NFs life too chaotic? Kids don't see parents enough

[Anonymous]

I've been with my current nanny family for six months. They have twins who turn 2 at the end of April. I work with them M-F 8:30-5:30. I've worked with a few families prior to this, and although all of them had family nearby who helped with the kids occasionally I've never experienced a family dynamic quite like this before.

For one thing, MB and DB both travel for work. MB takes 2-4 trips per month which are usually 2-3 days long each. DB travels for a full week about once every 4-6 weeks. Every time a parent is out of town it seems to throw everything off -- they don't sleep well at night, naps are bad, their behavior is off, etc. That is understandable, but it's still very frustrating to deal with. However, that's the nature of their jobs, and I (and the kids) do the best we can.

The issue I have is that, on top of an already erratic work trip schedule, MB and DB also choose to dump the kids off with relatives pretty regularly just because they can. There have been MANY times when MB comes to relieve me at 5:30, DB is on his way home, everything seems normal, I leave. When I arrive in the morning I find out as soon as I left the previous evening, a relative (sometimes MB's parents, sometimes DBs parents, sometimes their aunt, sometimes their cousins) picked the kids up and took them out to eat at a restaurant, and then puts them to bed, so MB and DB could have some free time. This happens a lot on weekends, too; I arrive Monday morning and ask how the weekend went only for MB to tell me the kids spent the entire weekend with grandma or Aunt so and so, so MB and DB could take an overnight trip together.

And while I totally understand that free time is important, and that it's nice they can rely on family for this sort of thing, it feels really excessive. MB and DB both work full time (so they only see the kids for about 30 mins in the AM and then 2 hours before bedtime, at best, when they're both in town), PLUS they are gone on work trips pretty regularly. So, in addition to that, MB and DB have a family member ALSO take care of the kids 1-3 weeknights every week, and 3-6 weekend days (and nights) every month. And while it's great they have a close relationship with extended family, I feel like it would be more appropriate for most of these interactions with family to include mom or dad, too. And again I know date nights are important but I've never heard of a family having 1-3 date nights every single week, especially with such young children.

On top of the issues like sleep and behavior being affected, it's so difficult for them to say bye bye to mommy and daddy every morning. I understand separation anxiety is normal at this age, but it seems to affect them more because of just how little time they spend together. Even once they've moved past the crying, frequently throughout the day they ask for mommy and daddy. I try to say "don't worry you can see them when they get home tonight" but it feels like half the time I say that I find out the next day MB literally spent 15 mins with them before dropping them off with a relative for the night. And I used to say on Fridays "don't worry you'll have all weekend to spend with mommy and daddy," but again, that doesn't seem to be the case much of the time either.

As far as behavior goes, I think this is also an issue because the grandparents and relatives seem to spoil them A LOT. It's very clear the day after they spent the night with a relative because they spend all morning acting out (could just be because their schedule is thrown off and they didn't get enough mommy time but I suspect it's also because the relatives let them get away with bad behavior). They also have started asking for juice and French fries and cookies and ice cream all the time and I've spoken with MB and DB who insist they never give the kids those things, but that the grandparents, aunts, and cousins probably do.

Obviously there's nothing I can do about any of this, but I'd like to know what you all think. Is this excessive on their part? Is it as bad for the children as I think it is? If you worked with this family and they treated you well otherwise, would you consider leaving just because of this?

Maybe my previous nanny families were just boring wet blankets who didn't get out enough, so maybe my perception is skewed, so I'm just looking for some outside perspective here. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

If I am trying to be compassionate, I would say your bosses seem overwhelmed by their lives and have chosen (consciously or not) to avoid trying to adapt in favor of avoiding truly creating a family.

If I felt snarky I would say your charges must be status symbol kids, here because all of MB/DB's friends had kids so they wanted to follow the hot trend in their social circle.

Either way, yes, it does affect the kids, and you can't fix that. If you choose to stay at this job you can still offer your love and support to the kids. Just don't trap yourself by deciding you have to stay to "save" the kids.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a shame for the kids, but if they pay you well, are decent to work for, and you like the job, then you need to accept it.

Judging them gets you nowhere useful if you want to keep the job and be happy in it.

[Anonymous]

I think they aren't your kids and it's none of your business. If you don't like your job, leave and find employers that parent the way you think is appropriate

[Anonymous]

Not quite two year old twins is exhausting on top of what sounds like very busy jobs. Marriages often suffer significantly during those early years because parents don't spend enough one on one time together.

