To Facebook friend or not?

[Anonymous]

First time host family (au pair arrives later this month) and I'm wondering whether to friend her on Facebook? Not too concerned one way or the other, just wasn't sure whether it's appropriate to so was curious what others tend to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First time host family (au pair arrives later this month) and I'm wondering whether to friend her on Facebook? Not too concerned one way or the other, just wasn't sure whether it's appropriate to so was curious what others tend to do.

DON'T!

[Anonymous]

no. it is creepy to follow them on social media. although it is always fun to get a peek or have someone let you know if there is anything sketchy going on (like photos of them drinking in your car or something).
Our previous AP's generally friend incoming AP and keep us posted after they leave if there is anything we should know about, so for your second AP you may have some information, but gotta go blind on the the first one.

[Anonymous]

I always friend my APs. It's great to see their travels in the US and they can see all the photos of our family before arriving. If there's stuff they don't want to show you, they can do so with their privacy filters.

[Anonymous]

I never used to because of the concern that they would feel watched, but our AP four years ago argued that they all know how (and already do) use privacy settings to filter what they share, so this was a silly concern. We FB friend our AP upon matching, so that we can follow AP and he can follow us through the next six months before arrival. This makes a big difference in how much we get to know each other. They say they have enjoyed it and so have we, and of course, anyone can block anything from being shared these days. I should say, though, we are also one of those HFs who don't expect our APs not to drink or have fun or get tattoos or anything like that so if an AP were to post about those things, we wouldn't care at all and probably would think it was funny (we have done a ton of vetting already prior to matching so it's a non-issue by the time we match).

[Anonymous]

It depends. I am friends with all 8 of my past/present APs. In all cases, I waited for them to send me an invite, which came anywhere from before matching, to about 3 months into the year. I know 2 of the APs set some privacy settings so I could not see everything but I didn't really care (while they were here that is, now I seem to see everything). Also one rematch AP is still friends with me, though we both have privacy settings limited for one another.

I think it can only hurts if people have things to hide!

[Anonymous]

I always wait until they friend me, which has typically been the day they go on their travel month. I don't think I would suggest being the one to initiate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never used to because of the concern that they would feel watched, but our AP four years ago argued that they all know how (and already do) use privacy settings to filter what they share, so this was a silly concern. We FB friend our AP upon matching, so that we can follow AP and he can follow us through the next six months before arrival. This makes a big difference in how much we get to know each other. They say they have enjoyed it and so have we, and of course, anyone can block anything from being shared these days. I should say, though, we are also one of those HFs who don't expect our APs not to drink or have fun or get tattoos or anything like that so if an AP were to post about those things, we wouldn't care at all and probably would think it was funny (we have done a ton of vetting already prior to matching so it's a non-issue by the time we match).

This is us exactly (unless something actually illegal - like drinking and driving - became apparent through Facebook, which would lead to rematch.)

We let candidates that we're serious about look at my facebook page to get a feel for our family, then generally stay friends once we're matched.

[Anonymous]

I would not send a friend request while they were about to or still working for me. I am only FB friends with past au pairs. No special reason, but it just is was feels right to me. If they sent me a request while still working for me, I would accept, but otherwise, I feel like if that's something they want to keep personal, I respect that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I am friends with all 8 of my past/present APs. In all cases, I waited for them to send me an invite, which came anywhere from before matching, to about 3 months into the year. I know 2 of the APs set some privacy settings so I could not see everything but I didn't really care (while they were here that is, now I seem to see everything). Also one rematch AP is still friends with me, though we both have privacy settings limited for one another.

I think it can only hurts if people have things to hide!

It's not about having anything to hide. It's about maintaining a small amount of privacy. The AP already lives with you. Does she have to share every aspect of her life with you? Let her have her FB page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I am friends with all 8 of my past/present APs. In all cases, I waited for them to send me an invite, which came anywhere from before matching, to about 3 months into the year. I know 2 of the APs set some privacy settings so I could not see everything but I didn't really care (while they were here that is, now I seem to see everything). Also one rematch AP is still friends with me, though we both have privacy settings limited for one another.

I think it can only hurts if people have things to hide!

It's not about having anything to hide. It's about maintaining a small amount of privacy. The AP already lives with you. Does she have to share every aspect of her life with you? Let her have her FB page.

You must have missed my post where I clearly stated that I wait for them to send me an invite.

I don't really care one way or another if AP friends me or not, but I would assume that if she doesn't ask me connect (again, never happened in 8 APs), there are some things in her life she doesn't want me to know about. And that attitude would probably be reflected in a more distant relationship with us in real life that what we are used to with our current and past APs.

[Anonymous]

I've been FB friends with all my APs including my incoming. I personally find that FB is so prevalent and intertwined with real life now that it would feel VERY strange to me to not be FB friends with someone living in my house. She would literally be the only person in my life that I had a personal relationship with that used FB that I wasn't friends with. I love seeing their pictures of what they're doing, and being able to share mine with them also. I think it makes us closer. As others have said, if they want to hide things from me, they easily can with privacy filters - most young people are savvy with this. Plus there's snapchat for that kind of thing!! :-/

The pay off will be big too, I'm currently working on a photo book for my AP as a leaving gift where I'm using hundreds of her photos over the past 2 years to create a story of her experience.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. They and you need some privacy while AP is living with you. We friend our APs at the end of their year, so we can keep contact with them and share pictures, news, etc.

Some host families like to have a buddy-buddy relationship with AP. I think more of an employer/employee relationship mixed with mother/daughter relationship works much better. Maybe it's because I'm 40+

[Anonymous]

I don't friend them - if they friend me, great. At the end of their year we always friend each other around the time they go on travel month so we can keep in touch and see pics, etc.

I figure they can have some privacy - just like those who work for me at my job don't friend me.

[Anonymous]

I only do it after they leave. I'd accept if they friended my when they arrived, but so far none have.