Not allowed to leave house with kids!

[Anonymous]

Hello!
I'm an au pair living in NY, about 40 minutes north of NYC. I was living with a family in Atlanta for the past year who were amazing but I wanted to experience NYC (as close as I could)
Anyway, I've been with this new family for a few weeks and a lot is different to when we skyped.
Kids are two and four, im not allowed to leave the house with them at all because my host parents say not even they can look after both kids at the same time alone. I am only allowed to walk to 4yos pre school and straight back. I work 11 hours three days a week and make up the other 45 hours on the other two days. I just feel so sorry for the kids not even being allowed to go to the park or library down the road. Everything is in walking distance so wouldn't even need to worry about driving! Just going a little stir crazy here and regretting my decision to move. Is there anything I can say to my host parents? Or would it be best to just suck it up for the next year? Just so used to taking my old host kids to the zoo or aquarium or on picnics or the science museum to get them out the house.
Also how much cleaning do you expect your au pair to do? I understand cleaning the kids toys and bedrooms ect but when kids are napping I'm expected to clean out the fridge/cupboards in the kitchen, sweep inside and outside and a bunch of other chores. I don't mind helping around the house but working 11 hours without even half an hour to re group myself while kids are sleeping is so tiring haha.
Sorry if that sounds entitled I really would just like to know what other host families expect of their au pairs! Thanks.

[Anonymous]

You should not be cleaning the fridge and cupboards.

I would rematch if you are not allowed to take the kids anywhere. Did they originally say they are ok with you taking the kids out?

[Anonymous]

I would rematch. When is your year up? Cut losses early.

The biggest mistake AuPairs make is they choose location first and then whatever family drags along with that location. You sound reasonable and sound like you would have a great reference from the Atlanta family.

And the cleaning thing? NOPE. Our AP does some very basic chores like help load and unlaod the dishwasher, vaccuum the basement (where his room is), and put the kids clothes away, as I wash them myself and sort them.

[Anonymous]

It is against the rules for you to work more than 10 hours in a single day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is against the rules for you to work more than 10 hours in a single day.

Yup. This family SUCKS. Breaking rules making her clean the house. I wonder if she even gets any full weekends off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would rematch. When is your year up? Cut losses early.

The biggest mistake AuPairs make is they choose location first and then whatever family drags along with that location. You sound reasonable and sound like you would have a great reference from the Atlanta family.

And the cleaning thing? NOPE. Our AP does some very basic chores like help load and unlaod the dishwasher, vaccuum the basement (where his room is), and put the kids clothes away, as I wash them myself and sort them.

This PP has it right. Rematch. And stop putting location first!!

[Anonymous]

Lesson learned- you should have stayed with your family in Atlanta.
I'm always skeptical of rematch AuPairs who are in their 2nd year with a new family. They always seem to be looking for something better than they have. I'm not willing to take the chance.

Are you really working 11 hours straight? If so, tell family 10 hrs is the max.
or do you have a break in the day. If you aren't allowed to watch both kids at once, does that mean a parent is home?

Are you cleaning out the entire fridge, or just throwing out some old food from last week? My last AP was very messy and spilled thing in our fridge and pantry daily without wiping up, so I told her to wipe the shelves once a week.

Sweeping up kids crumbs and dirt from shoes is part of the job. It should only take 10 minutes. Washing and scrubbing full floors is not.

Your job is to keep the house tidy enough after the kids, so that the parents don't have to spend all evening cleaning up their and your mess from the day. Are you doing that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lesson learned- you should have stayed with your family in Atlanta.
I'm always skeptical of rematch AuPairs who are in their 2nd year with a new family. They always seem to be looking for something better than they have. I'm not willing to take the chance.

Are you really working 11 hours straight? If so, tell family 10 hrs is the max.
or do you have a break in the day. If you aren't allowed to watch both kids at once, does that mean a parent is home?

Are you cleaning out the entire fridge, or just throwing out some old food from last week? My last AP was very messy and spilled thing in our fridge and pantry daily without wiping up, so I told her to wipe the shelves once a week.

Sweeping up kids crumbs and dirt from shoes is part of the job. It should only take 10 minutes. Washing and scrubbing full floors is not.

Your job is to keep the house tidy enough after the kids, so that the parents don't have to spend all evening cleaning up their and your mess from the day. Are you doing that?