I suspect you are attributing all of the fussy/not great behavior to the aspects of their parenting you don't agree with, but never attribute their sweet/good behavior to the same parenting. You're likely seeing at least to some degree what you want to see.

By the way, when a kid asks for the parent not there, you could try saying where the parent is and that the parent lives the kid very much, and will give hugs and kisses when they get home. Telling a not quite two year old not to worry is probably not too helpful. Telling them their parent loves them gives them some nice assurance.

If this isn't a good fit for you, consider moving on. But also consider that these parents are probably doing the best they can to manage a lot that's going on around them. There is such a huge difference when caring for the kids is your one and only job, versus caring for the kids while also worrying about the upcoming trip and whether you've made the well child appointment and if the bills were paid and do I have enough of whatever from the store. There are days when in home with my kids and decide to make them my ONLY job for the day and ignore everything else about running my household and my life, and it feels like a different world.

Long way of saying - cut them some slack. Their kids will be fine. Help support their bond in whatever form it exists, and lay off the judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been with my current nanny family for six months. They have twins who turn 2 at the end of April. I work with them M-F 8:30-5:30. I've worked with a few families prior to this, and although all of them had family nearby who helped with the kids occasionally I've never experienced a family dynamic quite like this before.

For one thing, MB and DB both travel for work. MB takes 2-4 trips per month which are usually 2-3 days long each. DB travels for a full week about once every 4-6 weeks. Every time a parent is out of town it seems to throw everything off -- they don't sleep well at night, naps are bad, their behavior is off, etc. That is understandable, but it's still very frustrating to deal with. However, that's the nature of their jobs, and I (and the kids) do the best we can.

The issue I have is that, on top of an already erratic work trip schedule, MB and DB also choose to dump the kids off with relatives pretty regularly just because they can. There have been MANY times when MB comes to relieve me at 5:30, DB is on his way home, everything seems normal, I leave. When I arrive in the morning I find out as soon as I left the previous evening, a relative (sometimes MB's parents, sometimes DBs parents, sometimes their aunt, sometimes their cousins) picked the kids up and took them out to eat at a restaurant, and then puts them to bed, so MB and DB could have some free time. This happens a lot on weekends, too; I arrive Monday morning and ask how the weekend went only for MB to tell me the kids spent the entire weekend with grandma or Aunt so and so, so MB and DB could take an overnight trip together.

And while I totally understand that free time is important, and that it's nice they can rely on family for this sort of thing, it feels really excessive. MB and DB both work full time (so they only see the kids for about 30 mins in the AM and then 2 hours before bedtime, at best, when they're both in town), PLUS they are gone on work trips pretty regularly. So, in addition to that, MB and DB have a family member ALSO take care of the kids 1-3 weeknights every week, and 3-6 weekend days (and nights) every month. And while it's great they have a close relationship with extended family, I feel like it would be more appropriate for most of these interactions with family to include mom or dad, too. And again I know date nights are important but I've never heard of a family having 1-3 date nights every single week, especially with such young children.

On top of the issues like sleep and behavior being affected, it's so difficult for them to say bye bye to mommy and daddy every morning. I understand separation anxiety is normal at this age, but it seems to affect them more because of just how little time they spend together. Even once they've moved past the crying, frequently throughout the day they ask for mommy and daddy. I try to say "don't worry you can see them when they get home tonight" but it feels like half the time I say that I find out the next day MB literally spent 15 mins with them before dropping them off with a relative for the night. And I used to say on Fridays "don't worry you'll have all weekend to spend with mommy and daddy," but again, that doesn't seem to be the case much of the time either.

As far as behavior goes, I think this is also an issue because the grandparents and relatives seem to spoil them A LOT. It's very clear the day after they spent the night with a relative because they spend all morning acting out (could just be because their schedule is thrown off and they didn't get enough mommy time but I suspect it's also because the relatives let them get away with bad behavior). They also have started asking for juice and French fries and cookies and ice cream all the time and I've spoken with MB and DB who insist they never give the kids those things, but that the grandparents, aunts, and cousins probably do.

Obviously there's nothing I can do about any of this, but I'd like to know what you all think. Is this excessive on their part? Is it as bad for the children as I think it is? If you worked with this family and they treated you well otherwise, would you consider leaving just because of this?

Maybe my previous nanny families were just boring wet blankets who didn't get out enough, so maybe my perception is skewed, so I'm just looking for some outside perspective here. Thanks.

