Have been planning to terminate nanny, and now she has big news

[Anonymous]

We've been looking to replace our nanny, for several reasons (not very kind to our kids, not performing duties under contract, general attitude issues). I talked to a great candidate last night and was planning to check her references today. This morning, our current nanny asked me to talk before I left for work, and announced that she's pregnant. She's not due until the end of summer, and wants to keep working for us. She made clear that the paycheck is very important to her and she is feeling fine and perfectly capable of continuing to work. She said "I hope that's okay with you" and stared at me expectantly, like I was supposed to assure her that her job is secure until she delivers her baby.

If she was an awesome nanny, or even just a pretty good nanny, I would be just fine with her continuing to work while pregnant (though I think she'll be surprised by how hard it becomes to do a lot toward the end, especially nearing full term in the summer and needing to be outside with active kids). But she's not a good nanny at all, and we have been actively looking to replace her and are very close to finalizing a job offer for the new nanny. Current nanny also told me about another health concern that has just come up, and she's very stressed out about the health concern and the pregnancy, so I know she's going through a lot. I'm trying to weigh compassion for her against concern for my own children. She honestly makes my home an uncomfortable place to be for my oldest child. She's just not a good nanny for our family, and ultimately don't feel like I need to be responsible for ensuring her income, even though she's announced this pregnancy.

Am I in the wrong to continue with the planned termination and replacement with a nanny who will ultimately be a better fit for my family?

[Anonymous]

Not wrong at all. You plan to fire her for VERY good reasons. Although, I do assume you've spoken to her about the issues and allowed her time to improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not wrong at all. You plan to fire her for VERY good reasons. Although, I do assume you've spoken to her about the issues and allowed her time to improve.

How do you improve rolling your eyes, saying out loud to children "I can't wait to get out of here", calling children "naughty" repeatedly when they're basically being...little kids, telling me my kids cry for "no reason", and acting offended as all heck when asked to perform agreed-upon job duties? Every time we've gently mentioned anything, she's been incredibly defensive. I'm sure we could have had more direct conversations about each issue, but the overall situation is that she has a bad attitude with our children, actively ignores them, and feels put-upon when asked to do her job. There are some people who can take guidance and constructive criticism, and others who can't. She falls into the "can't" category. We have tried, gently, and even gently has been too harsh for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not wrong at all. You plan to fire her for VERY good reasons. Although, I do assume you've spoken to her about the issues and allowed her time to improve.

How do you improve rolling your eyes, saying out loud to children "I can't wait to get out of here", calling children "naughty" repeatedly when they're basically being...little kids, telling me my kids cry for "no reason", and acting offended as all heck when asked to perform agreed-upon job duties? Every time we've gently mentioned anything, she's been incredibly defensive. I'm sure we could have had more direct conversations about each issue, but the overall situation is that she has a bad attitude with our children, actively ignores them, and feels put-upon when asked to do her job. There are some people who can take guidance and constructive criticism, and others who can't. She falls into the "can't" category. We have tried, gently, and even gently has been too harsh for her.

OP here: I should add - thank you for your response, and yes, I agree that allowing opportunity to improve is important; I just feel like we've tried to gently push in that direction and even the slightest nudge makes her attitude worse, not better. Maybe she's been having a rough time of it for some other reason, but it's been a challenging six or so months that she's been with us. Her expectation is that we fix all of HER problems. No effort to pick up her own performance.

[Anonymous]

I completely understand your conundrum, but from what you say, it sounds like she isn't all that happy in the job anyway so if she stays until she's due, it will be to collect a paycheck and not because she's giving or getting anything meaningful from the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely understand your conundrum, but from what you say, it sounds like she isn't all that happy in the job anyway so if she stays until she's due, it will be to collect a paycheck and not because she's giving or getting anything meaningful from the relationship.

OP here. Thanks, this is probably spot on. I don't think she cares about having THIS job or has a genuine connection with our kids. I do think she likes having A job and a regular paycheck. This is one where even if she stayed until the last day of her pregnancy, I can't imagine we'd ever speak to one another again. She would want a really nice baby gift though.

