unhappy / attitude problem

[Anonymous]

Third year here with our nanny and this whole year has been a disappointment. 13 sick days or personal appointment days plus the last two months she shows up late and asks to leave early (i.e. tells us to leave our office jobs earlier than usual to relieve her). She has a plethora of excuses none of which are professional - my phone broke, my alarm clock broke, traffic again, visitors for 4 weeks so staying up late, got back home at midnight from NYC, sick, etc.

Now that it's September we have no wiggle room for this. We have preschool, baby classes, swim lessons and two demanding FT jobs. And I'm still worrying if my nanny will show up or not. There is a slight correlation to her bad job performance and the fact that now she is watchingy two kids (1 yo, 3yo in 4 hours of pre-school in the AM - we do the morning drop-off).

I think it's time to part ways, or have a conversation: You don't seem happy about something (day job or not) and it is affecting your job performance. It might be time to go separate ways, what do you think?


Anyone been in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Not sure I can help but we are in the same boat. I am stressed out everyday about whether or our nanny will show up to work! I think part of it is just like anyone else, after a few years, people get too comfortable. I am torn because our nanny has been with us since our DD was 3 months old but it is getting too much plus she knows we have NO time to find a new nanny right now. We just signed a new contract but do think we will not renew next year.

[Anonymous]

Have the conversation and give her an opp to part ways amicably. She can't handle a FT job or maybe she prefers one little baby or a PT job. Get going on interviewing new, energetic hires that are good with two little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have the conversation and give her an opp to part ways amicably. She can't handle a FT job or maybe she prefers one little baby or a PT job. Get going on interviewing new, energetic hires that are good with two little kids.

This. This job is no longer a good fit for her or you. If nothing else, you need to say in no uncertain terms that you will not be leaving work early to relieve her. Tell her it also sounds like she needs more flexibility than this job will allow. Wish her well, and give notice.

Stress the reliability need, and also, if you have not been docking her pay, make sure you are only paying her from the time she shows up until the time she leaves.

[Anonymous]

I was in that situation. I tried gently having the conversation about attitude, but it didn't get better. It was frustrating to realize just where her job with us fell on her list of priorities, but I still didn't want to make a change just to maintain continuity for my kids. She finally quit and I found a MUCH better nanny and realized that we should have parted ways a year before she finally quit.

We didn't have the lateness issues that you are having, but general attitude and failure to complete tasks (kids laundry, kids meals, etc) was a constant problem. The best example that comes to mind was that she would ask me to leave work early to relieve her so that she could make it to an occasional appointment and one day she let slip that the appointments had been for her nails.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. You should have had this conversation 10 months ago! She is coasting because she thinks she can.

I would have a sit-down and explain that she needs to be available for all her working hours or you will be moving on, and I would start a nanny search NOW, before the conversation. She needs to get it together.

As for keeping the same nanny for the sake of the kids, this kind of thing causes a huge amount of stress to parents and therefore to kids. I can promise tou that whatever level of stress your kids might feel in adjusting to someone new will be far outweighed by the sense of calm in a household where parents can trust and rely on their nanny.

[Anonymous]

Time for a change. Kids are adaptable and will be fine. You will be relieved to have a competent nanny.

[Anonymous]

I'd just find someone new. You've already given 500 chances. My nanny has been with us for 4.5 years and hasn't taken 13 sick days all together.

[Anonymous]

Reliability is a HUGE must when working w/a nanny for your family.

Sure.....Accidents & emergencies occur in life, but it sounds to me like you are getting a plethora of excuses time + time again.

Your nanny seems like she isn't really taking her job too seriously and that she's running the show only on her terms.

In all honesty OP, I would issue her her walking papers. And don't look back.

There are many nannies out there who understand just how vital being reliable is in this (and any other!) type of work.

You shouldn't have anxiety over worrying if your nanny will show up or not.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure I can help but we are in the same boat. I am stressed out everyday about whether or our nanny will show up to work! I think part of it is just like anyone else, after a few years, people get too comfortable. I am torn because our nanny has been with us since our DD was 3 months old but it is getting too much plus she knows we have NO time to find a new nanny right now. We just signed a new contract but do think we will not renew next year.

My goodness, both you and OP are adults and employers. HAVE A CONVERSATION! Why is that so hard!?! You'd rather go an entire year worries every morning that your employee may not be there in time, setting forth a string of reactions due to her tardiness? I cannot comprehend that at all!

Formally sit down with your nanny and have a review. You SHOULD have done that at the contract renewal. Tell her that it is important that she be reliable and pleasant. If there is something in her life that is making either of those an issue it is time for her to address it.

You people are nuts. We have another who lets her nanny continue to wreck and drive her children in safely! Why is adulting so scary for you? You are an employer, act like one!

-Adult nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure I can help but we are in the same boat. I am stressed out everyday about whether or our nanny will show up to work! I think part of it is just like anyone else, after a few years, people get too comfortable. I am torn because our nanny has been with us since our DD was 3 months old but it is getting too much plus she knows we have NO time to find a new nanny right now. We just signed a new contract but do think we will not renew next year.

My goodness, both you and OP are adults and employers. HAVE A CONVERSATION! Why is that so hard!?! You'd rather go an entire year worries every morning that your employee may not be there in time, setting forth a string of reactions due to her tardiness? I cannot comprehend that at all!

Formally sit down with your nanny and have a review. You SHOULD have done that at the contract renewal. Tell her that it is important that she be reliable and pleasant. If there is something in her life that is making either of those an issue it is time for her to address it.

You people are nuts. We have another who lets her nanny continue to wreck and drive her children in safely! Why is adulting so scary for you? You are an employer, act like one!

-Adult nanny

+1. This is another reason why daycare can be a better choice for a lot of people. It's not just about cost.

[Anonymous]

some nannies can't handle conversations. Our was late a few times and was merely told Please be on time or early for your 7:30am start, and got all defensive.

this same nanny was told she would be in charge of dropping off the older kid in the morning instead of me, and flipped out citing how much work it was to drive 1.5 miles with two kids and she'd need another $1/hour raise.

then the nanny had her 21 yo daughter stay with her all of August and started arriving sleepy and late. And also asked for a later start time and to leave early because she needs to spend time with her houseguest.

now she is taking three free classes at Montgomery College and doesn't want to drop off the older kid at swimming and wait for me to relieve her there at the usual time. She has her english, computer and blah blah free classes that start an hour later.

yeah. she "conversated" herself right out of a long-term stable job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:some nannies can't handle conversations. Our was late a few times and was merely told Please be on time or early for your 7:30am start, and got all defensive.

this same nanny was told she would be in charge of dropping off the older kid in the morning instead of me, and flipped out citing how much work it was to drive 1.5 miles with two kids and she'd need another $1/hour raise.

then the nanny had her 21 yo daughter stay with her all of August and started arriving sleepy and late. And also asked for a later start time and to leave early because she needs to spend time with her houseguest.

now she is taking three free classes at Montgomery College and doesn't want to drop off the older kid at swimming and wait for me to relieve her there at the usual time. She has her english, computer and blah blah free classes that start an hour later.

yeah. she "conversated" herself right out of a long-term stable job.

There are professional nannies available, but they cost more.

[Anonymous]

Say goodbye. Was in your situation and now have a child care provider that I love---and the stress is so different from what it was! You don't realize how things can be better until they are.