How involved should mom be the first few days w/ new nanny?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny started yesterday, I have 4 month old twins and this is my first time with anyone other than family watching them. They were super fussy yesterday and I don't know how much I should be helping her out with them and lending a hand vs. letting the three of them figure things out (is my being around causing more distraction/confusion than good?). I've obviously spent time showing her the basics (where stuff is, what their general routine is, how they like to be held/fed/soothed, etc.), but I'm not sure how much I should be participating in play and feeding and naps in these first days (I have this week off work). I don't want to be unhelpful/cold, but I don't want to interfere in her establishing a rapport/routine. I've been erring on the side of staying out of the wayyesterday afternoon and today (in the house but not where they are, or out running quick errands) . Thoughts based on others' experiences?

[Anonymous]

You may not realize it but you may be part of the reason for the Fussiness. Babies act on sound, smell, and sight. Obviously they want to b with mom not this new person. So I say let them get acquainted with the nanny without you hovering over and disturbing the process. Also sleep training is a must so let her set up a routine that works for her cause your babies need it.

[Anonymous]

I would not be involved at all the first few days. It is vital. Otherwise this won't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may not realize it but you may be part of the reason for the Fussiness. Babies act on sound, smell, and sight. Obviously they want to b with mom not this new person. So I say let them get acquainted with the nanny without you hovering over and disturbing the process. Also sleep training is a must so let her set up a routine that works for her cause your babies need it.

Thanks! I definitely realize I may be part of the problem - that's why I was asking and why I've been trying to stay out of the way after the first part of the first day. I also told the nanny to let me know if she needs help or has questions and hope that she'll let me know what she needs (if anything).

[Anonymous]

Can you give her the rest of the week off until you return to work? Seems to me it may not be worth it for her to work if the babies are miserable since you are there.

[Anonymous]

OP, take this opportunity to establish open communication with your Nanny. Ask him/her what they prefer regarding level of assistance when you are around; if they have done this before they will be able to tell you what works best in their experience. Additionally, 2-3 days together is usually more than enough orientation. Maybe consider offering the rest of the week off (I'd even take it unpaid) if you feel comfortable at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be involved at all the first few days. It is vital. Otherwise this won't work.

I call utter BS on this. Lots of parents start a new nanny with their babies while the mom is still on maternity leave and those nanny relationships turn out just fine! When my daughter was a baby, I would always have the sitter come at least once while I was home so my daughter could get used to this new person with the comfort of my presence and she was always just fine. Your babies are used to you and it must be jarring for them to be cared for by a completely different person. Their fussiness could very well be due to this as much as from their wanting to be with you instead of the nanny. Today is a brand new day (and tomorrow), my guess is your twins are already less fussy as they get used to their new nanny. I do think though that you have to pick and choose when to be involved. If your twins are used to feeding just with you, you may need to leave the room to let the nanny take care of this. Sleep may or may not be an issue, I don't see how play would be. FYI my daughter's nanny and I sleep trained her at the same time and while my daughter would self soothe to sleep with me, she refused with the nanny. Finally, I accompanied the nanny when she put my daughter to bed a couple times and voila! after that, my daughter would self soothe with the nanny, too. Parents' involvement is not always the negative that some nannies like to make it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be involved at all the first few days. It is vital. Otherwise this won't work.

I call utter BS on this. Lots of parents start a new nanny with their babies while the mom is still on maternity leave and those nanny relationships turn out just fine! When my daughter was a baby, I would always have the sitter come at least once while I was home so my daughter could get used to this new person with the comfort of my presence and she was always just fine. Your babies are used to you and it must be jarring for them to be cared for by a completely different person. Their fussiness could very well be due to this as much as from their wanting to be with you instead of the nanny. Today is a brand new day (and tomorrow), my guess is your twins are already less fussy as they get used to their new nanny. I do think though that you have to pick and choose when to be involved. If your twins are used to feeding just with you, you may need to leave the room to let the nanny take care of this. Sleep may or may not be an issue, I don't see how play would be. FYI my daughter's nanny and I sleep trained her at the same time and while my daughter would self soothe to sleep with me, she refused with the nanny. Finally, I accompanied the nanny when she put my daughter to bed a couple times and voila! after that, my daughter would self soothe with the nanny, too. Parents' involvement is not always the negative that some nannies like to make it out to be.

I agree. I think it would be a little weird to leave the baby with someone new all day all of a sudden if you had a choice not to. Any change in caretaking may result in some fussiness, and the whole first year is full of changes to nap needs, food needs, teething pain, etc.. You have no idea why the babies are fussy, and they will adjust, and then be fussy again in a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

I call BS on this too. I go back to work next week but had our nanny start three weeks ago (we needed to do so to ensure that she would take our job). I give her space, let her handle everything and go about my business. Granted, this is not my first child or my first nanny, so I have no trouble letting her run the show and making myself scarce so she can do her job without feeling like I am in the way/judging her/etc. It has worked out for us just fine.

[Anonymous]

I call both of you bs because your kids do not remember or care about feelings at such a young age. If you hired someone after conducting background check, and experience....why breath down their throat while they are doing the job you ask them to do???? Before you start your bs again let me tell you I worked in daycare where babies were dropped off at 6 weeks old and grew up to be great, sociable and happy. All you are doing is make your children and nanny day hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call both of you bs because your kids do not remember or care about feelings at such a young age. If you hired someone after conducting background check, and experience....why breath down their throat while they are doing the job you ask them to do???? Before you start your bs again let me tell you I worked in daycare where babies were dropped off at 6 weeks old and grew up to be great, sociable and happy. All you are doing is make your children and nanny day hard.

If you have no choice, then sure, hand them right over. But most of us would rather have a more gentle transition. In fact, most people I know who use daycare start out with a week or so of limited hours or less than a full week.

[Anonymous]

I think you're doing just fine OP. Talk with your nanny and keep up being this thoughtful and self-aware and you'll be fine.

Congrats on your twins!

- another twin mom MB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny started yesterday, I have 4 month old twins and this is my first time with anyone other than family watching them. They were super fussy yesterday and I don't know how much I should be helping her out with them and lending a hand vs. letting the three of them figure things out (is my being around causing more distraction/confusion than good?). I've obviously spent time showing her the basics (where stuff is, what their general routine is, how they like to be held/fed/soothed, etc.), but I'm not sure how much I should be participating in play and feeding and naps in these first days (I have this week off work). I don't want to be unhelpful/cold, but I don't want to interfere in her establishing a rapport/routine. I've been erring on the side of staying out of the wayyesterday afternoon and today (in the house but not where they are, or out running quick errands) . Thoughts based on others' experiences?

Let the nanny handle the babies ,go out have fun,if stay home they na ver get good with the nanny,trust me...