What would you make of this?
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Anonymous
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I've been with my current NF for 15 months, their daughter turns 2 in May. I've had many detailed, frank discussions with MB regarding how long they intend to keep me on full time, and when they intend to put DD in preschool (MB is 43, conceived DD using IVF, and said they will not be trying for another). She has always said they plan to keep me on full time until Fall 2017, and enroll DD in preschool 3-4 full days per week at that time (and MB or DB or grandma would take care of her on non preschool days). I brought up this time line most recently in early February, to tell MB that my husband and I are planning to move out of state to be closer to his family, but we will be planning our move for next year, and are specifically planning our move around the timeline MB had given me, so I could finish out with them as planned, staying until DD starts preschool that fall.
Well, I showed up to work yesterday, and MB told me they would be letting me go 30 mins early (I have guaranteed hours, so still get paid for the time), so she could take DD, with DB, to the nearby preschool for a tour. I asked if they were already enrolling for Fall 2017, and she said she didn't think so, but "last night I spoke to [my best friend] who told me I should check it out and consider enrolling DD part time this Fall so she doesn't fall behind." I pointed out that I do a lot of learning based activities with DD, I've been teaching her colors, letters, numbers and counting, shapes, weekdays, months, seasons, animal life cycles, patterns, etc, as well as introducing her to sign language and Spanish language basics. We have play dates with her two little friends every week, and every day we go out, we go to the park, library story time, museums, the zoo, the pool, etc, so she gets lots of peer interaction, and opportunities for new experiences and real world learning every day. I told her that of course in the end it is her decision, but I just felt surprised to be hearing that after she's been telling me for so long (and recently!) that she would be waiting until 2017. MB told me yesterday that they're "just thinking about it," and they "would probably only enroll her a couple mornings per week, so we could probably still keep you on full time." When I asked if that meant that she would add duties to fill the time while DD is in preschool, like running errands or meal prep, she said that "wouldn't be necessary." At first I took it at face value, but now I'm wondering if she meant they'd still keep me "full time" but reduce my hours while DD is at school, or try to swap school hours for date night hours...who knows. I asked MB this morning how the preschool tour went, and she said something about she and DB are still "figuring it out," and left for work abruptly. We had my one year review at the end of January, and MB and DB couldn't stop gushing about how happy they've been with my performance and care of their daughter, so I don't think it's a case of them starting preschool because they're unhappy with me. What do you think? Should I start interviewing with other families now? Or should I wait and ask her what they decided regarding preschool in a few more weeks (or a couple months)? I really love this family and I thought we had a great rapport; I don't want to leave them but I feel so confused right now, and although I think there's some truth to the statement that they're still figuring it out, it does feel like they're not being totally honest with me right now. |
Anonymous
| Start interviewing if you don't want to be unemployed. You can give your life to their kid, and they can put you out on the corner in the blink of an eye. So devastating. I'm so sorry. |
Anonymous
| What pp said. They can say whatever they what and maybe even mean it in the moment but ultimately if mom or mil or bff say their choice is wrong for some reason that's what they'll listen to. |
Anonymous
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Sometimes being a nanny can sure be a thankless job!!
And this is the perfect example. After 15 months of loyalty to this family, the least they can do is to be 100% honest in their dealings with you. You trusted that they would keep their word to you....After all, it is normal to think of future job security. Your gut is telling you that something is going on and now you must wait for the other shoe to drop. I say go ahead and move earlier if possible. This family sounds pretty scatterbrained to me. |
Anonymous
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I would wait and see what happens. She may just go 2 mornings a week and your hours and responsibilities stay the same.
This has happened with me a few times and my job stayed the same. |
Anonymous
Bad advice, unless you don't mind being jobless. |
Anonymous
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I think she is being honest with you. They're still deciding what they plan to do in the fall. You're pushing them to decide immediately.
If you don't want to hurt this relationship, stop pushing them. If you can't stand the uncertainty for even a couple of weeks while they figure out what they're doing, then start looking for another job. What if your husband gets a great job offer in December, if he can move right away? You will regretfully give notice. Circumstances change. It is a rare job that is actually guaranteed for two full years. |
Anonymous
| She is lying. Find a new job. |
Anonymous
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I think she's being completely candid and you shouldn't panic.
Sounds like she's trying to figure out what's best, doesn't want to lose you, and wants to give her child every advantage. Those aren't mutually exclusive goals. And if she puts the child in preschool a couple of mornings a week that does not threaten your job security necessarily. Preschool is subject to closures and parent days and new illnesses for the kids etc.... which quickly make retaining a nanny a really smart idea. Don't panic. Let her work it through. |
Anonymous
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People make plans based on the information they have at a given time, but then the information changes, and they need to adjust.
It doesn't sound like anyone deliberately mislead you. It just sounds like she might be considering other options. I understand that is probably frustrating and scary for you, but it sounds like you were fairly pushy with with MB about it. If possible, just continue to do a wonderful job and you'll have your answer soon enough. I'd also like to add that it's not a competition between you and preschool, and if they choose preschool it's not a slight on how wonderful you are. I think it's an apples and oranges thing. |
Anonymous
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More often than not, nannies tend to get too little notice to secure a decent replacement job, so just ignore the bad advice of these selfish parents on this thread.
OP should look out for her own financial stability because her employer certainly will not. |
Anonymous
A selfish MB would do everything behind the nanny's back and then spring the decision on her. None of the MBs have advocated for that. |
Anonymous
Did you advocate for the nanny to protect herself from unemployment? No, you did not. Hence your selfishness. |
Anonymous
| Keep in mind that if the choose to do do preschool in the fall, an opening might come up sooner and they'll have to make a small decision to take it or lose their spot and go to the bottom of the waiting list. I've had that happen twice. Seriously, op, a start looking around. |
Anonymous
This is true, but they just visited the preschool! Give the people a couple of weeks before you decide they're going to screw you over. |