My siblings and I spent 1 weekend per month with our great-grandparents (maternal grandmother's parents), 1 weekend with our mother and the rest of the weekends with our maternal grandparents. We spent almost all of our summers until I was 13 going and staying with our grandmother, and doing weekends with our mother. When my mother was working full time and attending school full time, she left at 3 am and didn't get home til after 7 pm, or she left as we were getting up and didn't get home until 10 pm. My grandmother was the one who came over everyday after school, driving 45 minutes each way, so that we would be with someone who loved us. My grandmother taught, so she could accommodate our schedule better than my mother could, and she and my great-grandmother wanted to spend as much time as they could with their grandchildren.

I saw my great-great-grandmother for an hour or two every weekend until she died, and my maternal uncle was very involved with us until he died. My grandfather wasn't the best of men, but he was a fantastic grandfather, always willing to take kids up on the tractor with him or crawl around in the dirt making mud pies. My great-grandfather was a crotchety old geezer who would take every work a child said literally, but he loved us, and he taught us to think before we spoke. My great-grandmother is almost 100 and is slowly dying, but while I wish it was easier for her, I'm glad to have had all the time I've had with her. My grandmother is in her mid-70s, but she's been around children her whole life, and she is filled with a joy and child-like enthusiasm that most people outgrow quickly. My mother has her issues, but she tried her best, and as a teen I realized how hard she was working for all of us.

You don't know whether the relatives are asking to have the twins, you are guessing. Some people are lucky enough to have close-knit family, others aren't. Why in the world are you judging your MB and DB for having relatives who want to spend time with the kids?!

[Anonymous]

This is what you do with your "accessory" children.

[Anonymous]

Those poor children. This is so sad.

[Anonymous]

Yes how tragic to be raised by a loving village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been with my current nanny family for six months. They have twins who turn 2 at the end of April. I work with them M-F 8:30-5:30. I've worked with a few families prior to this, and although all of them had family nearby who helped with the kids occasionally I've never experienced a family dynamic quite like this before.

For one thing, MB and DB both travel for work. MB takes 2-4 trips per month which are usually 2-3 days long each. DB travels for a full week about once every 4-6 weeks. Every time a parent is out of town it seems to throw everything off -- they don't sleep well at night, naps are bad, their behavior is off, etc. That is understandable, but it's still very frustrating to deal with. However, that's the nature of their jobs, and I (and the kids) do the best we can.

The issue I have is that, on top of an already erratic work trip schedule, MB and DB also choose to dump the kids off with relatives pretty regularly just because they can. There have been MANY times when MB comes to relieve me at 5:30, DB is on his way home, everything seems normal, I leave. When I arrive in the morning I find out as soon as I left the previous evening, a relative (sometimes MB's parents, sometimes DBs parents, sometimes their aunt, sometimes their cousins) picked the kids up and took them out to eat at a restaurant, and then puts them to bed, so MB and DB could have some free time. This happens a lot on weekends, too; I arrive Monday morning and ask how the weekend went only for MB to tell me the kids spent the entire weekend with grandma or Aunt so and so, so MB and DB could take an overnight trip together.

And while I totally understand that free time is important, and that it's nice they can rely on family for this sort of thing, it feels really excessive. MB and DB both work full time (so they only see the kids for about 30 mins in the AM and then 2 hours before bedtime, at best, when they're both in town), PLUS they are gone on work trips pretty regularly. So, in addition to that, MB and DB have a family member ALSO take care of the kids 1-3 weeknights every week, and 3-6 weekend days (and nights) every month. And while it's great they have a close relationship with extended family, I feel like it would be more appropriate for most of these interactions with family to include mom or dad, too. And again I know date nights are important but I've never heard of a family having 1-3 date nights every single week, especially with such young children.

On top of the issues like sleep and behavior being affected, it's so difficult for them to say bye bye to mommy and daddy every morning. I understand separation anxiety is normal at this age, but it seems to affect them more because of just how little time they spend together. Even once they've moved past the crying, frequently throughout the day they ask for mommy and daddy. I try to say "don't worry you can see them when they get home tonight" but it feels like half the time I say that I find out the next day MB literally spent 15 mins with them before dropping them off with a relative for the night. And I used to say on Fridays "don't worry you'll have all weekend to spend with mommy and daddy," but again, that doesn't seem to be the case much of the time either.