[Anonymous]

OP, the timing sucks, but you'll just have to tell her the truth, give her some severance, and send her on her way. You need to tell her TODAY, I think.

I'm sure she will accuse you of firing her for being pregnant, but if you have a paper trail of looking for a new nanny, you can easily prove that's not true.

At the same time, if I was feeling compassionate, I might decide not to contest her application for unemployment, even though it will cost you money.

Here is how I would start this conversation, "Nanny Larla, that is exciting news. I do need to talk to, though. I am so sorry about the timing of this, but we decided some time ago that this isn't really working out. I was planning to tell you this week that we had found a new nanny. I know you count on this paycheck, but I needed to find someone who could find the joy in this position and who I felt more able to talk to when things are going well. We can offer you $xxx in severance and/or xxx weeks notice."

She will likely be as unpleasant as always for this conversation, but pull off the bandaid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the timing sucks, but you'll just have to tell her the truth, give her some severance, and send her on her way. You need to tell her TODAY, I think.

I'm sure she will accuse you of firing her for being pregnant, but if you have a paper trail of looking for a new nanny, you can easily prove that's not true.

At the same time, if I was feeling compassionate, I might decide not to contest her application for unemployment, even though it will cost you money.

Here is how I would start this conversation, "Nanny Larla, that is exciting news. I do need to talk to, though. I am so sorry about the timing of this, but we decided some time ago that this isn't really working out. I was planning to tell you this week that we had found a new nanny. I know you count on this paycheck, but I needed to find someone who could find the joy in this position and who I felt more able to talk to when things are going well. We can offer you $xxx in severance and/or xxx weeks notice."

She will likely be as unpleasant as always for this conversation, but pull off the bandaid.

Whoa! Holy typos! "I need to talk to YOU, though ... when things AREN'T going well"

[Anonymous]

You wouldn't be firing her because she's pregnant, you're firing her because she's not a good nanny for your family. I think you should definitely plan to go forward with your plan to replace her. The compassionate thing to do, while also putting your children first, is to give her ample notice so that she can look for a job before she is obviously pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You wouldn't be firing her because she's pregnant, you're firing her because she's not a good nanny for your family. I think you should definitely plan to go forward with your plan to replace her. The compassionate thing to do, while also putting your children first, is to give her ample notice so that she can look for a job before she is obviously pregnant.

OP here. In good news, she is able to work immediately as a temp within a certain industry. She's told me before that she is able to work daily in that capacity so it was "no big deal" if we didn't hire her full time (this was when she started with us and was thinking it may be part time). She still has that certification and there is still a need for her temp services.

But yes, I would plan to give her some severance, and I would direct her to some resources that would help her find a new nanny job if desired.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd tell her on her last day and give her 2-4 weeks severence if possible. Timing sucks, but not your fault. Also, in the future I think you need to be more direct. A sit down clearly spelling out your expectations may have helped. With the new nanny, set up a meeting for the end of week one, month one, and 6 months. After that have annual reviews at the annual mark. Plan on this in advance and be both direct and honest during these meetings. These are your children, be in charge of their care.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP from the threads about the nanny arriving late, the nanny who wasn't doing the laundry, etc? Right?

[Anonymous]

OP, you should have addressed this head on in response to her news, by telling her that you're happy for her that she's pregnant, but that you already had determined to make a change and already were interviewing candidates, and then told her she could stay until you hired a new nanny. That would have been awkward, but it will be even more awkward now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP from the threads about the nanny arriving late, the nanny who wasn't doing the laundry, etc? Right?

Yep. She's been a problem on several different fronts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should have addressed this head on in response to her news, by telling her that you're happy for her that she's pregnant, but that you already had determined to make a change and already were interviewing candidates, and then told her she could stay until you hired a new nanny. That would have been awkward, but it will be even more awkward now.

I could have, but I assume she would have then picked up her bags and left. Maybe not, but honestly I would not want to leave her there with my kids having just informed her we were dropping her, immediately after she announced her pregnancy and another significant health concern (which will likely truly be fine, but is genuinely scary for her at the moment). It would have felt like swinging a baseball bat at her right in that moment. Not how I planned to address her termination - in front of my kids, at the start of a work day.