If the parents are not sweeping up after themselves, then they suck. I require that our AP clean up after the kids. However, each night I clean the common space and that includes sweeping the floors. We have a dog, so I leave the AuPair with a PRISTINE family room and kitchen at the start of each day. She returns it nearly in the same condition, but since I clean up when the kids are sleeping she cannot possibly return the house in the same condition when I return home from work.

I think it is super shitty to have a higher standard for cleanliness with your AuPair than you do for yourselves and I'd bet that most HFs are pigs.

[Anonymous]

I just really have to disagree with the constant chastising of au pairs for choosing based on location first and families second. I get that HPs want to feel like their family has been chosen/that there's a special bond/whatever.

I am an American au pair living in Paris in my second year with a great family. I'm lived by myself in NYC for four years before doing this, so I chose based on two criteria: an independent studio (common for au pairs here) and being in central Paris, as opposed to the surburbs. In between two families, I chose the one within city limits. Paris was my freaking DREAAAAM and while I was lucky enough to stumble upon people I consider like real family now, the beginning is always rough.

Every single time I looked out my window and saw the Eiffel Tower or walked five minutes to the coolest neighborhoods or ducked into the Louvre with a couple free hours, I was reminded WHY i was doing this and you'd better believe you never saw an au pair more motivated to grab some childcare books from the library and figure XYZ problem the F out, because these people were enabling me live my dream.

APs are people with goals, dreams, and ambitions. It's OKAY if their entire reason to come to the US is not YOUR family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just really have to disagree with the constant chastising of au pairs for choosing based on location first and families second. I get that HPs want to feel like their family has been chosen/that there's a special bond/whatever.

I am an American au pair living in Paris in my second year with a great family. I'm lived by myself in NYC for four years before doing this, so I chose based on two criteria: an independent studio (common for au pairs here) and being in central Paris, as opposed to the surburbs. In between two families, I chose the one within city limits. Paris was my freaking DREAAAAM and while I was lucky enough to stumble upon people I consider like real family now, the beginning is always rough.

Every single time I looked out my window and saw the Eiffel Tower or walked five minutes to the coolest neighborhoods or ducked into the Louvre with a couple free hours, I was reminded WHY i was doing this and you'd better believe you never saw an au pair more motivated to grab some childcare books from the library and figure XYZ problem the F out, because these people were enabling me live my dream.

APs are people with goals, dreams, and ambitions. It's OKAY if their entire reason to come to the US is not YOUR family.

Yes, those dream positions exist. I think the point PPs are making is that some people are willing to let go of important criteria in order to be in their dream location. If you didn't compromise on all your criteria and found a great family, then that's really a success story on all fronts. But I am afraid that is not necessarily the typical fairy tale.

[Anonymous]

Rematch. The family wants a slave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd bet that most HFs are pigs.

I'd bet you're a total troll.

[Anonymous]

To the OP, contact your LCC or AD, have a meeting with her and your HF regarding your concerns, and prepare yourself for a possible rematch. Moving in with a new HF will take an adjustment, especially after having a positive AP year under your belt. If rules are being broken, then either your HF are newbies and need clarification from the LCC/AD, or they will habitually break rules and have unhappy APs who want to rematch.
The other topic about choosing family over location is irrelevant in this case- this AP chose to extend and try a different geographical location for his/her second year. Often times APs don't choose to stay a second year because they need to go back to school, or too many of their friends have gone home and, after a year here, they aren't bonding with the incoming wave of green APs. Extensions with the same family often end badly, no matter how great the first year.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would go straight to rematch. They are violating like 20 different rules. I am so sympathetic to au pairs whose families won't let them leave the house with the kids (and your case is a particularly extreme one). Even when DS was an infant, we encourage our au pair to go our every day, have "play dates", etc, because we cared about her sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would go straight to rematch. They are violating like 20 different rules. I am so sympathetic to au pairs whose families won't let them leave the house with the kids (and your case is a particularly extreme one). Even when DS was an infant, we encourage our au pair to go our every day, have "play dates", etc, because we cared about her sanity.

It has always been a requirement to get out of the house with the kids daily. It is not good for kids to be cooped up in the house, even if they go to preschool. it is important that they have rich and varied experiences.