As far as behavior goes, I think this is also an issue because the grandparents and relatives seem to spoil them A LOT. It's very clear the day after they spent the night with a relative because they spend all morning acting out (could just be because their schedule is thrown off and they didn't get enough mommy time but I suspect it's also because the relatives let them get away with bad behavior). They also have started asking for juice and French fries and cookies and ice cream all the time and I've spoken with MB and DB who insist they never give the kids those things, but that the grandparents, aunts, and cousins probably do.

Obviously there's nothing I can do about any of this, but I'd like to know what you all think. Is this excessive on their part? Is it as bad for the children as I think it is? If you worked with this family and they treated you well otherwise, would you consider leaving just because of this?

Maybe my previous nanny families were just boring wet blankets who didn't get out enough, so maybe my perception is skewed, so I'm just looking for some outside perspective here. Thanks.

My siblings and I spent 1 weekend per month with our great-grandparents (maternal grandmother's parents), 1 weekend with our mother and the rest of the weekends with our maternal grandparents. We spent almost all of our summers until I was 13 going and staying with our grandmother, and doing weekends with our mother. When my mother was working full time and attending school full time, she left at 3 am and didn't get home til after 7 pm, or she left as we were getting up and didn't get home until 10 pm. My grandmother was the one who came over everyday after school, driving 45 minutes each way, so that we would be with someone who loved us. My grandmother taught, so she could accommodate our schedule better than my mother could, and she and my great-grandmother wanted to spend as much time as they could with their grandchildren.

I saw my great-great-grandmother for an hour or two every weekend until she died, and my maternal uncle was very involved with us until he died. My grandfather wasn't the best of men, but he was a fantastic grandfather, always willing to take kids up on the tractor with him or crawl around in the dirt making mud pies. My great-grandfather was a crotchety old geezer who would take every work a child said literally, but he loved us, and he taught us to think before we spoke. My great-grandmother is almost 100 and is slowly dying, but while I wish it was easier for her, I'm glad to have had all the time I've had with her. My grandmother is in her mid-70s, but she's been around children her whole life, and she is filled with a joy and child-like enthusiasm that most people outgrow quickly. My mother has her issues, but she tried her best, and as a teen I realized how hard she was working for all of us.

You don't know whether the relatives are asking to have the twins, you are guessing. Some people are lucky enough to have close-knit family, others aren't. Why in the world are you judging your MB and DB for having relatives who want to spend time with the kids?!

So what you're saying is your grandmother, not your mother, raised you.

[Anonymous]

This thread perfectly illustrates many core issues between nannies and mothers.

21:57 perfectly sums up so much of what it feels like to be a working parent, especially as a parent of twins.

Judgment between employer and employee will doom a working relationship - no matter what the workplace.

If you can't respect your employer then you should find another job. If you can't respect the entire category of employer (i.e. working parents) then you are in the wrong line of work. And that goes both ways for parents respecting the professionalism and experience of great nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been with my current nanny family for six months. They have twins who turn 2 at the end of April. I work with them M-F 8:30-5:30. I've worked with a few families prior to this, and although all of them had family nearby who helped with the kids occasionally I've never experienced a family dynamic quite like this before.

For one thing, MB and DB both travel for work. MB takes 2-4 trips per month which are usually 2-3 days long each. DB travels for a full week about once every 4-6 weeks. Every time a parent is out of town it seems to throw everything off -- they don't sleep well at night, naps are bad, their behavior is off, etc. That is understandable, but it's still very frustrating to deal with. However, that's the nature of their jobs, and I (and the kids) do the best we can.

The issue I have is that, on top of an already erratic work trip schedule, MB and DB also choose to dump the kids off with relatives pretty regularly just because they can. There have been MANY times when MB comes to relieve me at 5:30, DB is on his way home, everything seems normal, I leave. When I arrive in the morning I find out as soon as I left the previous evening, a relative (sometimes MB's parents, sometimes DBs parents, sometimes their aunt, sometimes their cousins) picked the kids up and took them out to eat at a restaurant, and then puts them to bed, so MB and DB could have some free time. This happens a lot on weekends, too; I arrive Monday morning and ask how the weekend went only for MB to tell me the kids spent the entire weekend with grandma or Aunt so and so, so MB and DB could take an overnight trip together.

And while I totally understand that free time is important, and that it's nice they can rely on family for this sort of thing, it feels really excessive. MB and DB both work full time (so they only see the kids for about 30 mins in the AM and then 2 hours before bedtime, at best, when they're both in town), PLUS they are gone on work trips pretty regularly. So, in addition to that, MB and DB have a family member ALSO take care of the kids 1-3 weeknights every week, and 3-6 weekend days (and nights) every month. And while it's great they have a close relationship with extended family, I feel like it would be more appropriate for most of these interactions with family to include mom or dad, too. And again I know date nights are important but I've never heard of a family having 1-3 date nights every single week, especially with such young children.

