What Do I Do...??!
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Anonymous
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I have been with my current nanny family going on about four years this January. In this time, things have been going very well.
Last month, my DB invited me to come along with them on a five day trip to CA over Spring Break '16. He told me that all expenses would be covered and that it would be much needed fun, 24/7. Then the next day he purchased my airline ticket and told me about it. Sounds perfect right?? Since then, I have told them often I appreciate them inviting me and that I would be willing to help out any way I can. Words to live by.... For the past month, I was asked to housesit for MB's local sister for two weeks. I cared for two pitfalls (fed them, cleaned up their waste, bathed them and walked them.) The house was out of food, so I had to purchase my own food. She also left me some errands to perform. I had to mail 3 packages at the UPS store, pick up some library books on hold, pick up her medications at the pharmacy & drop off/pick up her dry cleaning work uniforms as well. I just assumed I would be paid a little something, a daily stipend for housesitting (my NF pays me $40/day when I house sat for them), but I wasn't paid a dime. Most recently, my NF took a mini-trip for a long weekend and I had to stop by to feed the dogs, water the plants, pick up the mail and check the front porch for expected packages. Normally they have paid me for this, this time they did not. I casually mentioned to MB's other sister who I know a little better how generous the family was offering me the trip, all expenses paid in full. I told her I was very grateful for the experience since I have never been to CA. Or any other state. She then mentioned..."Oh...You WILL be helping out A LOT with the kids so don't expect a free ride here." Basically my question is, When someone offers you a free trip, on their dime and you accept graciously, is it just a given that you are to do free favors for them in return since they have extended this wonderful opportunity for you? Meaning work for free until then? Or: Should I have been told upfront that extra things would be expected of me? It seems as if they are assuming I will do them free favors in return which I honestly wouldn't have minded had they told me upfront. What bothers me now is the basic assumption that I will do it, plus not knowing what else will be expected of me prior and during our trip. I wish I could back out now, I hate feeling like I am indebted to them for their kindness. I am grateful that they are taking me, but in all honesty I would prefer not to go if their are terms and conditions involved. However I feel stuck now since my plane ticket has been purchased. Please advise me honestly here, no mean responses. I have been worried sick over this. 
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Anonymous
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I fell for this trap once. They told me I was going on a cruise! I'd have so much fun! No. It was all bs. I never got time to myself and was reminded how they paid for all my stuff for this trip. I didn't even get port days to myself. I was dying to get home. I feel for you. I'd tell them NO next time. I do hope you get to have a little fun. Make sure you ask for time to yourself. I ended up having the kids all day and almost all night. What could I go do at 12am by myself? Not to mention they made me meet them for breakfast in the mornings. ?
Oh. And all that extra stuff? They feel like they paid for your trip so they don't pay you. That same NF that took me on the cruise pulled stuff like that. Since she let me go early (4pm) Christmas Eve and I was given off Christmas Day they thought I should come in for a few Saturday's. You can't give an inch to people like that. |
Anonymous
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Oh my God! Op this sounds horrible and you are being completely taken advantage of. Back out of this trip NOW! Whenever babysitters or nannies are invited to travel with the family it is a JOB. That means hell yes all expenses should be paid by them from the ticket to the breakfast and you should get paid your normal daily rate. What with all of this "fun" talk anyways? You'll be working. And if they give you time off in the evenings(which they probably will maybe once and go out the rest of the nights themselves) you should still be paid your rate for the day and overnights. Again I repeat you will be working!
I'm trying to see how all of these "favors" even have a place in this discussion? They asked you to travel for work which in turn means you are taking on more tasks than usual, so how does this mean do free crap for us until then? You say you've been with them for 4 years. Why are they all of a sudden needing you to travel with them? Probably because they are tired of paying your guaranteed pay while they travel. You need to speak up and get paid for the house sitting for the sister and her crappy dog this has absolutely NOTHING to do with your charges and job as a professional and seasoned childcare provider. If my nf ever thought they were going to save a dime and try to make me or invite me on vacation since they pay me anyway, they'd soon be finding out that it will cost more, way more. Besides that if they didn't want to have the kids around they'd leave them home or have them during the day and get the concierge or resort to help them find evening care while the kids go to bed at like 7. Ridiculous! Op please get paid for these tasks, these are not favors and if they continue this they are not good people |
Anonymous
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Its not a free trip, its a working trip for you. He jumped the gun by buying you a ticket without confirming with you. Next time keep it strictly your day job and no more house sitting.
