Nervous warning given about meeting grandparents...

[Anonymous]

Haven't been with this family but about 3 months. Things are going pretty well. They don't have much family and the mbs mother and father just arrived. I'm really uncomfortable and have always had boundary issues with GPs in the past and don't want to repeat any of the past mistakes of making them feel too comfortable with me. Db had to leave for day trip early this a.m. But yet Star morning we were talking and he told me that they are pretty inconsiderate people and that they don't really care about the kids. Then last night before I left mb told me that they will only show interest for 5 minutes then push the kids away and focus on their 3, YES THREE, huge full grown golden retrievers instead that they have brought with them.

In the past grandparent have always liked me but this liking always led to them saying things they shouldn't, butting in on my schedule and basically disrespecting me on one job in particular. So far they have come in and the first thing the GM said to me is "where is dgs?" "I replied "both of the boys are napping right now" with a smile and attempted to shake her hand but she was wrestling with one of the dogs. She immediately says " oh. Is he? I though mb didn't want him napping anymore" I thought here we go. This 3 yr old wakes up every morning at 4am and he also is one 2 sleeping pills PLUS melatonin nightly. He could barely eat his lunch with out batting his eyes and speaking incoherently.

I've stayed out of the way but went inside the kitchen for a bottle of water and she asked me to show her husband where the spoons are so they could feed the dogs. I've been told that they wouldn't even come to town for the births of the boys because it didn't align with their yearly travel plans and have only laid eyes on my 13 month old 2 times in his life. They live one state over for half the year so this is why they have come, because it happens to be on the way. It's hard for me to not give them the side eye and judge but I also don't want to come off rude. They have been slamming doors and yelling at their dogs the entire 45 min since they came in. I feel nervous and want to get out of here immediately lol

please pray for me!

[Anonymous]

Yes, good luck.

[Anonymous]

BTDT, unfortunately. Get the kids out of the house as much as you can, ask MB if they can nap in the car on the way back from somewhere fun (think children's museum or the like, hopefully 45+ minutes).

[Anonymous]

Well at least one good point seems to be that the parents recognize the grandparent's failings so hopefully they'll back you up if you need it. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Do I understand you correctly that. The 2yr old is given sleeping pills and melatonin??!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do I understand you correctly that. The 2yr old is given sleeping pills and melatonin??!!

OP here. Yes but he is 3 years old. Its ridiculous. Most of his issues are behavioral. He naps daily when needed with me because otherwise he is a mess. The more tired he gets the more wound up he gets but i make him lay down, even if its for a 30 minute cat nap. His parents can't/dont make hime stay in bad. He will stay up until nearly 9/10 every night, get up around 1 am and go into their room, he either wakes the 1 year old (who sleeps in his parents room) or the 1 year old wakes him. Then he still wakes up around 4/5 am. I tried to stop his naps to see if he would go to bed better for them and he still does the same thing. yet when Ive done an over night he went to bed around 8 and didn't stir until 5:15.

Honestly they don't really know how to Parent him. And seeing these GPs showed me where the lack of parental instincts comes from. Mb tried to go with "he has sleep apnea" I told her if he had that he would wake regularly anytime he sleeps and not just at night. he would also snore, which he doesn't. They had a sleep study performed and nothing came back from his neurologist. Its them. So he is currently on 2 pills (not sure what they are but its not natural) combined with liquid melatonin. They have tried to get me to keep him up during the day and it scares me. I can't get him to do anything in his right state of mind when he doesn't rest. Sometimes Im afraid he will just fall off of the jungle gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTDT, unfortunately. Get the kids out of the house as much as you can, ask MB if they can nap in the car on the way back from somewhere fun (think children's museum or the like, hopefully 45+ minutes).

