Nanny upset she didn't get a snow day
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Anonymous
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I am the OP here:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/332756.page As an update to my prior thread, it turned out that the subway our nanny takes would be running as usual so we agreed that she would come in unless this turned out not to be the case. Around 12:30pm today (on Tuesdays, she starts work at 2), she texted me that she would not be coming because she doesn't have snowboots and didn't feel comfortable walking to the subway station. I texted back right away asking for her address & subway station so I could call an Uber for her and that I would pay. (I did not offer the Uber to our home because I felt below ground is safer and more reliable.) At 1:30, she texted me a chipper-sounding "It's okay! Don't worry about me! I'll figure out how to get there!" I responded right away reiterating I would call an Uber, give me your address & subway station. I didn't hear back from her and apparently, she was already on her way. After she arrived, I thanked her for coming in, but could see she was upset. Bottom line is she told me that none of her nanny friends had to go to work today because "their employers all told them the conditions were not safe," in other words, I'm a bad employer for making her traverse unsafe conditions. I understand her wanting to stay home on a day like this, but disagree with her assessment. First of all, I offered the Uber so she wouldn't have to walk to the subway. The rest of her commute was safe - the subway and very short walk to our home in light snow. Most people are dealing with a public transportation shutdown on their route and would need to hire a car for their whole commute. I can see how a nanny employer would tell their nanny "oh it's not safe! you stay home" when in fact they don't want to pay for a car. I did see a few nannies roll up in an Uber this morning. Also, I talked to a few people working in our neighborhood and they were like, our subway line is running so no big deal getting to work, which is our nanny's situation. Anyway, I didn't say all of the above, just that I would not expect her to come to work in unsafe conditions and that was the purpose of the Uber, to make her commute safe. Despite this, she still seemed upset and frankly, I am upset now, too, because I think I did the right thing, but apparently, it was not good enough for her. She also spoke to me rudely; during the conversation, she snapped "I don't want to talk about this" and changed the subject. That's how you talk to a friend, not your employer. This is not the first time she's been rude to me; she's an emotional person and tends to talk back when she gets upset. Is it worth a second conversation? Or should I leave well enough alone? And this is an aside, but it's almost the end of winter, this is not our first snowstorm. Why the hell doesn't she have snowboots? They're $15 on Amazon...!! |
Anonymous
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How long is the walk to your house after she gets off the subway?
Perhaps going home it will be darker + colder and she doesn't want to freeze. |
Anonymous
OP here. I'm planning to get her a car for the ride home. I doubt she was thinking that far ahead. She was just pissed that she had to come in to work on such a shitty day that most people get off. |
Anonymous
| Our nanny came in. I walked to my work. It was perfectly safe out there, you just couldn't walk in your summer flats. But since DC gets snow regularly, I would hope she could get a pair of boots. |
Anonymous
We're in NYC, not DC. It was snowing hard very early this morning, but by the afternoon when nanny had to leave for work, it was lightly snowing. Nanny is originally from South America and last winter she was a live-in nanny so this is her first winter as a live-out. If it were the beginning of winter, or our first snow, I would be much more understanding. But it's mid-March for goodness' sake and we've had several snowfalls, including one major snowstorm last month, already! Her entitled attitude bothers me. I told her, look, plenty of people went to work today and she responded "You know I'm from South America! This snow is a big deal to me!" She's in her early 30s, by the way, not a less adaptable older age. And she actually thinks her lack of snow boots is an excuse for not coming to work. I moved to NY/CT over 20 years ago and didn't get my first pair of snow boots until last year. I just don't know how to get through to her and get the creeping feeling that I can't. She often doesn't own up to her mistakes and tries to put the onus on me. These incidents happen every few weeks, so often enough to be annoying, but not so often that I'm itching to fire her a**. |
Anonymous
OP, you know this is the long and short of it. She thought she was going to get an extra day off, some of her friends did, and she's mad she didn't. We've all been there. Only you know if this is a rude response too far, or if it's best to just let it go. |
Anonymous
| Why would you keep a nanny around who gives you attitude like that? Remember the Krimm's and the nanny who gave them attitude? I wouldn't keep her around. I get that she's unhappy she had to work, and it's OK to be unhappy, but she should have gotten over it before walking in your door. |
Anonymous
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OP- did you have to go into work today?
If so, she really shouldn't be mad. If you stayed home from work, she is entitled to be mad. Most of my work colleagues in NYC stayed home from work today- it was pretty bad. |
Anonymous
| It also sounds like she didn't want to give you her address for some reason. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing (maybe she was staying at someone's house, maybe she values her privacy a lot, who knows), but that was how I read the situation. |
Anonymous
| I would start looking for a new nanny OP. Seriously. Find someone who is happy to have the job and who is a better fit with your family. |
Anonymous
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This is OP. Our DC will be attending preschool this fall and we will need to cut hours/change nanny's schedule then. Anyone we were to hire right now probably would last for only the next six months, anyway. Likewise, our current nanny very well may quit then unless we find an acceptable situation where she splits hours between us and another family.
I am WAH. Just because I WAH, I don't think that means I should have to give nanny a snow day. Maybe some people would disagree with me. I believe part of the attitude problem with current nanny stems from the fact I am home and she thinks I can/should pick up some of her slack on the margin. Like it's no big deal for her to come to work a little late or leave a little early. In my experience, I unfortunately should expect this kind of attitude so long as I'm WAH although I do think that hers is on the worse end of the spectrum. |
Anonymous
| I am an MB and I would have given her the day off. That said, she should not be taking advantage of you WAH with regard to her workday hours. With only six more months to go, I would probably put up with her until then. |
Anonymous
| I screened pretty heavily for the WAH bias. I promised to give them autonomy, and in return, I expected to be left to my work. It's important to find a good match. |
Anonymous
| Why do not already have your Nanny's address? That seems weird that you wouldn't get it when you hired her. You are her employer, you need it. |
Anonymous
The only way OP wouldn't have it is if nanny is paid under the table. Pay legally, then you'll have my sympathy. |