I once went to the beach with a family in my early 20's.... never again. |
Anonymous
i agree. I once worked for a family that invited me to all sorts of things. School dinners, dinners out, trip to the movies. It was always weird and awkward because the kids weren't babies or toddlers. I was always nervous when they would mention a vacation coming up and anxious they'd ask me to join lol! Cant imagine dealing with that aaaaallllllll day then not even being able to say goodbye at 7 and return to your our home because you're just going to the adjoining room next door for an hour until the parents knock to tell you they're heading out lol These employers are acting as if they gave nanny permission to bring her s/o or bff along and will be there as friends. Believe me if they didn't need you there for the kids they would've bought that ticket for one of the sisters lol |
Anonymous
| pp here should read * return to your own home |
Anonymous
Is this the first time they've asked you to travel with them in 4 years? Have they ever taken advantage before or nickel and dimed you?
This is confusing to me. Did they say that you will just be hanging out and not "ON" while there? What is it that you are so grateful for? This leads me to believe they said you won't be working.
is this the same trip that they will be also going on? or are they sending you on your own trip? otherwise why are you saying this is an opportunity, like they are giving you a scholarship
Are you doing these things while also still working as a nanny for your family? Are they not paying you at all since the ticket was purchased? what is going on here? |
Anonymous
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This is all so weird. The sister really thought you'd housesit and do all those errands for free? Not even a token souvenir or massage gift card...nothing?? Weird weird weird.
I'd have clarified w/ the family right off the bat what their expectations are and made it explicitly clear that I need off hours, whether it's sleeping in the morning or whatever...off time. Talk to them now so you can go in with full knowledge. |
Anonymous
right! this entire post is strange. are you working or not? and if you're working why do you have to work for free before the trip? are you off until you leave besides the house sitting? very strange indeed |
Anonymous
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My contracts always address travel with my NF. While I've never had an issue, I know plenty of nannies who had it go horribly.
1. I don't pay for anything unless I'm not working during the trip and I can do whatever I want while I'm out. If I'm working at all, I don't pay for travel, housing or food. 2. I don't share a room with a child while traveling unless I am paid for every hour. If I'm paid normal rate plus overtime for every hour of the trip, I will share a room with a child. The vast majority of the time, it's cheaper for the parents to get a separate room for me. 3. I work the same number of hours while traveling that I work while home, and I have have the same number of consecutive days off. If the family wants me to work more hours or give up my free days, they pay overtime for every hour, just like they would at home. Sometimes I travel with the family, sometimes I don't. Unless the family is going somewhere fantastic, I don't travel with the family when I'm not working. |
Anonymous
Oh, and there is no reason for a family to expect anything to be done gratis. You are an employee, not a friend. Either you are working during this vacation, in which case they are responsible for your costs and you should be paid, or you aren't working during the vacation and they decided to gift the travel costs. Either way, there is no reason that you should be required to do a slew of small things during your free time. |
Anonymous
| Op are you going to tell us anymore??? |
Anonymous
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OP Here:
Sorry for any confusion, and the slow response. Been busy the past few days. Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that while my NF is still paying me for the childcare services (which I am still working a regular schedule), they are asking me to do other things which they are not compensating me for. The housesitting for the sister, collecting their mail, etc. I actually emailed a message to the MB and she responded only that "We need all the help we can get!" Which has left me more confused than ever. I mean...I sent her a detailed/comprehensive message and that is the only sentence she responded back to. Will keep you posted.... Merry Xmas to all of you btw. 
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Anonymous
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Sorry, OP, but you just learned one of life's most important lessons: no such thing as a free lunch!
Personally, I would back out of the trip and tell the sister to pay you for your time. |
Anonymous
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I took a trip with my NF once and after a week it was getting a little rough. But I had a sit down with my MB and told her my issues and she totally corrected them. For me it wasn't working to much it was actually not having enough to do, the kids kept wanting to hang onto mom, even doing mundane things like grocery shopping and other errands, so I felt unneeded and awkward. But MB talked to them and we had a great rest of the trip doing all kinds of fun things.
Overall the trip was awesome and I got a check for more than double my salary and I had no expenses the whole time. Totally worth it. |