Yes I took them to a new park across town and we were gone for the remainder of my shift. he goes to school a few days a week and I will just have to get them back out immediately in the afternoon after lunch etc. We have a Zoo pass so that will be used a lot over the next week.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Well has anyone else ever witnessed grandparents that don't hug their grandchildren? Especially when they have not seen them in nearly half of a year? the GM gave a quick embrace when my oldest woke and then hurried and said she needed to go to the market. The GD never touched either of them. He was very awkward . He quickly pulled his phone out to distract himself. he sat in the kitchen with these dogs the entire time. I couldnt wait for my youngest to wake so we could leave lol

They decided the dogs would stay in the kitchen because there is a baby gate. Why not the gated back yard, I don't know. MB laughs about it and says they are like their children and wont hear it. MB and I work hard to keep the kitchen floor clean and don't wear shoes inside at all because the baby is still crawling. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen making food, doing crafts, heating bottles etc so we keep a toy box in there. Well not today. The floor was covered with spills from the dog dish and kibble laying in various places. I'm like do you realize your grandson could choke on this stuff? But they don't know anything about him. It had been raining a little today so the kitchen also reeked of the dampness from the dogs fur.

Im happy tomorrow is Friday

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the GPs are busy with their own thing for the most part, so aside from making judgy comments, they probably won't interfere too much.

I'd say try to give them some space and keep the kids occupied with happy things, but it sounds like the GPs will give you & the kids plenty of space all on their own.

[Anonymous]

MB here, and this reminds me so much of my inlaws. First clue, they only see their daughter once a year, and they still didn't schedule their trip around when she could take off work.
I hate it when my MIL does this. I always feel so bad for my husband. Yes, she is a crappy grandma, a terrible MIL, and not great to our nanny. But she is really not that important of a person in any of our lives. But she is his mom, and it's like she can't be inconvenienced at all to come when he is free or give enough notice that he can take off work. The whole situation sucks, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the GPs are busy with their own thing for the most part, so aside from making judgy comments, they probably won't interfere too much.

I'd say try to give them some space and keep the kids occupied with happy things, but it sounds like the GPs will give you & the kids plenty of space all on their own.

Yes I actually told mb that I prefer for them to leave me be considering in other positions GPs really crossed boundaries and didn't let me do my job. She mentioned their previous nanny tried to get them to take the kids to the zoo and said she could come along to help. That sounds like a nightmare to me. I'm the sort of person that if you want time with the kids let me be off or you take one and I take the other. But all of us hanging out together is not something I'm interested in. It just raised my antennae for them to say the things they did about them and to be so spot on. The Gm kept asking me if I sent my oldest to potty when he woke because she didn't want him to have an accident. Lol it was hilarious. I never have to do that with him, but I guess the last time she was around him he was still in pull ups. I happen to be with him over 9 hours per day. It seems to confuse him that they won't actually do anything with him. Just grateful I have a Mb and db that are honest about it and warned me. He's at school now and they are scrambling to get out of here before I go to get him lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here, and this reminds me so much of my inlaws. First clue, they only see their daughter once a year, and they still didn't schedule their trip around when she could take off work.
I hate it when my MIL does this. I always feel so bad for my husband. Yes, she is a crappy grandma, a terrible MIL, and not great to our nanny. But she is really not that important of a person in any of our lives. But she is his mom, and it's like she can't be inconvenienced at all to come when he is free or give enough notice that he can take off work. The whole situation sucks, OP.

What's bizarre about it is when my youngest had his 1st birthday the DADs parents forgot but happened to be in town helping their daughter/his sister out with a move and mb says they came over for about 10 minutes with a card as an afterthought. Then not too long ago I was at the park with the kids and they had cousins playing there that I'd never met that only lived down the street. I met the aunt and she hadn't seen my charges since last year. The entire dynamic in the family is strange. It makes me wonder if it's really my NFs doing since both sets of GPs are standoffish. It's sad to watch though. My 3 yr old kept trying to find the Gd to do things with him and I had to keep distracting him because he was not interested AT ALL. I've never seen a grandfather that doesn't want to toss a ball around with or hug their grandsons. Everyone is different though.