MBs - would you keep this nanny?

[Anonymous]

We have a pretty new nanny who has been with us several months and issues keep coming up. She does address them (eventually), but I am getting tired of having to deal with them and feel like new issues are always popping up. Past issues -

Multiple absences (she was dealing with a personal issue, which has since been resolved)
Forgetfulness, such as regularly leaving the house keys at home & the cleaning supplies closet not dead bolted
Feeding toddler DC old food and milk (not rotten, but not fresh) w/o asking me first
Not taking DC to places I told her to

She is wonderful with DC who loves her, she is honest and I think in her own way, she does try hard. But I get the feeling these past issues (and there are many more, by the way) are just indicative of who she is rather than being isolated incidents. (Isn't that usually the case?) For instance, she has been nannying for a couple years, but she has other aspirations and I feel like she doesn't treat this job as seriously as she should. She is smart and I know that whatever I ask her to do, she will do it, but I am tired of telling her things she should do without being asked. Like shouldn't a good nanny make fresh food instead of digging through our leftovers?? Every evening, I come home and find DC's nose is full of visible boogers, which I know is from being out in the cold, but that was hours ago. So basically, DC's nose is full of snot and nanny doesn't clean it up, not even by the end of the day. Shouldn't a nanny keep her charge fairly clean and presentable? But I am always hearing "there's no perfect nanny" and I wonder if her replacement won't have her flaws, but in other ways. WWYD? If I should try to stick it out with her, should I have a sit down with her? I've done this a couple times already and I feel like if we keep having these, our relationship is going to get tense. One of my mom friends says she drops hints with her nanny that she gets, but I don't know if our nanny is sharp enough to pick up on tactful hints.

[Anonymous]

OP - forgot to say that DC is 2 years old.

[Anonymous]

Hints aren't good, you need direct and open conversation.
I think if you have already spoken with her on various issues you now need to give her a final warning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hints aren't good, you need direct and open conversation.
I think if you have already spoken with her on various issues you now need to give her a final warning.

+ 1

I wholeheartedly agree on this.

[Anonymous]

My kids eat leftovers every single night for dinner. There's nothing wrong with kids eating leftovers you made a day or two ago.

[Anonymous]

not sure what the issue is with leftovers? You'd be happier wasting food and having it land in the dump? WTF? Make less food or take it as your own leftovers for lunch. You REALLY need to let that one go.

Nothing in your OP is really all that worth getting worked up over. Kids noses run. They get sore when you wipe them a lot and sometimes the kid straight up won't let you. Do you want her to hold your kid down and force it? If so, let her know.

You sound very nitpicky and difficult to be around.

[Anonymous]

If there are leftovers in the fridge I would assume it would be ok to feed them to a child. They are there to be eaten arent they?

The nose thing would annoy me. Buy some boogie wipes and tell her that you know he doesnt like to have his nose wiped but if she could use the wipes when she sees he needs it that would be great.

When you ask her to take him somewhere does she already have plans to do something else? Can we have an example?

[Anonymous]

Given that many families specifically make enough so that the nanny can use that for lunch the next day, I'm not sure why you assumed that your nanny knew not to do that. I've worked with several families who batch cook, which is essentially having leftovers over and over.

Multiple absences, up to you how to handle it

The forgetfulness issues you mentioned are actually safety issues.

I'm not sure what you mean about not taking your DC places. Was the weather inclement, so she made the decision to stay home? Was your child misbehaving, so taking the child to the park (or other fun place) would be rewarding bad behavior? Did she skip something that costs money (like a class) or just not take your child for a walk? What did she say when you asked why it didn't happen? What did she and your child do instead?

The dried snot can go both ways. If you know your child's nose only runs when the child is sick or in the cold, yet there is dried snot... Yes, that's a problem. Some kids have noses that run constantly when it's cold, and it doesn't matter whether they are inside or outside, so I would be more forgiving in that scenario.

