Nanny share with nanny's child

[Anonymous]

What do you think about nanny shares with the nanny's child being the second child? I've seen a few posts like this that fit my family's needs and I wonder if my child would always take second seat to the nanny's child. Of course, I would hope that the nanny is a professional, but it seems only natural that she would favor her own child. I just don't know if it would be to an extent that would prevent the share from working successfully.

Does anyone have experience with this? Any pros or cons you can share?

[Anonymous]

That's not a nanny share and many nannies in that situation will want to be paid close to full rate or full rate so a share may be better in that situation. I'd be concerned her child's needs come first over yours. Also, whose providing the extra equipment, food, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's not a nanny share and many nannies in that situation will want to be paid close to full rate or full rate so a share may be better in that situation. I'd be concerned her child's needs come first over yours. Also, whose providing the extra equipment, food, etc.

Most recent post I saw about this said "She is looking for a family open to a share-type situation, as she will want to bring her sweet baby boy (currently 8 months old) with her." so it's described as a "share-type situation." I would assume she would bring her child's supplies just like any other nanny share family. However, I haven't reached out about details or pricing yet because I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Rest of the post was a glowing endorsement from her current boss who is transitioning her kids to daycare.

[Anonymous]

Any mother is going to put her child's needs above any other child. It is human nature. Don't do it, OP. It is unfair to your baby to start life as second best.

[Anonymous]

I have three personal experiences with this.
A. My kid was 2.5 and we tried a nanny who brought a 6 yr old. (In my home.) Nanny quit after 3 months. She ran around town running errands and living her own life with my kid tagging along. She was upset that my kid freaked out on a coffee and shopping trip she went on with her friend when nanny asked her friend to hold my kid so she could fix her own 6 yr olds seat belt. My kid apparently didn't calm down for 10 min. If she hadn't quit I'd have fired her for that.
B. Next nanny had an 18 month old, also my home. This nanny's child made an absolute mess in my kitchen. Sticky fingerprints everywhere. The nanny may have cleaned up her kid but not my high chair, walls, floor, etc. After 2 months she quit saying my 2.5 year old was bullying her child.
C. Current nanny going on 5 years. Wonderful. I now have 2 kids and her kid is a year older than my eldest. They are bffs. The downside is my younger kid gets dragged around town for an hour every day to pick her kid up from school. All in all it has been a harmonious arrangement for both of us. I can't believe I took a 3rd chance but it has worked out great. Note that my nanny expects full pay even though she technically brings baggage to the job (her sweet kid is not actual baggage - I just mean that I don't have full control of the day like I would otherwise. Her child is a factor in the schedule.) After our negative childcare experiences, we gladly pay full freight.

[Anonymous]

I am in a nanny share with 1 other family with a 16 month old and my nanny who has a 20 month old. My DS is 18 months. It has been a great experience. I too worried about whether my son would get enough attention, but it's been great. They are all in the same toddler age range and phases in physical ability and development.

[Anonymous]

I recommend against it. I am a nanny myself. I have worked with several families in my career who told me their previous nanny brought her own child and it did not go well. In one case, neighbors observed the nanny at a playground engaging her own child while ignoring her charge completely (literally telling her charge to "play over there, we are playing here now" even when the child, a toddler, was crying). In another case, the nanny family's child kept getting bruises, and nanny kept saying "she fell." MB installed cameras and soon found out it was the nanny's child who kept hitting and pushing the charge (who was only a couple months older than the nanny family's child, but was physically a lot bigger than her).

I have also personally observed nannies in play groups and at parks who bring their own child as well. And I do notice that even the best of them, maybe unwittingly, favor their own child. Things like, for example, if the nanny sees both kids arguing over the same toy, I've seen the nanny give it to her own child first and tell her charge to wait her turn (even when it's unclear who had it first, or in at least one instance I'm pretty sure the charge had it first); I've never seen that happen the other way around (giving to charge first). Or just spending a little more time directly engaging with their own child instead of their charge. Little things, maybe, but ultimately less than ideal for someone who is being paid good money to care for your child.