On top of the issues like sleep and behavior being affected, it's so difficult for them to say bye bye to mommy and daddy every morning. I understand separation anxiety is normal at this age, but it seems to affect them more because of just how little time they spend together. Even once they've moved past the crying, frequently throughout the day they ask for mommy and daddy. I try to say "don't worry you can see them when they get home tonight" but it feels like half the time I say that I find out the next day MB literally spent 15 mins with them before dropping them off with a relative for the night. And I used to say on Fridays "don't worry you'll have all weekend to spend with mommy and daddy," but again, that doesn't seem to be the case much of the time either.

As far as behavior goes, I think this is also an issue because the grandparents and relatives seem to spoil them A LOT. It's very clear the day after they spent the night with a relative because they spend all morning acting out (could just be because their schedule is thrown off and they didn't get enough mommy time but I suspect it's also because the relatives let them get away with bad behavior). They also have started asking for juice and French fries and cookies and ice cream all the time and I've spoken with MB and DB who insist they never give the kids those things, but that the grandparents, aunts, and cousins probably do.

Obviously there's nothing I can do about any of this, but I'd like to know what you all think. Is this excessive on their part? Is it as bad for the children as I think it is? If you worked with this family and they treated you well otherwise, would you consider leaving just because of this?

Maybe my previous nanny families were just boring wet blankets who didn't get out enough, so maybe my perception is skewed, so I'm just looking for some outside perspective here. Thanks.

My siblings and I spent 1 weekend per month with our great-grandparents (maternal grandmother's parents), 1 weekend with our mother and the rest of the weekends with our maternal grandparents. We spent almost all of our summers until I was 13 going and staying with our grandmother, and doing weekends with our mother. When my mother was working full time and attending school full time, she left at 3 am and didn't get home til after 7 pm, or she left as we were getting up and didn't get home until 10 pm. My grandmother was the one who came over everyday after school, driving 45 minutes each way, so that we would be with someone who loved us. My grandmother taught, so she could accommodate our schedule better than my mother could, and she and my great-grandmother wanted to spend as much time as they could with their grandchildren.

I saw my great-great-grandmother for an hour or two every weekend until she died, and my maternal uncle was very involved with us until he died. My grandfather wasn't the best of men, but he was a fantastic grandfather, always willing to take kids up on the tractor with him or crawl around in the dirt making mud pies. My great-grandfather was a crotchety old geezer who would take every work a child said literally, but he loved us, and he taught us to think before we spoke. My great-grandmother is almost 100 and is slowly dying, but while I wish it was easier for her, I'm glad to have had all the time I've had with her. My grandmother is in her mid-70s, but she's been around children her whole life, and she is filled with a joy and child-like enthusiasm that most people outgrow quickly. My mother has her issues, but she tried her best, and as a teen I realized how hard she was working for all of us.

You don't know whether the relatives are asking to have the twins, you are guessing. Some people are lucky enough to have close-knit family, others aren't. Why in the world are you judging your MB and DB for having relatives who want to spend time with the kids?!

So what you're saying is your grandmother, not your mother, raised you.

No, I am not. I said that I had tons of family around, and they raised us together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been with my current nanny family for six months. They have twins who turn 2 at the end of April. I work with them M-F 8:30-5:30. I've worked with a few families prior to this, and although all of them had family nearby who helped with the kids occasionally I've never experienced a family dynamic quite like this before.

For one thing, MB and DB both travel for work. MB takes 2-4 trips per month which are usually 2-3 days long each. DB travels for a full week about once every 4-6 weeks. Every time a parent is out of town it seems to throw everything off -- they don't sleep well at night, naps are bad, their behavior is off, etc. That is understandable, but it's still very frustrating to deal with. However, that's the nature of their jobs, and I (and the kids) do the best we can.

The issue I have is that, on top of an already erratic work trip schedule, MB and DB also choose to dump the kids off with relatives pretty regularly just because they can. There have been MANY times when MB comes to relieve me at 5:30, DB is on his way home, everything seems normal, I leave. When I arrive in the morning I find out as soon as I left the previous evening, a relative (sometimes MB's parents, sometimes DBs parents, sometimes their aunt, sometimes their cousins) picked the kids up and took them out to eat at a restaurant, and then puts them to bed, so MB and DB could have some free time. This happens a lot on weekends, too; I arrive Monday morning and ask how the weekend went only for MB to tell me the kids spent the entire weekend with grandma or Aunt so and so, so MB and DB could take an overnight trip together.

