Over confident nanny is driving us nuts.
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Anonymous
| Hi, I'm looking for feed back on what to do, we have a nanny who seems to think she can say whatever is on her mind, and at first I welcomed her confidence but now it is becoming A) Annoying and B) overkill. We thought she would be good for our family as her husband happens to be surgical resident for one of our local hospitals. She came highly recommended from one of my friends who used her as a date night sitter and knew we would need a new nanny who understood what's it like to work for professionals who have a demanding and unpredictable schedule, we're medical professionals as well. She has been great with the kids, and plans activities. The issue is I have certain things I would like of her do adhere to, for example, it is important that we limit tv, she thinks it's fine to let them watch tv whenever she deems appropriately, as well as limiting her budget when she goes out with the kids. We let her spend a good amount but she seems to push over the encouraged limit (400) and makes remarks about how we are not hurting for money and kids are happy, so we should just let it be. On top of this, we plan to take vacation (she gets two weeks of her choosing) and one of the weeks is our choosing due our busy schedules, well this did not work for her and she let us know why and basically reminded us like we don't know how hard it is for schedule too. We have a beloved sitter we use once in a while, who just happens to have met her at the park once. She never made it known she knew us, as our nanny is quite chatty and presuming she did most of the talking. Apparently our nanny made it know to our occasional sitter that she has this job because she likes kids, and does not need it as her husbands takes care of her and if concerns arise she is not afraid to set her foot down and get her way. I felt this was uncalled for, we try to accommodate and bend backwards for her in whatever way we can, but when we hired her we made it clear there are things we need compliance on and the issues she has are the ones she knew about from the get go. She is making it seem like it was never discussed. I am just looking for suggestions on how to approach this. I don't want to just let our rules slide, she was made aware of them and we don't ask for much. We give her the weekends off, and let her go early with pay if we get home. She can take the kids anywhere, we gave her a card to use and reimburse for mileage and occasionally give her random gifts, especially when she does a great job with the kids. But her over confidence on how she thinks this work should balance is driving us nuts. |
Anonymous
| After the TV issue, no need for me to read further, OP. Replace her. You will not change her. Period. |
Anonymous
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MB here. I would find someone new. I agree that it doesn't sound like this woman will change.
Your house, your kids, your money that's paying the nanny and your rules. If she is not comfortable working within the guidelines you set forth then this isn't the job for her. (And that last sentence is almost verbatim what I would say to her.) |
Anonymous
13:32 here. I am a professional nanny. Part of being a professional is having standards of practice. In my work, I don't do TV. So if a parent said to me, cartoons are on at 10, I'm certain we would have better things to do. If a parent demanded that I allow a healthy child to watch cartoons, we'd soon part ways. But these these things should be ironed out before making an agreement. |
Anonymous
| Nanny here and if the situation was reversed, I'd quit without complaint or accusations. You just have a bad fit that's all. Move on. She'll find the family that works for her and you will find the nanny that works for you. Nuff said. |
Anonymous
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She sounds like a PITA, but as she said, she's in a position where she doesn't need to work so of course she's going to try to do things her way, and if she's willing to lose her job over not being able to do so, let her!