I agree that it is possible to find a nanny who is so professional that she is able to overcome any natural maternal bias when it comes to caring for other children alongside her own, but in my personal experience that seems to be the exception. IMO, you are MUCH better off finding another family to nanny share with and then finding a nanny without her own child in tow.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny who brought own child to work. Never favoured my child because it is mine. Have been with the same family for 4 years now and our kiddos are great friends.

[Anonymous]

I just quit the gig 20 hours nanny share with my 2 years old son. The bb I was watching is 8 months I bought everything that I need for my son. I only charge $11 h. I spent so much money in gas. The BM is a total jerk she doesn't even have the gadget for child care. She acted like she was entitle.she just wants child care for very low cost..That lady asked me to watch her older child for free on no school days. She is so abusive Manipulative ashore.

[Anonymous]

We had success with our first DC and a kind, veteran nanny who brought her similarly aged baby. Found her right here on DCUM. It was perfect! The two girls even shared the same first name and a sweet sisterly bond. This caregiver though was both an experienced nanny and mom to two, so perhaps that factored into why it went so well. The arrangement ended when our eldest went to daycare/preschool and the nanny needed full time hours.

Years later, we now have a similar setup with an afterschool sitter that's meh. She brings her similarly aged DC to pick up our two kids from school. They play at our house or go to activities. Kids largely get along quite well. But the sitter is largely inattentive, texts and talks on the phone while the kids rip through the house making a mess. She struggles with juggling it all and often loses items. She is the mom of one and not an experienced caregiver and I think that's part of the difference.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny who brings my child to work. I think if anything being a mom now has made me a better nanny. I take my job more serious. I'm not on my phone or worried about things I was in my 20s. I have observed LOTS nannies who are constantly on their phones or basically ignoring kids. It's so sad. I love singing and doing educational activities with my charge and my son. I'm more enthusiastic for some reason. I don't think I was a bad nanny before. Things change though for most women once they have children. You naturally worry more. I'm so much happier now that I have a child and it shows in my work. I don't think one is better than the other though. You can't generalise this sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any mother is going to put her child's needs above any other child. It is human nature. Don't do it, OP. It is unfair to your baby to start life as second best.

What does this even mean? You don't think daycare providers have favorites?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any mother is going to put her child's needs above any other child. It is human nature. Don't do it, OP. It is unfair to your baby to start life as second best.

What does this even mean? You don't think daycare providers have favorites?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any mother is going to put her child's needs above any other child. It is human nature. Don't do it, OP. It is unfair to your baby to start life as second best.

What does this even mean? You don't think daycare providers have favorites?

They do, but there are lots of kids and multiple providers, so it averages out. If there was only one provider, and 2 kids, it would be really obvious to the kid that he is second best. Your child may or may not care, but if the house catches on fire, you better hope nanny has time to grab TWO children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any mother is going to put her child's needs above any other child. It is human nature. Don't do it, OP. It is unfair to your baby to start life as second best.

What does this even mean? You don't think daycare providers have favorites?

They do, but there are lots of kids and multiple providers, so it averages out. If there was only one provider, and 2 kids, it would be really obvious to the kid that he is second best. Your child may or may not care, but if the house catches on fire, you better hope nanny has time to grab TWO children.

Good lord you women are selfish and crazy. Even in a regular share, nanny will have a favorite, and hint, it's usually the easier kid with parents who aren't selfish a-holes.

Yes a nanny is going to love her own child, but she cannot care for your child from infancy and not grow attached to them as well. Be real people. How many people do you know, who care about kids, and choose a kid focussed career could neglect a child in actual need? Your child will not go hungry, be informed, or less loved because nanny brings her kid. Should none of you be allowed to have play dates, watch friends kids, or nieces/nephews because you have kids and will therefore neglect the other child? Get over yourselves.