And while I totally understand that free time is important, and that it's nice they can rely on family for this sort of thing, it feels really excessive. MB and DB both work full time (so they only see the kids for about 30 mins in the AM and then 2 hours before bedtime, at best, when they're both in town), PLUS they are gone on work trips pretty regularly. So, in addition to that, MB and DB have a family member ALSO take care of the kids 1-3 weeknights every week, and 3-6 weekend days (and nights) every month. And while it's great they have a close relationship with extended family, I feel like it would be more appropriate for most of these interactions with family to include mom or dad, too. And again I know date nights are important but I've never heard of a family having 1-3 date nights every single week, especially with such young children.

On top of the issues like sleep and behavior being affected, it's so difficult for them to say bye bye to mommy and daddy every morning. I understand separation anxiety is normal at this age, but it seems to affect them more because of just how little time they spend together. Even once they've moved past the crying, frequently throughout the day they ask for mommy and daddy. I try to say "don't worry you can see them when they get home tonight" but it feels like half the time I say that I find out the next day MB literally spent 15 mins with them before dropping them off with a relative for the night. And I used to say on Fridays "don't worry you'll have all weekend to spend with mommy and daddy," but again, that doesn't seem to be the case much of the time either.

As far as behavior goes, I think this is also an issue because the grandparents and relatives seem to spoil them A LOT. It's very clear the day after they spent the night with a relative because they spend all morning acting out (could just be because their schedule is thrown off and they didn't get enough mommy time but I suspect it's also because the relatives let them get away with bad behavior). They also have started asking for juice and French fries and cookies and ice cream all the time and I've spoken with MB and DB who insist they never give the kids those things, but that the grandparents, aunts, and cousins probably do.

Obviously there's nothing I can do about any of this, but I'd like to know what you all think. Is this excessive on their part? Is it as bad for the children as I think it is? If you worked with this family and they treated you well otherwise, would you consider leaving just because of this?

Maybe my previous nanny families were just boring wet blankets who didn't get out enough, so maybe my perception is skewed, so I'm just looking for some outside perspective here. Thanks.

My siblings and I spent 1 weekend per month with our great-grandparents (maternal grandmother's parents), 1 weekend with our mother and the rest of the weekends with our maternal grandparents. We spent almost all of our summers until I was 13 going and staying with our grandmother, and doing weekends with our mother. When my mother was working full time and attending school full time, she left at 3 am and didn't get home til after 7 pm, or she left as we were getting up and didn't get home until 10 pm. My grandmother was the one who came over everyday after school, driving 45 minutes each way, so that we would be with someone who loved us. My grandmother taught, so she could accommodate our schedule better than my mother could, and she and my great-grandmother wanted to spend as much time as they could with their grandchildren.

I saw my great-great-grandmother for an hour or two every weekend until she died, and my maternal uncle was very involved with us until he died. My grandfather wasn't the best of men, but he was a fantastic grandfather, always willing to take kids up on the tractor with him or crawl around in the dirt making mud pies. My great-grandfather was a crotchety old geezer who would take every work a child said literally, but he loved us, and he taught us to think before we spoke. My great-grandmother is almost 100 and is slowly dying, but while I wish it was easier for her, I'm glad to have had all the time I've had with her. My grandmother is in her mid-70s, but she's been around children her whole life, and she is filled with a joy and child-like enthusiasm that most people outgrow quickly. My mother has her issues, but she tried her best, and as a teen I realized how hard she was working for all of us.

You don't know whether the relatives are asking to have the twins, you are guessing. Some people are lucky enough to have close-knit family, others aren't. Why in the world are you judging your MB and DB for having relatives who want to spend time with the kids?!

So what you're saying is your grandmother, not your mother, raised you.

No, I am not. I said that I had tons of family around, and they raised us together.

Which strikes me as a HUGE gift, not a negative at all. I would have loved to have had these kinds of relationships w/ extended family. And I'd love to be able to offer my kids the same, which sadly I can't.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like the typical 40s couple who thought they should have kids because it's the accepted thing to do, but they really don't want to have the kids.

[Anonymous]

It also sounds like a very judgmental view of things (as opposed to a supportive, caring partner in childcare.)