends. You might want to go back to work.

None of what you said makes any sense. A one year old will easily forget a beloved caregiver, sad, but true. And especially in this case where the one year old will be going from nanny to mom, it truly is a non-issue. As to staying on fantastic terms with the nanny, sure, but not for the reasons you mentioned. You think the nanny is going to wait in the wings, unemployed, to see if mom changes her mind and goes back to work? You sound like an idiot.

Yes, the nanny will easily be forgotten but the loss and abandonment will imprint his psyche. There have been studies on this, PP. Please look them up. The fact that he will not remember specifics about anything is irrelevant. A bond is an bond. I am a child psychologist as well as a mother of three.

And please stop embarrassing yourself with comments like "You sound like an idiot".

I would like to know what exactly these studies looked at, please send links. I don't doubt that an infant can feel abandonment, but I'm guessing these studies didn't involve a mother returning home to her child while the nanny gradually transitions out. The PP implied (see bolded text) that the infant will experience some irreversible trauma if the nanny is no longer in the picture, which I strongly do not believe would happen if the MB takes pains to make the transition gentle. As if this MB does not have enough to worry about, the PP is just adding to the guilt and worry load with unwarranted claims. Hence why I called BS.