How to politely say no

[Anonymous]

My NF thoughtfully invited me to NK's first birthday. The problem is that it will be a smallish party with their extended family and NK is both naturally shy and going through separation anxiety right now. I have been with her since she was a week old 50 hours per week and am really the primary attachment figure for now (she is very close to mom and dad and they are great parents, but she spends most of her time with me at this stage). I know that with a lot of people she doesn't know super well all wanted her attention and trying to hold her that she will likely want me to hold her the entire time. MB and DB don't mind (they get that this is a phase and are just happy to know she loves her caregiver), but the extended family sometimes gets annoyed with her if she doesn't go to them and one grandma in particular is sometimes very competitive with me/the other grandma. I just think it will be very awkward, and that if I am not there NK with transfer her clinginess to MB or DB, which will be more understandable to the family. Am I overthinking? How can I politely say no? When I said that I might be busy that day, DB said they would reschedule (including having family travel a different weekend).

[Anonymous]

It sounds like it's important to them that you're there. I think you should come late or leave early citing another appointment.

And yes, I think you ARE overthinking it a smidge, but you're kind to worry about other people's feelings.

[Anonymous]

It sounds as though you are being invited so that you can work. Bull to this! Just tell them you cannot attend.

Never, BUT NEVER buy your meat ad potatoes ion the same storer meaning do not socialize with your NF.

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell them that while you would very much like to attend, you feel as if their daughter may cling to you the entire time due to her awkwardness around others she may not know too well.

Explain that you do not think it would be a good idea that you do that.
It would be much more healthy for her if she experienced this situation w/out you there.

Or you can always accept their invitation yet stay only a half hour due to this very reason.

If they are in tune w/their child's personality then either way should be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should tell them that while you would very much like to attend, you feel as if their daughter may cling to you the entire time due to her awkwardness around others she may not know too well.

Explain that you do not think it would be a good idea that you do that.
It would be much more healthy for her if she experienced this situation w/out you there.

Or you can always accept their invitation yet stay only a half hour due to this very reason.

If they are in tune w/their child's personality then either way should be okay.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think not attending would be good, but you don't want to offend them. I also worry if you leave early, with the child be upset? That might not go over well. May be arriving late would be preferable? Not sure

[Anonymous]

Thanks. Makes sense. I will talk to MB tonight.

[Anonymous]

This is so weird. I've been with the same family for 9 years. You are over thinking this. Go to the party.

[Anonymous]

I would just be honest. Tell MB that you are touched that she thought to invite you to the family party, but that you worry the baby will not want to cuddle with the grandmas and their feelings might get hurt if the little one clings to you. And that you think it would be best for the dynamics of her extended family if you don't go.

I think it is very thoughtful of you to consider everyone's feelings. I don't think you are overthinking it, but people tell me I overthink things too.

[Anonymous]

Here is an idea. Go with another kid. Maybe if she sees you paying attention to another child other than her she won't b as clingy.

[Anonymous]

I think you will regret not going. The first birthday is special.

[Anonymous]

I as a nanny nave always had mini celebrations with my charges for their birthdays and never go to parties that occur after hours unless it has been a child that I no longer nanny for and want to visit. Parents that push this or insist you come or even say they will rearrange things are rude. They need to understand that you already spend 45+ hours per week with their kid and have a life any only 2 days off to do other things and see other kids that are in your very own family.

The fact that they even said they could make other arrangements sounds like they want you to work. And even if this isn't the intention it will end up happening.

I had one family that did something like this to me. The party was occurring on a Friday evening after my shift. Both sets of GPs had already been in town the whole week and staying in the house so I'd already been dealing with them all week though they were good about staying out of the way. However that Friday I'd spent every second of downtime wrapping presents and helping decorate (didn't mind at all I love decorating) and then close to 5 one of the gp began insisting I stay for the bday dinner and to meet family if never met before etc. she even started mentioning how I'd miss my charges face when opening presents. People wouldn't arrive until 6 and I needed to run errands. I ended up feeling so guilty but in hindsight she should feel guilty. I was dog tired and had been there since 7 am and commuted 45 minutes every day. The party probably wouldn't end until after 8/9.

I now have a rule in myself that if I just can't make it I just can't make it and say so and stick to it. I went to one party and I ended slicing came and passing out pizza the hole time.

No thank you

[Anonymous]

Pp here lol please excuse the many typos

*whole time
* I'd not if

Etc

[Anonymous]

I think you nannies are strange. The kids always want me at their birthday parties and would be so hurt if I didn't attend. Yes it's a job and maybe you're off at 5pm but really are you a robot? You don't want to be there? Maybe you're in the wrong type of work.