She's getting on your nerves, she doesn't follow instructions, and she doesn't seem to have any boundaries about what is and isn't okay to say to people. Let her go! |
Anonymous
| She's made it abundantly clear that if she's going to be your nanny, she'll be doing it on her terms and no one else's. If that works for you, then knock yourself out, but it would not work for most people. Frankly she is so egregiously unprofessional that I wonder what's "wrong" with your position (low pay, poorly disciplined kids, long hours, demands an inordinate amount of flexibility), because it should be easy to find a nanny better than this. |
Anonymous
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Nanny here. I see the following problems:
1. we have a nanny who seems to think she can say whatever is on her mind, at first I welcomed her confidence but now it is becoming A) Annoying and B) overkill. You don't state what she's saying, but it sounds like she's giving unwanted advice. Unless she feels that what you want her to do is detrimental to the children, she needs to stop. Offering unsolicited advice is always a balancing act. 2. She came highly recommended from one of my friends who used her as a date night sitter and knew we would need a new nanny who understood what's it like to work for professionals who have a demanding and unpredictable schedule, If your schedule is that unpredictable, you need a live-in nanny who is paid extra to be available as needed. What you do for a living irrelevant. You also accepted a reference for a full-time or part-time nanny from someone who knows nothing about how she is as a nanny, instead employing her as an occasional sitter. The needs are completely different. What did her other references say about her (specifically the references that had her work positions similar to your position)? 3. it is important that we limit tv, she thinks it's fine to let them watch tv whenever she deems appropriately, Professionals don't park kids in front of the television unless the parent said that it's an acceptable reward. 4. as well as limiting her budget when she goes out with the kids. We let her spend a good amount but she seems to push over the encouraged limit (400) and makes remarks about how we are not hurting for money and kids are happy, so we should just let it be. Her comments are out of line. Is the $400 for one week, two weeks, one month, 3 months, 6 months, a year? Without knowing how long it's supposed to last, we can't say whether it's low, normal or generous. Regardless, she knows there's a budget and doesn't seem to care. There are plenty of activities and things to do with kids which are cheap or free. 5. On top of this, we plan to take vacation (she gets two weeks of her choosing) and one of the weeks is our choosing due our busy schedules, well this did not work for her and she let us know why and basically reminded us like we don't know how hard it is for schedule too. If your contract reads two weeks of her choosing, you can't pick one of those weeks. If your contract reads 2 weeks of her choosing and one week of your choosing, you get to say when your week is, and it doesn't matter if it's convenient for her. 6. Apparently our nanny made it know to our occasional sitter that she has this job because she likes kids, and does not need it as her husbands takes care of her and if concerns arise she is not afraid to set her foot down and get her way. This is completely unprofessional. Yes, nannies vent. That's what anonymous forums and locked facebook pages are for. However, nannies also need to keep in mind that they never know who knows their employer. And if you have anything in your contract about confiendtiality or disparaging you, she broke it. 7. We give her the weekends off, and let her go early with pay if we get home. I'm a bit confused by this. You give her weekends off? Normal schedule is Monday through Friday, and weekends are extras, not bonuses to the nanny. And if she's available to work, but you get home early, it's not fair to penalize the nanny for sending her home early, so yes, paying her for all scheduled hours is expected (again, not a perk). 8. She can take the kids anywhere, we gave her a card to use and reimburse for mileage These aren't perks either, mileage reimbursement is required unless it's your vehicle and your gas. You pay for all activities that your kids do, and while it's great that she's allowed to take them anywhere, it's still your responsibility to pay. 8. occasionally give her random gifts, especially when she does a great job with the kids. Well, this is a perk. Kudos! Overall, it sounds like your expectations are just a hair off, and she's very entitled and unprofessional. Cut her loose, look for a professional nanny, but be willing to pay top dollar if you need lots of hours and on call. |
Anonymous
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This is going to be an uncomfortable conversation, but I suggest you start it with, "Nanny Larla, I feel like we may not be such a good fit for you. You need a family who can give you 100% latitude to do things as you wish while you're working, which I can understand, but that's just not what we're looking for. Can we talk about this before we go much farther?"
And then, for all that's holy -- write out an agreement and both sign it! You may not be able to enforce every clause, but at least you know that you said exactly what you meant at least once, and she read it. |
Anonymous
| Let her go. Use paragraphs! |
Anonymous
| Op needs a less "experienced" caregiver. Newbies tend to be more trainable than seasoned veterans. |
Anonymous
This nanny may be a seasoned veteran, but she's not a professional. |
Anonymous
Agree, as I would never think of a TV nanny as a professional. |
Anonymous
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I'm confused. Your regular daytime sitter saw your nanny @ playground, and your kids didn't respond. If my kids see their sitter out and about its usually followed by a big hello/hug.
I'm not understanding how your part time sitter was able to talk to your full time nanny- and no one knew the relationships. |
Anonymous
The kids were off playing, brainiac. |