Need some advice

[Anonymous]

We just started with our new nanny and my one year old daughter seems to love her so far. We had installed a nanny camera and had told her about it before we began. She's used to the concept so it wasn't an issue. Before starting we had told her that we have a few rules: adhering to my daughters nap schedule and eating, no tv or apps, and no processed foods. The second day she was here my husband was teleworking. As he was walking down stairs he noticed my daughter on her lap watching a YouTube video of the alphabet. My the time he got down she had stopped showing her it. He got a call from work and continued talking on the phone while getting his water and snack. At the end of the day as he was saying bye he reiterated to her the importance of adhering to my daughters nap and eating schedule, no tv and apps and no processed foods. He didn't mention to her that he had seen her while walking down for some reason. Nanny said of course and wished him a good evening. Today being the obsessive mom that I am I decided to go on the camera app. Low and behold my daughter was seated on the nanny's lap watching some video. I can go back in time and she's been watching the video with her for the past 20 minutes. I know it's not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things but I'm disappointed and angry since she is going directly against what we had told her. This is my first time employing a nanny so I'm not sure what to do. She's in her 50s with lots of experience so she's set in her ways. She's great otherwise

[Anonymous]

Some nannies differentiate between television with commercials and netflix/youtube/hulu which don't have commercials. Maybe you just need to approach it by saying that you don't want your daughter exposed to technology yet, that way there's no miscommunication. If she says she understands that and hasn't been doing it, that would be the point to say that your husband witnessed her showing your daughter a youtube video and you saw her showing a video on the nanny cam.

Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Talk to her about it and tell her not to do it again. She should know better.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, tell her to limit it. I would not cause a huge issue over 20 minutes of youtube!!!

[Anonymous]

Tell her no screens at all. That she's doing great other than that, but to please remember you want the baby in front of zero screens.

[Anonymous]

Considering that you just started working with her, made the rules very clear, and on day two found her to be violating the rules, then reminded her of the rules, and then on day three found her violating the rules again, that is VERY troubling! Also, screen time is never a good idea for any child under two, and a good nanny would know this. A good nanny would also make sure not to break the rules, especially during the first week, and especially after having just been reminded of them!

Also, 20 mins of screen time on a daily basis for a young toddler is a very bad precedent! I've shown some of my young charges a short you tube clip of a nature documentary, but I NEVER let a child under three watch any screen for more than five minutes at a time, and even then, those five minutes are a rare treat (maybe once a week, if that!).

Since she hasn't even really established a bond with your child yet, I would strongly consider firing her right now. This is very basic stuff. It might be one thing if this had just happened once, but it's happened two times in three days, and you've already reminded her of the rules. You need to know that your nanny is listening to you, takes your concerns seriously, and will follow your rules to the best of her ability. Clearly she is not listening, does not take your concerns seriously, and has repeatedly chosen to disobey rules you put in place for the well being of your child! This is NOT a good way to start of your relationship with any nanny.

Technically since you're firing for cause and have proof of her violating your rules repeatedly, and she had such a short tenure, I don't think there's any need to give her any notice or severance, although you do need to pay her for the hours she's worked. There ARE nannies out there who are very qualified, experienced, AND will listen to parents concerns and follow their rules (I'm one of them). Best of luck finding a great nanny soon.

[Anonymous]

Not a good way to start off* your relationship, that is...

[Anonymous]

The problem here is that you have done your very best to make this rule very clear and explicit and she is doing the opposite of what you have requested. That means that either she does not understand (is English her first language?), In which case I would be very concerned about ongoing communication issues, or she feels that she knows better than you and has no problem openly define you, in which case that is an entirely different but still very valid concern. Basically, this is a big Red flag for one of two major reasons, and she's brand-new so you don't have much sunk cost to lose here. I would move on.

Either you did a bad job with your screening, or you are simply not offering a competitive compensation package. If the former, then I would not let her go until you have done a much more thorough nanny search and explored many options. If you think the latter might be the case and you cannot afford to offer something different/better, then you will have to except that you will likely not get everything that you want. If that is the case, you may have to be flexible on screen time or some other rules like that, but I would much rather leave my kids with the nanny who told me upfront that she needs a break and plans to let My kid Watch some TV each day then with the nanny who lied to my face and pretended to agree then turned around and did the opposite. The former case is someone that you can trust and work around their flaws. The latter is someone that you can never trust, and I would not feel comfortable leaving them with my kid.

[Anonymous]

I don't see what the issue with some youtube is as long as its educational. Good for her for teaching your child the ABC's/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what the issue with some youtube is as long as its educational. Good for her for teaching your child the ABC's/

The issue is that even educational screen time isn't required, and OP specifically stated that she doesn't want the child exposed to it. The nanny should be capable of teaching the alphabet without using videos.

[Anonymous]

The woman you hired is not a nanny. No clue what kind of "experience" she has, but your daughter *needs* (not just deserves) better.

I won't even ask where you found her or what you're paying her, but better caregivers tend to cost more. It's just like any other field. Ask your husband.

Any one year old should have zero screen. Shame on anyone saying otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The woman you hired is not a nanny. No clue what kind of "experience" she has, but your daughter *needs* (not just deserves) better.

I won't even ask where you found her or what you're paying her, but better caregivers tend to cost more. It's just like any other field. Ask your husband.

Any one year old should have zero screen. Shame on anyone saying otherwise.

I should add, if a parent tells me Laria can watch whatever, I simply remind them that I don't do that. Period. As a professional nanny, I would never stoop that low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The woman you hired is not a nanny. No clue what kind of "experience" she has, but your daughter *needs* (not just deserves) better.

I won't even ask where you found her or what you're paying her, but better caregivers tend to cost more. It's just like any other field. Ask your husband.

Any one year old should have zero screen. Shame on anyone saying otherwise.

Quite agreed that screen time isn't necessary. However, I'm finding that more and more parents want kids between 2 and 5 playing games and watching television, sometimes for hours at a time. There's a reason that doctors strongly recommend that kids not watch television til 5, but absolutely not until 2.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the posters saying that the fact that she is disregarding a condition of hiring, on which she has already been corrected, is pretty major. It would lead me to not trust that she would follow other directions/guidelines - perhaps on things that are absolutely non-negotiable for me (like discipline, diet, safety issues...)

I would sit down with her and tell her that you were clear about zero screen time, that it has already been discussed once, and that following that discussion you have observed her showing your child youtube videos.

"If you are unwilling or unable to do what we ask then this may not be the job for you Edna. What would you like to do?"

Honestly I am not sure I would want to keep her. I can give on screen time perhaps but I cannot give on fundamental trust issues.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PPs. Thanks for your replies. I felt better seeing that most of you would see this as a major issue as well. It's not the screen time (which I obviously care about) as much as it is doing something we told her not to do. I spoke to her today and she took my concerns seriously. She told me she misunderstood that we didn't want screen time at all (I doubt it but whatever). I told her its really a trust issue and she said without me prompting her that as an employee she should be doing what I ask of her and its our right to tell her what we want or do not want. She seemed genuinely sorry and I think I'm gonna continue seeing what she does for the next week. I'm already interviewing other nannies again as backup and I had one nanny as my second choice that I will call too if this one doesn't work out.