[Anonymous]

Hi, this is OP. About food/milk. I am totally okay with DC eating leftovers up to two days old. (I actually am okay with older, depending on what it is, but would rather save nanny that judgment call). She doesn't know how old the food in our fridge is so should ask me before she gives DC something I made. One evening, I saw that she had fed DC some sorry-looking beef. It wasn't rotten, but looked and smelled old and DC actually had stomach pains and lots of gas that night. Also, previously, I would see a couple half containers of milk in the fridge in the evening and it turned out that nanny would prepare two cups of milk, feed DC one, then the other, save leftovers from both for the next day. It would be fine if she had either thrown out the first cup's leftovers or used it for the second cup (which is given just an hour later), but the way she was doing it, she was giving DC a whole bunch of day-old used milk that she didn't need to.

About the snot, I wasn't even thinking about how clean nanny keeps DC's nose during the day, just how it looks in the evening when I get home. She washes DC's face & yes after this, I don't think there should be boogers hanging out of DC's nose! And DC does not bug out about the occasional nose wipe or picking.

I told nanny maybe two months ago about four places she could take DC when it was too cold for the park - a couple kid-friendly bookstores, the library, and a museum, all are free, all less than 10 minutes walk from home. The other day, it hit me that I was hearing library a lot when I asked what they did that day, occasionally one of the bookstores, but never the other or the museum. It turns out she had never even tried going to the latter two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hints aren't good, you need direct and open conversation.
I think if you have already spoken with her on various issues you now need to give her a final warning.

OP. To clarify, once I have a serious conversation (actually more like two) with her about a specific issue, she does address it and it's in the past. She hasn't had absences since December, it's been a couple weeks since she forgot the keys and over a week since she last left the closet un-bolted. I am just getting tired unearthing a new issue every week or two, like I just found out about the old food and not taking DC to places this week. When she first started, I thought that she was really smart because she would repeat to me instructions I gave, asked good questions to clarify what I meant, etc. so it felt like we were always on the same page. Since about a month ago, I feel like she is misunderstanding my directions (consciously or not) to make them easier for her. I can recall at least three times in just the past four weeks, all distinct issues, where I told her to do X, she did it that one time only and when I followed up asking why she did not do X again, she replied, oh I thought you wanted me to do X just that one time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hints aren't good, you need direct and open conversation.
I think if you have already spoken with her on various issues you now need to give her a final warning.

OP. To clarify, once I have a serious conversation (actually more like two) with her about a specific issue, she does address it and it's in the past. She hasn't had absences since December, it's been a couple weeks since she forgot the keys and over a week since she last left the closet un-bolted. I am just getting tired unearthing a new issue every week or two, like I just found out about the old food and not taking DC to places this week. When she first started, I thought that she was really smart because she would repeat to me instructions I gave, asked good questions to clarify what I meant, etc. so it felt like we were always on the same page. Since about a month ago, I feel like she is misunderstanding my directions (consciously or not) to make them easier for her. I can recall at least three times in just the past four weeks, all distinct issues, where I told her to do X, she did it that one time only and when I followed up asking why she did not do X again, she replied, oh I thought you wanted me to do X just that one time.

Is there a language barrier issue? That can be remedied relatively easily with repetition, written understanding, and double checking that something is really understood upon hearing a yes answer.

[Anonymous]

You just sound like a pain in the butt. Why is food that is sorry looking still in the fridge? Take some responsibility.

[Anonymous]

So the food issue is weird. If you are that concerned, tell her what you want her to feed him. If you decide to move on, write a handbook, at least for yourself, so you know what to address at the beginning. What seems obvious to you may not be so for others.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the food issue is your responsibility. Nanny shouldn't be responsible for throwing out your old food.
Maybe she has something personal going on if she is distracted? A more compassionate approach might be the way forward, after that if no luck then you should look for a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

I think she doesn't really like this job. It sounds like she's trying to do "good enough" and no better, and is already looking toward her future.

I might sit down with her and ask about those other aspirations, her plans and timeline, and gently lead up to asking if her heart just isn't in being a nanny. Who knows what the response will be?